Today, my boyfriend still couldn't work out where my clitoris is. It's RIGHT THERE, you idiot. I've pointed it out, but each time it's like he needs a compass and a map or something. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. When I didn't get off right away, he asked what he was doing wrong. I told him he was doing fine, but instead of focusing only on my vagina, he might want to pay attention to my clitoris as well. His response? "What's a clitoris?" FML
Today, I had to play the hot and cold game with my boyfriend until he found my clitoris. FML
Today, I was trying to be sexy and rub my boyfriend's un-aroused package while we were watching a movie. I couldn't find it. FML
Today, my boyfriend was about to go down on me as foreplay before losing his virginity and he actually poked my clitoris and said, "What’s this thing?" FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't know what it's like to be turned on. Apparently, I've been doing something wrong for the past two years. FML
Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he flicks my clitoris just right, my legs both twitch spastically regardless of arousal level. He thinks it's hilarious and can no longer take sex seriously. FML
Today, my boyfriend is still determined to find my kink. I keep telling him I don’t have one. Literally, I don’t. He isn’t forcing me to do anything physically but he won’t drop the subject. He keeps making all these different suggestions and expecting me to have some magical discovery or something. FML
Today, I walked out halfway through a much anticipated dick appointment because it became apparent that he thought my clit was located somewhere on my upper thigh. He kept rubbing it and moaning, "Oooooh, I bet you like that, baby." No, sir, I certainly did not. FML
Today, frustrated that my boyfriend never gives me any orgasms when we make love, I tried politely hinting that he needs to improve. To start with, I said maybe he should be more spontaneous in bed. He replied, "What, like putting it in your ass? Gotcha." Great. FML
Today, I was explaining the inner parts of a vagina and how they work. To my boyfriend. FML
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Top comments
steve247 2
Try circling it with a sharpie?
orgasm_blush 4
Hmmm. How old are you guys I feel like that might play a big part in this.
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Comments (362)
ConnorBrown36 5
don't be mad, I bet the night was still young
flipfloperson 5
I bet THEY'RE still young
RacistPancake 6
Turn safe search off and google image huge clit... I dare you.
SCREAM4meeee 0
Don't be hatin' OP. Who knows, you might give horrible blow jobs.
GoingCommando93 14
Ydi for pre-marital sex.
ZealIFeel 7
OP should color code her genitals and provide him with a key map. It never fails in shopping malls, so I'm sure its purpose would translate nicely.
Browncakeman 4
Let him know it looks like a tiiiiiny ********, I'm sure he's worked plenty of those.
perdix 31
#36, I took your dare. Yuck! I'm sure there are some guys that wish they had that much.
IscoreOnU 19
You forgot a sextant.
canttouchthis90 0
If he can't find your clit.... He's too young for you bro.
REX50ROC 0
yeah im scarred for life #36
ykthechild 0
Hey I always need a map when there's a jungle..if you know what I'm saying
SwtCherryPie 26
#36 OMG after reading your post i googled it outta curiousity.. that is soo freaky..
WeemanIsBack 3
If you googled huge clit, don't google blue waffle.
Mario_lib 6
Its not a huge clit. Just google "hermaphrodite"
marpay 11
240- just like men have different sized penises women have different sized clits. Plus the more testosterone in your body the larger it gets.
dumboears 8
250- I doubt it. The way the FML is worded makes it sound like they've done this a lot. (does anyone else find it a challenge to remember the number of the person you're replying to when using the app?)
whitesox365 0
I dont quite appreciate her attitude. "How dare you try to please me in this way, male companion! I give you a D- for effort! Mwahahahahahah!!!"
hypuuurness 6
172- hahaha I was waiting for someone to say that!
VeganVampyre 27
252 (?) Yes, I do! It's annoying.
EasyEnough72 4
You wanna see scarred? Look up female body builders with safe search off :)
mrkwaje 0
It good to play stupid than do something u do not want to do.
sicnesses 6
Zing
orgasm_blush 4
Hmmm. How old are you guys I feel like that might play a big part in this.
Iamnotyourmom 0
Your display pic kind of reminds me of this FML.
imcutefml 0
It really would i didnt kno where until like a month ago xD
alpaquette91 9
Circle circle dot dot you can't find my playful spot!
KiddNYC1O 22
Hey, what did #70 say?
luvlyric 5
Seriously? XDDD
giraffemagic 0
True. I think this is the dumbest FML I've read in a while. Oh no, your life sucks so much because your boyfriend can't find your ********. (sarcastic)
Bravo11 14
This FML is slightly funny but an awful one in general. It's worded all wrong. Im sorta surprised it made it through.
NPN_Scorpio 16
Yes, very Georgia O'Keeffe...
