Today, I received an email from my friend in South Africa, with whom I'll soon be staying for 2 months. She was telling me that she had bought me a few things so I would be prepared for my stay. What did she buy me? A taser and some pepper-spray. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I flew in to visit my long distance girlfriend. When I got out of the cab, I saw her way down the street walking the dog, so I hid behind the bushes to scare/surprise her. Mission accomplished. I just wish I hadn't bought her that pepper spray. FML
Today, my roommate showed me that her pepper spray had expired, so I decided to test it on myself. It worked. FML
Today, I got tased, with the same TASER I bought my girlfriend to use on people trying to rob her. FML
Today, I gave my girlfriend a small stun gun I bought for her. She mentioned how she thought it was ''cute'', though it probably wouldn't help if someone was after her. She then put the tazer to my chest. When I woke up, she told me how it was my fault, for buying it for her. FML
Today, my mom bought me pepper spray in case anyone tried to "mess" with me. I put it in my purse. Later, a guy snatched my purse before I even had the chance to take out the pepper spray. FML
Today, I gave my sister a stun gun for her birthday since she recently had a couple "close calls" walking home from work late at night. She was so excited and thankful that she wanted to express her gratitude by shocking me to see if it really worked. FML
Today, I got mugged. But luckily I had on my keyring the pepper spray that my husband had insisted I keep with me. Unlucky for me, my husband's co-worker, who borrowed my keys, emptied my pepper by spraying it on a brick wall one day when he was bored. FML
Today, my girlfriend was packing for her study abroad program. Jokingly, I got her a pack of condoms. She laughed, saying "Oh yeah, I'll definitely need some of those." Later, I showed up to take her to the airport and saw her open suitcase in the kitchen, with the condoms on top. FML
Today, my mom decided to try her new taser on me while I was asleep on the couch. FML
Today, my wife got the flu. While she was sleeping, I went out to buy her some soup and other things. When I was walking back through the door, she woke up, thought I was a burglar, and threw the closest thing to her at me. What was it? A cactus. FML
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Top comments
waffule365 16
at least your friends being helpful?
theWanderer011 11
Ahahaha! Your friend's a joker, mate. A taser won't help you here!
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Comments (171)
fmlgiraffe 23
Errrr no it's not.
NoBuenoLeno 9
Didn't you here Oscar Pistorius is on the loose
knoxxx 22
Your friend is being kind, OP, and I feel like if you didn't do research on the social climate of South Africa before planning this trip, YDI.
adam_night 9
I stayed in South Africa for a while, it's a rough place.
Iniezian 18
In a country that is rape, murder, and burglary capital of the world, that's tame. Nothing short of a gun will cover your ass there. In fact, I'm surprised people still want to live there.
stargirl_95 24
That's such bullshit. You can live just fine in South Africa without a gun. It really just depends on where you are because some areas are much safer than others. All you really need to cover your ass is a healthy dose of common sense and awareness.
SeepingSarcasm 7
Iniezian, unfortunately there is no other way to say this: You are a ******* idiot! SA is one of the greatest places in the world to live! And by far more beautiful than most other places where the crime is worse than average. You only get to hear the bad, like we for example only get to hear ''how stupid Americans are.'' I for one choose not to believe such stereo-typing because it makes one look like an idiot. Do some PROPER research before you make such retarded statements!
bdubbstheman 5
It's south Africa, what exactly were you expecting? For secure suburbs?
stargirl_95 24
There ARE secure suburbs here. A lot, actually. I would suggest that you shut up if you don't know what you're talking about.
Sasha92_fml 3
You people are SO ignorant.
caffeinecat 9
It must be for the lions and hippos walking around outside. Has your friend informed you yet that we ride zebras to go work in the fields?
Exavior 1
I live in South Africa, it is only unsafe if you go into the lower class areas(townships) the normal suburbs are safe. Every country has its unsafe areas
crazy1991 0
Truly insulting. Every single country in the WHOLE WORLD has bad places you shouldn't go to. South africa is no exception. It seems that opinions here are mosed biased than anything else. If you have never been to south africa then you have no right. I hope you enjoy your trip!
stargirl_95 24
No, the rape actually isn't that bad. You make it sound as if a woman will be raped as if she so much as sets one foot on South African soil, yet you can be a woman here and never get raped