Today, I got mugged. But luckily I had on my keyring the pepper spray that my husband had insisted I keep with me. Unlucky for me, my husband's co-worker, who borrowed my keys, emptied my pepper by spraying it on a brick wall one day when he was bored. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom bought me pepper spray in case anyone tried to "mess" with me. I put it in my purse. Later, a guy snatched my purse before I even had the chance to take out the pepper spray. FML
Today, my roommate showed me that her pepper spray had expired, so I decided to test it on myself. It worked. FML
Today, I got mugged. As the guys who took my purse were about to walk away, my cellphone rang in my pocket. FML
Today, my husband came home with tears in his eyes. I ran and asked him why he was crying. He said he wasn't, but he finally admitting to talking to a woman in a bar who, when she noticed his wedding ring, sprayed him with mace. FML
Today, while going to work, I was mugged. On the way back, I was mugged. FML
Today, after lunch with my frail, disabled, 87-year-old father, I reached into my purse for lipstick. I didn't recognize the cute cylinder I pulled out, but thinking it was a flashlight, I pressed the little button, spraying my dad and myself in the face with pepper spray. FML
Today, I got mugged. I also got an extra kick in the face for not having money in my wallet. FML
Today, I was walking back to my home in the city in the dark. I'm paranoid, so when I saw movement behind me I clutched my mace. The faster I walked, the closer the person seemed to be. I spun around and sprayed my attacker with mace. It was my shadow and the wind blew the mace back into eyes. FML
Today, I left a note on the kitchen table saying to leave the door unlocked because I lost my key. I come home to find our house ransacked and robbed. Minutes later, I found my key. In my pocket. FML
Today, after volunteering all day at the homeless shelter, I was mugged on my way to my car. FML
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Top comments
krazy_glu3 0
buy another and empty it on his face and tell him that's what the mugger wouldve felt when he was mugging you if he hadn't emptied it out.
xxxJORDYBEARxxx 0
I hate muggers. they need to get a life
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Comments (43)
AkeemKN 1
pepper spray is tasty
xGUMMYBEARSx 0
pepper spray is yummy.
GreatGeak 8
buy a new can of pepper spray. spray your husband's co worker. then reply "I was bored"
AsianCookie247 14
hahaha very well said.
emoooze 0
Why would you put a picture on fml?
winocerous 0
Yes.
Faleni 4
lol best advice 10 haha
Dragons_corner 6
you should keep wasp spray on you too since it can shot 20 feet away from you and blind them. Also you should go to Budk.com they have tazers that are shaped normal, flashlights, walking can, an other looks. volts range between 100,000 to 1 million.
dre_bro11 12
#78, are tazers even legal? I don't think they are here in Australia.
GreatGeak 8
in the U.S. tazers are illegal however stun guns aren't. the difference between the two? one is used by police officers and shoots out cables that send an electric jolt through them (tazer) the other requires human contact and is less effective (stun gun). both are commonly (but mistakenly) called tazers.
azurablade 0
ydi for not noticing the WEIGHT of it!
pimper_fml 0
yeah wat
Nightwing98 22
Goes great with chicken!
xxxJORDYBEARxxx 0
I hate muggers. they need to get a life
AkeemKN 1
rofl
afdude87 6
Today, I realized I made my name on fml xxxxxJORDYBEARxxxx. FML
therealdavid 0
65~ I gotta say, you look like a drunk Robert Pattinson (yes I misspelled it):P
mintcar 10
Wow, we're picking on people's usernames now?
breena25 0
3 ur kinda cute :)
LemonStarship 5
Wow what an ass.
kikibisweet 0
Maybe you should carry a backup in your crotch.
AkeemKN 1
No ginger, no.
krazy_glu3 0
buy another and empty it on his face and tell him that's what the mugger wouldve felt when he was mugging you if he hadn't emptied it out.
takeapieandrun 9
A nice way to get a lawsuit...
AsianCookie247 14
but an even better way to get your vengeful anger out! ")
AsianCookie247 14
oh wow- nvm that last comment haha :)
MaximilianMarche 0
you're not asian
xGUMMYBEARSx 0
25, that's what I was thinking!!!!
AsianCookie247 14
actually, I am. but not fully. I'm half Vietnamese and half Italian.
sunnysurfchick 0
I love that reply so true!
Cookie4U 0
well that's steryotypical.... what Asians need to have slanty eyes to be Asians? Indians are part of Asia, Russia is part of Asia, are they not? your ignorance is bliss, oh and cookie your pretty! haha
gintori 0
wow, when u need it the most you are all out of it!
Grimmerie 31
no pepper spray? use the assault. you don't need a reason to season, just jump in there and tenderise that mis-steak of a mugger.
AkeemKN 1
go be a failure at being funny somewhere else.
Grimmerie 31
i thought we were friends, dude. smh
AkeemKN 1
you're pathetic assumptions are more humorous than your innate ability to produce comedy. gg.
Grimmerie 31
*your also i assume you meant inability? otherwise, thank you for that lovely compliment! now i'm glad we're not friends. my friends are smart.
AkeemKN 1
Misspellings fail to provide an accurate measurement of a person's intelligence. good try though.
Grimmerie 31
misuse of words is a rather accurate representation of one's mental and social ability, however. you have work to do. go study!
AkeemKN 1
I'm typing on an iPod. Go cry about grammar and spelling mistakes to your non existent friends. this is the internet. Trollolololol.
Grimmerie 31
so am i. my iPod doesnt switch negative and positive word forms. is yours a special model? you seem pretty hostile. while part of me is concerned and almost wants to ask you what's wrong, most of me is amused. please keep commenting.
AkeemKN 1
You're amused by people insulting you for kicks? Wow, wherever you spawned from must've been an interesting place.
Grimmerie 31
actually it's quite an interesting place, thanks for asking! the last winter olympics was held here, and there's a neat improv studio near my house. our gay village is pretty rad, now that I think about it ... oh, and we're right on the water.
AkeemKN 1
I didn't ask. I never will ask. why the hell would you take the initiative to answer a question that was never inquired. are you really that dense?
Grimmerie 31
well, considering most materials don't pass through me without amassing a considerable amount of speed or force, i would assume that, yes, my body is quite dense. thank you for making sure.
AkeemKN 1
I'm shocked, I thought for sure you would have posted a thoughtless, obnoxious pun riddled paragraph by now. you must be trying very hard to hold back.
Grimmerie 31
it is quite difficult. thank you for acknowledging my guilty pleasure. it means so much that you understand what I struggle with, and that you still stick around and talk to me! gosh, what a charming, upstanding person you are.
AkeemKN 1
you don't even know the half of it captain clueless.
Grimmerie 31
post more comments. gogogo.
xIINotorious 0
why can't we be friends? why can't we be friends?
AkeemKN 1
comments make this spastic happy apparently.
Grimmerie 31
spastic? oh dear. are you getting upset?
xIINotorious 0
I like trains!
AkeemKN 1
How fitting for such a stupid person to ask a stupid question.
I_R_Genius 3
Wow, no need to fight on this site. I'm surprised the mods haven't removed these comments yet.
Grimmerie 31
I also like trains! model trains are awesome.
perdix 31
The mugger probably would have used the spray on you anyways. If you are going to rely on weapons for self-defense, you have to know enough to keep them ready.
IHeartJimi02 0
I was thinking the same thing. Pepper spray won't do any good if they can not access it easily.
olarvman 5
learn some self defense moves
lordcaliburx 0
could of been rape.
nerfherder24 0
*could HAVE
lordcaliburx 0
*blow ME