FusionFrenzy 10
Dumbass
azouwa 26
My ex husband couldn't find mine either. After 9 years with him, giving him a map, and pointing many times, I gave up.
steve247 2
Try circling it with a sharpie?
lionlvr 9
Yes..
flockz 20
then highlight it
Enslaved 38
Or you can use the light from your iPod/phone and shine it on the parts of your body you want him to touch/kiss. (:
Binkding 6
Lol
13FTW 9
87, what the **** does that have to do with anything?
Enslaved 38
Well.... I thought people were suggesting cute fun ways to show where the OP's clit was to make things more playful. I guess this was not the case. Now do you understand? Or is it still too difficult for you?
HomeAl0ne 20
Yeah, draw a little Pierre face on it. If nothing else you'll enjoy the thirty minutes of scrubbing in the shower to get it off afterwards.
DKjazz 20
200- "get it off"
VeganVampyre 27
I thought it was a cute idea, Enslaved. But no, it didn't really fit with these comments. They weren't being serious (I hope!)
13FTW 9
154, go pet your pussy. Which has been correctly referred to as ugly.
lifesuxalways12 0
Get it pierced
Octain 13
87- or you could use laser pointer, and hope he chases it like a cat. Without the clawing of course.
RubyRed829 12
Funniest shit I've read all day.
Bladian 5
Wow, you're a huge bitch.
DoNotEnter 5
That's okay... My boyfriend knows where it is but can't figure out how to use it. :(
proxxX069069 7
Show him how you like it ? :P
CryMoreFMLs 15
It's a fairly obvious portion of the female genetalia... I can understand not finding the urethra but... The boyfriend has no excuses.
ally_85 1
lol mine too!! it's annoying to have to show him..total turnoff to me to have to teach but! if u like him just do it once and hopefully he'll figure it out...I mean...come on men...google!
akayc32 0
It's not that hard to understand their confusion, men don't have one and mostly they don't have to have special tricks to reach ******. Sad fact of life. If you aren't willing to have patience and teach, then learn to love to take care of it yourself.
ally_85 1
so? I don't have a penis but I can use one :) people are together to enjoy one another...who wants to only ********** the rest their lives? lol
DKjazz 20
199- *raises hand* EDIT: *raises left hand*
KasCiaYr 0
Did he say that?
akayc32 0
199, penises are significantly easier than their female counter parts as far as stimulation goes.
limblessorphan 4
Is that why you're called "donotenter"?
ReynshineCutting 10
Or you could try different things to get G spot stimulation then the ******** becomes unnecessary. It's soooo much better anyway
akayc32 0
277, it's not yet confirmed that every woman has a g-spot, I actually think studies have shown fewer women have a g-spot than not, but I can't remember.
withered 30
Every woman has a G spot, don't blame woman for guys being bad at sex and unable to satisfy a woman.
born12l8 0
Now you, your life sucks
ck11_fml 1
so find a different boyfriend. problem solved.
mapl3loop 0
X marks the spot.
liquidSELECT 0
She should do the same to his penis
RomanCatMama 16
Don't you mean G marks the spot?
Petunia888 13
Or in this case, G marks the spot.
KiddNYC1O 22
33- So close!
jizzwold 21
I bet thirty three was all like "ya I'm so clever and original right now." and then she was like "fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu..."
Petunia888 13
Yeah, that's what happens when two people comment within a second of each other. :-/
nater535 7
Wait does he have the map so he can find the compass and therefore know what room it's in?
biglittlehead 12
Is that an ocarina of time reference?
eaglesfootball 1
Wow that's a really dumb reply 8
Vash879 0
It'd work with any zelda game bar maybe 2
ShotgunMessiah 18
Yes, ocarina of time is the first and only Zelda game with a map and compass.
biglittlehead 12
It the only Zelda game I've ever played so I wouldn't know. I just got my 3rd and I'm fairly new to nintendo.
CabooseWins 0
112- That's a badass pic. Very awesome.
biglittlehead 12
Lol thanks
XxXColourmeKitte 0
No it isn't. Link to the past and Link's awakening had them as well. They were for Gameboy and Super Nintendo.
liquidSELECT 0
Show him a diagram of the female genitalia
CryMoreFMLs 15
Afterwards have a review session followed up by a game of "i spy...".
liquidSELECT 0
Win
CryMoreFMLs 15
Thank you.
dethmagnetic1 0
That means a lot coming from a guy with a default pic of a zebra ******* the neck of a giraffe -.-...
CryMoreFMLs 15
The compliment is always nice. Get the broom out of your ass.
SPC117 5
this is awkward...
TzzaNL 8
That wasn't very nice, you sound like a bitch. Just calm your **** down please
Jazzalyn 10
Or, in this case, XXX.
kkmwong 11
Win win win.