Today, I learned two things. First, my girlfriend loves sex. Second, I'm practically the only one she hasn't had sex with in the 2 months we've been dating. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I discovered after 11 months, my girlfriend is finally ready to have sex. I discovered this by walking in on her and one of my friends. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. We haven't had sex yet. FML
Today, I discovered my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I've had in the last year. FML
Today, while talking with my girlfriend about dating, I learned that she has had more girlfriends than I have. FML
Today, I found out that my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I have in our last year of marriage. FML
Today, I took my "girlfriend" to a nice restaurant to celebrate our first month anniversary, only to find out she didn't even know we're dating, but only "friends who have sex sometimes." FML
Today, I realized how much I hate my girlfriend, when I got excited as the doctor told me I should refrain from having sex for the next two months. FML
Today, while playing a game, my girlfriend told a bunch of our friends that she's never had an orgasm. News to me. FML
Today, my girlfriend of over a year told me the reason we've only been intimate once in the past 8 months is because she thinks she might be asexual. I love her, but I miss the intimacy we had when we first started dating. FML
Today, I discovered that my infertile girlfriend, who I have been having unprotected sex with for the past two months, is apparently very fertile. FML
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Top comments
HowieDoIt 21
2 months? Santa can make it around to every house in one night. She's got some catching up to do.
feldco1 17
Good thing it's only been a couple months and not a couple years. Time to dump that bitch OP.
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Comments (140)
kremmel 12
Bummer city, man.
kremmel 12
hey, downvoters: suck dese nuts like OP's girlfriend.
pieman528 10
Issues... And lots of em
HowieDoIt 21
Complaining about a few downvotes? Who here hasn't been downvoted on here at least once? You learn to move on, there's close to 10 fmls in one day, try again later.
kremmel 12
I sympathized with OP and expressed my qualms with downvoters; SURELY I must have issues. Get real.
Welshite 40
I'll bring cookies, too. Who's bringing the drinks?
kremmel 12
Sorry guys, I ain't got the time for an FML brawl right now. Better luck next time.
ohgeejosee 19
I actually didn't downvote you until you started complaining. Lol
red_headforlife 15
Agreed with 31, the complaining kind of makes everyone want to down vote you. And I'll join you Noor!
lilhellian 27
Oooo it's been a while since a fight! :o *sits on grassy hill under a tree and watches*
Sandman366 6
Uhh, nope, you whined and insulted down voters. That basically says "I should be down voted even if it's a good comment!"
Matt_greener 8
Salsa!! WE NEED SALSA!!
Bakarra 22
Apparently ms kremmel got destroyed so bad that the whole thread was obliterated...
lilhellian 27
#89 Victory party?
ulquiorra102 10
Well I'd say that's understatement of the year.
HowieDoIt 21
2 months? Santa can make it around to every house in one night. She's got some catching up to do.
ohgeejosee 19
Be kind of thankful OP! Get out while you're still clean!!
license2chill 5
Maybe it's a good thing that OP hasn't had sex with her yet, she spared OP all the possible nasty STDs that could be passed to OP. think positive
FlubbaBubba 12
I wouldn't want to think positive when it comes down to STDs...
zilla52 12
to me it sounds like you're the friends zone
LaughinStock 16
Nope to me it sounds like Op was dating a bitch. I never understand why people cheat when they can just call it quits.
SoulAmeliorate 16
3 - She'll be lucky to get that
feldco1 17
Good thing it's only been a couple months and not a couple years. Time to dump that bitch OP.
twaumat 28
yes! let her go.
lonewolf621 17
Set the bitch free into the wild.
Gook0123 9
well, get yourself on the list ;) then dump her.
afallingstar 22
No...just dump her...you don't know what she might have.
SirEskimo 13
I wonder why she would avoid having sex with you, rawdoglyfe69. It seriously boggles my mind.
gracehi 33
Stupid username aside, I don't understand why she would not have sex with her boyfriend when she's having sex with everyone else. I mean, I can understand not having sex with her boyfriend or anyone else, and, although I detest it, I can understand her having sex with her boyfriend and other people. But for her to cheat on her boyfriend and never have sex with him either just boggles my mind.
Epikouros 32
Maybe sex with her boyfriend seemed too serious for her, or cheating was more exciting. She's still an immature bitch, if they really had a relationship, but it's not difficult to explain.
gracehi 33
But then why have a boyfriend at all? That's what I don't understand.
SilverInGray 25
66 - maybe the risk of being caught and doing something forbidden made it more exciting for her.
gracehi 33
Well that makes sense, although it's extremely ****** up.
408trancejunkie 3
Well get the **** out of the dead end relationship
s0m3guy2010 21
What! She told me she was a virgin!
Bakarra 22
Same here bro...I'm about to go get tested now... wanna come with?
s0m3guy2010 21
Nah. A cold sore isn't a STD.
Bakarra 22
Man I really wanna say you just took a shot at me cuz theres no other way what you said could make sense, but then if I just assumed you were taking a shot at me I'd seem confrontational and we can't have that can we...
s0m3guy2010 21
If I took a shot at anybody, then I'm a really bad shot. I think calling it a suicide comment bomb would be more appropriate. Why limit cold sores to you when there is enough for everyone!?
FML_14u2c 14
A virgin in the "other" hole, perhaps? (I doubt it...)
NoFlippinWai 24
well, if she was she didnt tell me and she isnt anymore after last night :)
Maikeru79 10
a cold sore is to an STD. it is a form of Herpes
cheshire123 6
It can be, but isn't always.
SavingRyansPvts 4
I could throw out the old "Hit it and quit it", but it seems everyone else beat you to it...
ApollosMyth 22
I wouldn't want to contract anything. So hitting and quitting is out of the question in my opinion :P
Leki_0609 11
that's why you rip and dip with protection.
simplysarcastics 26
Wow... Glad its only two months in. Can't turn a hoe into a housewife. Dump her.
siberianhamster 17
That girl is not, and has never been, your girlfriend.
Stefanie88 24
It seems like she really isn't, maybe OP was just confused and is actually in the friendzone? who knows, either way his life sucks.
Ryodin 11
I almost think that was a Star Trek reference. Are you, in fact, awesome?