Today, my mom bought me pepper spray in case anyone tried to "mess" with me. I put it in my purse. Later, a guy snatched my purse before I even had the chance to take out the pepper spray. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got mugged. But luckily I had on my keyring the pepper spray that my husband had insisted I keep with me. Unlucky for me, my husband's co-worker, who borrowed my keys, emptied my pepper by spraying it on a brick wall one day when he was bored. FML
Today, to protect me from the 'bad people' out there, my mom bought some pepper spray. While trying to test it, I accidentally sprayed myself in the eyes. Now, every person I meet asks me what I've been crying about. FML
Today, after lunch with my frail, disabled, 87-year-old father, I reached into my purse for lipstick. I didn't recognize the cute cylinder I pulled out, but thinking it was a flashlight, I pressed the little button, spraying my dad and myself in the face with pepper spray. FML
Today, I saw a toddler bolt in a parking lot. Since he was running towards the road behind me, I scooped him up to hand off to his mother. She shrieked, snatched him from my hands, and sprayed me with mace. While I was writhing in pain, some punk kid lifted my wallet and phone. FML
Today, my roommate showed me that her pepper spray had expired, so I decided to test it on myself. It worked. FML
Today, while on the bus, I took out my breath spray. The elderly lady beside me thought it was pepper spray. She panicked and started screaming, which culminated in the man near her punching me in the jaw. FML
Today, I got mugged. As the guys who took my purse were about to walk away, my cellphone rang in my pocket. FML
Today, I went to eat out. When I sat down, I realized I forgot my straw. I took my purse with me, not wanting it to get stolen. Someone stole my food instead. FML
Today, while on vacation with my family, my mother told me to put my phone in her purse, so it wouldn't get stolen. Someone stole her purse. FML
Today, the only parking spot available at the supermarket had some shopping carts in it, so I got out of my car and moved them. As soon as I finished, a lady stole the spot. When I confronted her, she maced me with pepper spray and walked off. FML
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Top comments
cudi504 4
Next time hold it at eye level at all times
cudi504 4
Thanks iv been working out
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Comments (120)
cudi504 4
Next time hold it at eye level at all times
noodlepoodle96 0
Nice picture o__O
cudi504 4
Thanks iv been working out
noodlepoodle96 0
It shows! Your double chin is quite toned.
Souners 3
The 2 he is holding up is his answer to how many large pizzas he will have.
noshatsherlockk 15
He's got passion in his pants and he's not afraid to show it.
MyMilkShake2Yard 0
Ohh I thought he was just showing a stick figure walking
bubble25_fml 5
Soooo what does all this have to do with the fml?
kalejaxson 5
Hopefully the purse snatcher will think it's deodorant.
My_Sweet_Shadow 4
Should have said "hold up" and offered him your coat as well. Then proceed to ask him to dinner! Of course he would have to pay since he took your purse! Then he would have given your purse back at the end and all would be well... :P Brownie points to those of you that get the reference.
IndigoAcrylic 9
Hawt.
_MissyJennifer_ 0
LOL nice pic o_o
Philliesfan9391 3
You've been working out? No one could tell!
Xx_Dakota_xX 1
1 is that a 6 pack I see? Bc it shows ;)
skullcandifiedDJ 5
I like how no one has actually read his profile description... cause it CLEARLY states that he isn't the fat kid in that picture
noodlepoodle96 0
Actually, I did! It's called having fun with it :p
tx_beast 5
^this whole convo just made my day. Thank you.
noodlepoodle96 0
Shoulda drop kicked him :p
xxGheTToGumbYxx 16
Shoulda worn a fanny pack!
ShyAnn29 15
2 where did you find that picture? It's so cute!
ShyAnn29 15
2, you changed your pic!! I wanted to know where you got that one with the dog.
noodlepoodle96 0
My brother showed it to me on the computer, I took a picture of it. I don't know what site though, but you could probably google the quote and see if the image comes up! Good luck :P
ShyAnn29 15
Ok thanks!
QuisMysterium 4
Shoot him in the knee with an arrow.
Souners 3
Uma Thurman would have known what to do.
noshatsherlockk 15
Thats why I carry my 12 inch kabar fighting knife. The pepper spray gives the impression of me being a weak, spineless, scared girl. Always works.
FatAbbot 5
Look out! We got a badass over here!
noshatsherlockk 15
I was kidding. Id probably run away. I'm wimpy :(
thisisafunnyname 12
look out! we got a wimp over here!
noshatsherlockk 15
Thanks :')
xxGheTToGumbYxx 16
Look out! We got a polite person over here!
noshatsherlockk 15
I'm waiting for the next one to say 'Look out! We got a manic-depressive over here!' cuz I feel pretty crazy/flattered right now.
Fx13mz 7
Look out! We got a C-C-Combo Breaker over here!
thisisafunnyname 12
look out! we got a manic depressive over here!
seacadet 18
KA-BAR has a a 7 inch blade!
rexgar2000 10
damn very slow reflexes from your part. it's Luke someone taking my gun from me before I shoot them lol.
Savra_fml 17
But you have an advantage by knowing something about the mugger. The guy who took your gun is called Luke.
That0therguy 4
What if your gun was in your purse?
me_gusta_eso 1
Yeah of course, just tell the mugger to wait a second while you take out your pepper spray.
Buttsexpirate 9
Need a moment? Chew it over with twix! *munch, munch* pulls out tazer gun and makes the robber piss himself.
FaZeClan 3
not funny.
Awsumuzzie 12
Omg, whew, 67 I was puzzled as to why he was getting thumbed down and why I didn't chuckle after reading his comment! You life saver, you...
ReesesPuffs 0
Just learn Kung Fu and go apeshit on him next time.
getoustahere 7
I
iam_yummylicious 12
...like ******!
Sl1mShad3y 10
12- cuz people get mugged by the same Person twice VERY often, right?
mind_fucked 4
My mom got mugged once they took her purse it was a "trick" purse u kno y? Bc inside was empty except for a wallet inside, the wallet contained fake credit cards that u get in the mail and mb a dollar and a couple coins!
ohmandapants 17
...so she was carrying around a fake purse? For what? Was she planning on getting mugged?
noodlepoodle96 0
Yeah really. I get being cautious, but where would she keep her actual stuff?
mind_fucked 4
Well if u must kno we live in a very bad neighborhood and there were a lot of reports of muggings in the area... My mom had an alarm in the car so she would hide her wallet under the seat, and nobody really messed w a car if there was an alarm attached so we got lucky w that!
flockz 20
or you could be like any other normal civilan and hide your wallet in your ass, along with everything else you own. you might have to move the 7th grade english dictionary out of the way first though.
ohmandapants 17
So she would hide the wallet under her car seat? And when she has to pay for something what does she do? This makes no sense
Savra_fml 17
21, if you talk the way you write, it is understandable that you get mugged. 15, to answer your question, for what? She only pretends to buy shit. That is why she carries a fake purse.
ohmandapants 17
Why even carry a purse. It's stupid.
Feklfekl2222 32
Exactly why bother with a purse when you have a handbag
coolcaarlos 3
That's stupid. Why didn't she just put her shit in her pockets or bra?
Feklfekl2222 32
I'm not trolling, I just think of you have a handbag with enough pockets in it there is no need for a purse
Capt_Oblivious 10
Thank god you didn't have to use it, it's American, you'd get sued for assaulting your attacker.
THE_A_TEEN 28
You can get sued for anything by criminals nowadays. I just heard a story about a kidnapper suing his victims for no keeping a promise. So ******* stupid...
cheefer 0
No, I'm sure it's Chinese.
hateevryone 15
sucks