Today, after many, many attempts to get her out of my life, the girl that is stalking me told me that she loves me and our love can only be ended by her killing either herself or me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend of 3 weeks gave me an ultimatum: marry her, or she kills herself. FML
Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. Now she's threatening to kill herself if I don't forgive her. FML
Today, the girl I've been seeing for just over a week casually let me know that she'll slash her wrists if I ever leave her. FML
Today, I had a great time with a girl I liked. I asked her out and she said yes. She also said she cuts herself and if I ever broke up with her, I'll be responsible for her death. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend of one week is suicidal and crazy about me. She showed me that she'd carved her old boyfriend's name in her arm, and she threatened suicide if I ever left her. FML
Today, I told my mom I loved her and she asked if I was going to kill myself. FML
Today, the girl of my dreams, the one person I've met in my life that I could see myself spending the rest of it with, told me she loves me. She then specifically added "...but not in that way, so we could never be together." FML
Today, the girl I've been seeing for less than a week started raging and ended up threatening me with a knife, after I shot down her idea of getting married next month. FML
Today, I found out that the woman I could fall in love with is dating a friend of mine. I think I will end up alone, and die alone. FML
Today, I received the only love letter I've ever gotten. Too bad it's from the guy who's been stalking me. FML
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Top comments
Luckster 0
Run...Police NEVER help in cases like these. Just ******* RUN!
bladelix3 1
ummm she needs to seek help
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Comments (193)
MaddogTotten 0
If you do hand her the gun, I suggest mailing the bullets. You dont want her to change her mind on which of you should be the one to check out while youre in the room.
chellinha93 0
hahahaaha #26 seems to know well what he's talking about, lol.
Bigboss619 0
Dear god i hope #5 and #19 are joking
Rayn4u_fml 0
Funny she told you this as if there were any debate regarding this matter: 1. The love* ended on your side 2. You can live without her 3. Everybody can live without her 4. Do not under any circumstances, volunteer. * In this context 'love' is defined as the occasional pity smile he gave her.
College_Wrestler 0
THIS IS REALLLLLLY CREEPY. GET HER TO A PSYCHIATRIST IMMEADIATELY!
BikerMike 0
Ask her to prove her love for you by killing herself. hopefully no more psyco ****.
driscoll1985 0
My ex girlfriend ruined my life for a year. she tried to kill me by burning my house down, stalked me day and night, at my house, work, friends houses, parties, bars, clubs. She smashed my car up, told the police I raped her, texted and rang me every 5 to ten minutes day and night and the police did **** ALL. In the end i got so wound up that when she was stalking me outside my house (after about a year of shit) I just went out and smacked her in the nose and broke it. She reported it but I denied all knowledge. 3 nights later she stalked me again and I smacked her in her nose again (even got a little blood on me top!!) and didnt hear anything after that!!!
around_the_world 0
Good job, man, seriously. As any fed-up last resort, I'd also do the same to keep a psycho bitch off.
Lisa89 3
I feel really sorry for you. And in that case... it's defo okay to hit a woman.
brianjman14 23
She really burned your house down? WTF?!?! I would've killed the person if they did that to my house.
neonokku 0
Maybe if he cries they'll show interest
MrMaD_fml 2
well, been there before. here's what you do, give in to her advances to the point where you're ready to hit that, but instead of breakin her off real proper like you would a normal byatch, just make it the worst, most selfish lay possible. I mean, you really gotta make it seem like you got no clue WTF u doin. immediately "fall asleep" after "beatin it up" and while ur sleepin, just let one of the dirtiest, sloppiest farts ride. this kinda has to be planned in advance, so I suggest a taco bell date. she'll of course let you "redeem" yourself, but just repeat until it's over, patience and perseverance is key. also, be careful only to nut down her throat or somewhere uncomfortable/undesired for her. if this fails, many folks sell dirty guns nowadays for dirt cheap, just remember to always use gloves, and set up several alibis. on the bright side tho, you got you a no-stringer...on call. i mean, c'mon man...Lemonade, FTW!
facilitator 0
You only need one good aliby. Several would cause confusion when interviewing witnesses... Don't ask how i know.
Anteezy 7
Kill her, cut her up in pieces and dump her body parts in the sea. After that start a drama show about your secret life as a serial killer
anglicdvil524 0
You should have asked what address she wants you to send a "We send our condolences" card/bouquet to. And also if she can leave you her TV in her will.