Today, I found out that I can get my girlfriend to make more sex noises by massaging her back than I can by actually having sex with her. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I've realised that I give my girlfriend more pleasure with back rubs than with anything sexual. FML
Today, while giving my girlfriend a back-rub, she moaned and commented, "If only you could fuck this well." FML
Today, I realized that masturbating to pictures of my girlfriend is better than having sex with her. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he gets the same amount of entertainment out of tickling me and having sex with me, and he likes the tickling noises better. FML
Today, I was giving my wife a massage. That led to some very intense and passionate love making, and she told me that has been the best sex we’ve had. Next thing I know, she's upset and yelling at me about how massages always lead to sex. She was asking for it. Literally. FML
Today, I noticed my husband makes better sex sounds on the toilet then he does with me. FML
Today, I learned two things. First, my girlfriend loves sex. Second, I'm practically the only one she hasn't had sex with in the 2 months we've been dating. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me I don't make enough noise during sex. Then when we had sex again, I made the noises she wanted. She then broke up with me because, apparently, when I came, I screamed like a girl. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a massage with a back massager, and as a joke I put it up against his butthole. He moaned louder than I've ever heard him moan and begged me to put it back. This can't be a good sign. FML
Today, my girlfriend started making pig noises during sex. FML
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Top comments
supervacaneous 4
Start by giving her a massage, then try to get laid. Sounds like she's in the mood.
lukep135 6
Try the massage sex combo. That works every time in pleasing your lover
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Comments (118)
dregtp 1
That sucks, learn to use it OP
lyssa_jean 7
Or if you just cant get it right, use a vibrator on her. that'll get her;)
Jonkbaby 23
sex doesn't just involve the private parts you know..
starman02 12
It doesn't?!.. Sex.. As in sexual intercourse? .. I'm from Canada and I dunno if you have a different kind of sex ed wherever your from BUT sex is, and always has been, involving the "private parts". If your being sarcastic someone really should make a sarcastic font! :)
StoryOfTheYear 15
So you mean to tell me my brother was lying to me the whole time when he said to make babies I need to stick my nose in her belly button and blow as hard as I can?
xXUND3ADcityXx 0
Last time I checked sex involved a guys' you know and a girls' you know...but hey what do I know
sm0kinBCBudz 0
Yea 25 I'm in Canada I it same classes
Miss_Trejo 5
I agree with 16. Sex involves the entire body...
gravygecko 2
Canada, they even manage to make sex boring.
ZoeElizabeth 0
He didn't say it didn't involve inside part he said it didn't JUST involve them. If you think that that is all sex is then you have bigger problems than being Canadian.
challan 19
Well, im not visiting Canada anytime soon! For a woman, sex does involve the whole body. It also can start hours before having sex for us. A pat on the ass, a sexy whisper in the ear, brushing your fingers over her neck... Do something every time you walk by her! Try it guys, and you'll see a change.
willisawesome 0
This remind anyone else of that one Friends episode?
Jonkbaby 23
40, 54, and 55 you girls know how its done..
resplendencerino_fml 3
you're so stupid, it must hurt
supervacaneous 4
Start by giving her a massage, then try to get laid. Sounds like she's in the mood.
lukep135 6
Try the massage sex combo. That works every time in pleasing your lover
kikiwi_fml 9
This guy knows what he's talking about.
deransc 19
Try to put in as much effort into sex as you do her massage
Pentium_4 27
dude, eat her out to warm her up instead. works well
4rmMiami 4
It works well... I should know
crazycatgirl 0
Alot of FMLs are about sex. It seems like people just can't get their sex lives together.
lebronesque73091 12
#4 Lol, I didn't expect to read that or at least for it to be worded that way. But on a serious note, that is probably a good idea.
lebronesque73091 12
#94 I agree. It's a shame really. But they are interesting to say the least.
Altuna15 0
Gotta love your way of thinking!!!
DontClickOnMe 28
Well, massages can be pretty orgasmic sometimes...
Nevereverland 8
I dont know whats worse your picture , or the fact that i click on it anyway every single time!
jayylove 1
xD your comment made my day
eimiii_fml 0
I just can't take that comment seriously with that picture..
tacocrunchy12 0
BRIAN PEPPERS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Keevarou 17
I can't blame her kind of, getting a good massage is heavenly:) And hey, that must mean you're good at giving massages ^^ So you should be proud about that :3
Meowingtons500 18
Did Keev get a new account? :)
Keevarou 17
Eeyup I did ^_^ You guys won't get rid of me that fast :)
StoryOfTheYear 15
Well what happened to the old one?
Keevarou 17
Rage quitting ^_^ I were in a bad mood and needed some time to collect myself ^^
LadyLol_fml 15
Well we're glad you're back :)
lyssa_jean 7
This should be an fml for your gf. I'm sure you still get off......
DuffleBagHero 4
Not every girl has to moan while having sex, it also doesn't mean she's pleased any the less either.
auntycj 0
I agree. **** is not reality.
Meowingtons500 18
Awe, don't feel bad OP, at least you can make her feel good in some ways. :)
Lanewood 2
You should feel bad OP.. You're just terrible in bed it seems
pinkpixie06 11
Start by giving her a relaxing massage. Then make it part of your foreplay! She'll be relaxed and after your hands have been all over her body, you'll both be "in the mood".