Today, I received an email from my friend in South Africa, with whom I'll soon be staying for 2 months. She was telling me that she had bought me a few things so I would be prepared for my stay. What did she buy me? A taser and some pepper-spray. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I flew in to visit my long distance girlfriend. When I got out of the cab, I saw her way down the street walking the dog, so I hid behind the bushes to scare/surprise her. Mission accomplished. I just wish I hadn't bought her that pepper spray. FML
Today, my roommate showed me that her pepper spray had expired, so I decided to test it on myself. It worked. FML
Today, I got tased, with the same TASER I bought my girlfriend to use on people trying to rob her. FML
Today, I gave my girlfriend a small stun gun I bought for her. She mentioned how she thought it was ''cute'', though it probably wouldn't help if someone was after her. She then put the tazer to my chest. When I woke up, she told me how it was my fault, for buying it for her. FML
Today, my mom bought me pepper spray in case anyone tried to "mess" with me. I put it in my purse. Later, a guy snatched my purse before I even had the chance to take out the pepper spray. FML
Today, I gave my sister a stun gun for her birthday since she recently had a couple "close calls" walking home from work late at night. She was so excited and thankful that she wanted to express her gratitude by shocking me to see if it really worked. FML
Today, I got mugged. But luckily I had on my keyring the pepper spray that my husband had insisted I keep with me. Unlucky for me, my husband's co-worker, who borrowed my keys, emptied my pepper by spraying it on a brick wall one day when he was bored. FML
Today, my girlfriend was packing for her study abroad program. Jokingly, I got her a pack of condoms. She laughed, saying "Oh yeah, I'll definitely need some of those." Later, I showed up to take her to the airport and saw her open suitcase in the kitchen, with the condoms on top. FML
Today, my mom decided to try her new taser on me while I was asleep on the couch. FML
Today, my wife got the flu. While she was sleeping, I went out to buy her some soup and other things. When I was walking back through the door, she woke up, thought I was a burglar, and threw the closest thing to her at me. What was it? A cactus. FML
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Top comments
waffule365 16
at least your friends being helpful?
theWanderer011 11
Ahahaha! Your friend's a joker, mate. A taser won't help you here!
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Comments (171)
iamthunder 4
Sounds like your going to have a wild time ...
waddiepaddie 3
They won't help you here! Get yourself a gun or a big knife :)
waddiepaddie 3
Today my dog hid my liquid shoe polish. I found it. So did my computer keyboard, me desk and my cat. everything is now black. And no. Acetone does not remove it.
moizoFLY 1
Guys you're all wrong, she needs the tazer to cook her zebra meat which she hunted herself because we don't get electricity here in South Africa, or have shops or tar roads. *slaps hand to face* Hey for a third world country dealing with everything we've been dealt we are not doing too badly at all. So don't judge a country until you've lived there!
zarbang 3
Did you actually know anything about South Africa before you decided to stay there for two months?
maryfairylexi 4
Ohh please. You're friends joking with you man. SA ain't that bad... Unless you go to one of those dodgey areas like Soweto... The thing with the racism is that people just refuse to get over the past. Even smaller kids in the schools accuse you of being racist if you for example reprimand them and you're a different colour.
proudlySA17 0
Let’s start with the worst, most publicized fact about South Africa’s crime issue: South Africa has roughly 50 murders per day. Though this is certainly a terrible fact, it is highly misleading. Why is that? Murder rates are traditionally measured using the number of murders per 100,000 people. Using that measurement, South Africa had 40.4 murders per 100,000 people during 2006/2007.(1) That is, of course, still a very high statistic. But, it is important that you put this statistic into perspective before you make any judgments. In 2006 Washington, D.C. had 29.7 murders per 100,000 people.(2) In 2005 that number was 35.4.(3) Three years before this in 2003 it had 44.7 murders per 100,000 people. (4) Have you or your family ever had the least concern about visiting Washington, D.C.? In 2006 Birmingham, Alabama had 44.5 murders per 100,000 people and St. Louis, Missouri had 37.2 murders per 100,000
kkrazyangel 16
You'll be rape-proof!
Sasha92_fml 3
I find it so ammusing that people who have never even been to SA , suddenly know everything there is to know about the country :) I have lived in SA my entire life. I live in Cape Town now but have lived in Johannesburg too. I have NEVER , yes NEVER, been the victim of a crime here. Some may call that lucky, but i have plenty of friends who, like me, have not been victimised. There is crime EVERYWHERE. Ironically, the first time i EVER got 'mugged' was in the USA. People need to try become more knowledgable before branding our BEAUTIFUL country purely on what has been heard (by people who themselves probably have no idea). We have cities, transportation systems and technology on par with alot of leading countries.(Im saying this because i have spoken tio foreigners who honestly think we ride elephants to school, have no electricity and live in huts-EDUCATE YOURSELVES) I have travelled all over the world and would never want to live ANYWHERE else. In fact i have a number of foreign friends( USA, UK and other parts of Europe) who have immagrated to SA after visiting and falling inlove. YES, we have crime. But where doesnt!! PROUDLY AOUTH AFRICAN.
cousining 0
King needs a new dream; that americans get brains. Dang y'all are stoooopid lol. Anyhows, OP, you and your friend will probably use the taser to scare each other and the pepper spray to see who has the highest tolerance for heat. ;) you'll love SA and don't forget to hit the nightlife.