Today, I found out that I can get my girlfriend to make more sex noises by massaging her back than I can by actually having sex with her. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I've realised that I give my girlfriend more pleasure with back rubs than with anything sexual. FML
Today, while giving my girlfriend a back-rub, she moaned and commented, "If only you could fuck this well." FML
Today, I realized that masturbating to pictures of my girlfriend is better than having sex with her. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he gets the same amount of entertainment out of tickling me and having sex with me, and he likes the tickling noises better. FML
Today, I was giving my wife a massage. That led to some very intense and passionate love making, and she told me that has been the best sex we’ve had. Next thing I know, she's upset and yelling at me about how massages always lead to sex. She was asking for it. Literally. FML
Today, I noticed my husband makes better sex sounds on the toilet then he does with me. FML
Today, I learned two things. First, my girlfriend loves sex. Second, I'm practically the only one she hasn't had sex with in the 2 months we've been dating. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me I don't make enough noise during sex. Then when we had sex again, I made the noises she wanted. She then broke up with me because, apparently, when I came, I screamed like a girl. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a massage with a back massager, and as a joke I put it up against his butthole. He moaned louder than I've ever heard him moan and begged me to put it back. This can't be a good sign. FML
Today, my girlfriend started making pig noises during sex. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
supervacaneous 4
Start by giving her a massage, then try to get laid. Sounds like she's in the mood.
lukep135 6
Try the massage sex combo. That works every time in pleasing your lover
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (118)
izzy7 11
Massage her back during sex. My boyfriend does it for me and it's amazing!
felisaa 5
No offense, but thats kinda weird...
teague95 16
In what way is her boyfriend massaging her back weird?
laden_swallow09 35
Weird? Not in the slightest. Try it before you knock it! :)
RedPillSucks 33
Probably thinks it's weird to do it while having sex. It's kind of like rubbing your head and tummy at the same time or moving your hands clockwise and counter-clockwise at the same time.
deransc 19
You sound like a wild one!
sm0kinBCBudz 0
5- nice dinner is 60$ 24 vodka is 27$ errr. I wonder both get you laid..
HayleyNicole94 0
Bitch please, ice cubes. Use them on her entire body. It makes every muscle tighten up. And bte GOOGLE DOES WONDERS;)
breeY0 7
why must you say bitch please before every comment ?
laden_swallow09 35
That's not unusual, OP. I'm louder when I use a backscratcher than I am when I'm getting it on with my lover. At least you DO know how to make her purr like a kitten. Use that knowledge liberally! :)
TheEpicMilkMan 13
fml, where anyone can get sex advice/techniques :D
4rmMiami 4
I find that true in some ways
RedPillSucks 33
Also, where anyone, even 13yr-olds can GIVE sexual advice... -.-
TheEpicMilkMan 13
^ sadly yes, but I can say that our generation is trying to be grown too fast and not trying to enjoy their childhood like regular kids :/ trust me I know cause I see a lot of girls/guys that are 12-14 on my friends list on Facebook with people from "Jersey Shore" as their idols *facepalm*
birdcagereligion 10
Some people are just like that. I'm completely silent in bed. Not purposely, I just sort of stare while it sounds like he's running a marathon or something.
mhopper 13
That sounds kinda creepy.
birdcagereligion 10
It scared him the first time I think. It shocked me too, because it was my first time and I sort of didn't expect to be silent... the whole time. I can't help it though.
RedPillSucks 33
Neither a Nymphomaniac nor a Necrophiliac be...
gravygecko 2
You may not know this, but chicks really like back rubs.
angelinaanimerg 7
massages feel GOOD Means nothing
alexdrakeiscool 1
LOL that's just like me.
kyrosk91 6
39 - romantic dinner leading to sex >>>> drunk sex