Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She was on top, and then stopped, got off, and said, "Let's go get ice cream." I think this was her way of telling me I suck at sex. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as my girlfriend and I were making love, and she started to moan and groan. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "I'm lying, you suck at this." FML
Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said, "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML
Today, in the middle of having sex, my girlfriend stopped moaning. I asked what was wrong. She said, "I'm bored." FML
Today, while going down on my girlfriend, she stopped moaning and told me to stop because she couldn't fake it anymore. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I went out for ice cream. We somehow started talking about which of our relatives had died. Right when she was talking about how her grandfather had died, I started laughing. She had gotten ice cream all over her face. She broke up with me. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML
Today, during sex, my girlfriend got so bored that she asked me to tell her a story. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I finished too quickly and apologized. She said she was used to it by now. FML
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Top comments
rp713 4
If she was on top she was in control, why should it be your fault?
MelTheGreat 23
Or maybe she just has different priorities, or A.D.D... But you probably do suck in this case.
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Comments (92)
Wingman527 22
At least she told you in a roundabout sort of way.
SaturnV 25
Telling him in a roundabout way instead of speaking with him directly about the problem does both partners a great disservice. She may think she's being kind by sparing his feelings, but by remaining silent, both parties are consigned to bad sex (which may manifest itself elsewhere in the relationship) until they sit down like mature adults and resolve their communication problems.
MelTheGreat 23
Or maybe she just has different priorities, or A.D.D... But you probably do suck in this case.
friedpwnadge 25
Apply some ice cream to that burn OP.
Bloink 25
i thought this comment was funny cuz i have ADD plus ice cream is my life, and this is something i could see myself doing, so theres a chance OP!
whattfreshhhelll 2
or maybe she just really wanted some ice cream....
Enslaved 38
So when she doesn't scream, she wants ice cream?
rp713 4
If she was on top she was in control, why should it be your fault?
maylie25 18
^I agree....
Llama_Face89 34
Pinkie dick?
Dracoboxer357 36
Monster ******?
gracehi 33
Well, if he was just lying there like a dead fish that would be pretty bad.
katina1236 20
When the girls on top the guy shouldn't move too much. She knows what she's doing and if he moves too much he throws off her rythm
gracehi 33
If he does it right, his movement can help. But in any case, he shouldn't just be lying there with his eyes closed like he's asleep. That's definitely a no no.
djsammyc 19
welcome to fml: where we discuss proper sexual technique
Soulsbane96_fml 11
Not necessarily a bad thing 35. I'm taking notes. Ladies, feel free to continue and educate us males.
kelsorg 21
she was probably getting tired and didn't want to admit it. I don't think it was necessarily your fault! fyl though
SystemofaBlink41 27
It's not called "**** My Life" for nothing!
birds_fml 7
The man can do plenty when the woman is on top. Rub her clit for one... super easy cause both his hands are free.
njas113 9
#3 - Someone knows their stuff ^_^
oliver144 4
While at least you got ice cream.
eleven22 11
Maybe she wanted to use the ice cream...
Strider207 5
That would be so hot. Pun intended.
BSnapZ 21
#65 I don't think that actually works as a pun...
IKickPuppiesHard 16
Atleast eating icecream is less work and less sweat. However in your case i guess you didnt do much work to begin with huh? :/
annamaria55555 9
Maybe she felt like you weren't enjoying yourself...
jdogg14 7
It's her job when she's on top, it's not your fault
gracehi 33
Sex is a joint effort no matter who is on top. The person on bottom should be doing something to encourage the one on top, whether it's moving their hips in sync with the other person, caressing, kissing, talking dirty, a combination of those things, etc.
GuyNoOneKnows 13
At least she was nice about it..I guess
garebear61 14
When I am on bottom my girl does most of the work, so if your situation is different hopefully you will follow up and explain??? Anyway, maybe she is just not in the mood for it and didn't want to hurt your feelings by telling you she wasn't in the mood for sex!
introductionn 13
She could've just figured out that she wasn't in the mood anymore, rather than saying you're bad at sex .. although it could be because you're bad at sex. who knows, it's a two way street