Today, I found out that I can get my girlfriend to make more sex noises by massaging her back than I can by actually having sex with her. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I've realised that I give my girlfriend more pleasure with back rubs than with anything sexual. FML
Today, while giving my girlfriend a back-rub, she moaned and commented, "If only you could fuck this well." FML
Today, I realized that masturbating to pictures of my girlfriend is better than having sex with her. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he gets the same amount of entertainment out of tickling me and having sex with me, and he likes the tickling noises better. FML
Today, I was giving my wife a massage. That led to some very intense and passionate love making, and she told me that has been the best sex we’ve had. Next thing I know, she's upset and yelling at me about how massages always lead to sex. She was asking for it. Literally. FML
Today, I noticed my husband makes better sex sounds on the toilet then he does with me. FML
Today, I learned two things. First, my girlfriend loves sex. Second, I'm practically the only one she hasn't had sex with in the 2 months we've been dating. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me I don't make enough noise during sex. Then when we had sex again, I made the noises she wanted. She then broke up with me because, apparently, when I came, I screamed like a girl. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a massage with a back massager, and as a joke I put it up against his butthole. He moaned louder than I've ever heard him moan and begged me to put it back. This can't be a good sign. FML
Today, my girlfriend started making pig noises during sex. FML
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Top comments
supervacaneous 4
Start by giving her a massage, then try to get laid. Sounds like she's in the mood.
lukep135 6
Try the massage sex combo. That works every time in pleasing your lover
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Comments (118)
SaintT 15
I have never had that problem quite honestly, but my thought is maybe she has some mixed brain waves or some switched nerve endings?!? TRY RUBBING IT ALL OVER HER BACK, THAT JUST MIGHT DO IT!!!
Goldenjet87 3
you gotta warm up the oven before u stick in the turkey
BradenLock 4
Make sex and a back rub one occasion. Just do them together, and maybe she'll associate the nice feeling with sex. Besides, if she likes back rubs so much, she can't say it wasn't good for her. Btw, good for OP for actually giving his girlfriend a massage.
hateevryone 15
Maybe she really needs a massage. Massages feel good.
passion94grl 0
You sound like my boyfriend lol!
aileen15 15
that sucks
twisted_cherub 14
39- So you either... ...have to get a girl drunk to get laid. or... ...only like cheap women who get sloppy drunk, screw you once and don't care if you call back. Learn how to treat a woman right or enjoy a very lonely life. P.S. You can make a girl dinner at home for around $20. If you aren't a great cook, invite her to help you prepare the meal. Works like a charm.
twisted_cherub 14
OP, you must have very talented hands to give such good massages. Grab a sex manual (i.e. "Sex for Dummies", "She Comes First", etc) and put those amazing hands to work in more stimulating ways.
Roxxxxay 13
Aw this has been on TFLN once but from the girls point of view. I really want to know if that's the same couple :D
whattheforkdude 0
Give her some rusty spoons. The feeling against your fingers is almost... Orgasmic...
RedPillSucks 33
OK. I've made my self dirty by googling "rusty spoon" in the urban dictionary and none of the things there fit with what you're saying, sooooo.... With all due respect... Watchatalkinaboutwillis?
Lililthx 7
You should watch Salad Fingers :)