Today, I found out that I can get my girlfriend to make more sex noises by massaging her back than I can by actually having sex with her. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I've realised that I give my girlfriend more pleasure with back rubs than with anything sexual. FML
Today, while giving my girlfriend a back-rub, she moaned and commented, "If only you could fuck this well." FML
Today, I realized that masturbating to pictures of my girlfriend is better than having sex with her. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he gets the same amount of entertainment out of tickling me and having sex with me, and he likes the tickling noises better. FML
Today, I was giving my wife a massage. That led to some very intense and passionate love making, and she told me that has been the best sex we’ve had. Next thing I know, she's upset and yelling at me about how massages always lead to sex. She was asking for it. Literally. FML
Today, I noticed my husband makes better sex sounds on the toilet then he does with me. FML
Today, I learned two things. First, my girlfriend loves sex. Second, I'm practically the only one she hasn't had sex with in the 2 months we've been dating. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me I don't make enough noise during sex. Then when we had sex again, I made the noises she wanted. She then broke up with me because, apparently, when I came, I screamed like a girl. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a massage with a back massager, and as a joke I put it up against his butthole. He moaned louder than I've ever heard him moan and begged me to put it back. This can't be a good sign. FML
Today, my girlfriend started making pig noises during sex. FML
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Top comments
supervacaneous 4
Start by giving her a massage, then try to get laid. Sounds like she's in the mood.
lukep135 6
Try the massage sex combo. That works every time in pleasing your lover
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Comments (118)
HooHooHa 6
I have a solution! Record the sex noises and play them when you have actual sex. That's not weird at all, is it?
Mister_Triangle 21
Nope, totally normal.
brokenheart10 0
You go ahead do that ;)
itsgen 16
Try a back rub while in the middle of sex
imveryhandsome1 0
Only Asians can do such a thing
jayhawkchik 4
Lol. At least the neighbors THINK you're getting some.
hama806 19
Clearly you're not doing it for her in bed OP. Man up and learn some skills.
Wtfeezy 5
Massage= sex! Warm up her g spots!!
Mister_Triangle 21
Warm up her g-spots? Your elementary-school-level sex-ed has failed you
RedPillSucks 33
Just because your woman has only one.... Maybe he's into those alien women
demonkonga 5
Start massaging her entire body and let see what happen
starman02 12
That sucks sorry OP! ... But at least you know that you have to.. "step up your game" In the sack.. It'll be fun practicing ;)
muralidharan 1
looks like you are more better in massaging than that
klorehore 24
then you have something that needs working on.
TrentF13 12
Just ask her how you can improve, if you're worried about it. And ask her to be honest in her response. (but not while in the middle of sex...)