Today, I got into a fight with my boyfriend. The only thing he could think of to cheer me up was to give me "permission" to give him a blowjob. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me for a blow job. After I said "no" over ten times, he decided to get up and slap me across the face with his penis. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He decided that the best time would be while I was giving him a blowjob. He then seemed confused as to why I didn't finish. FML
Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML
Today, I was feeling frisky and asked my boyfriend if he wanted a blowjob. He said, "Fuck no", then rolled over to go to sleep. FML
Today, my boyfriend got upset that I wouldn't give him head. He was visiting me at the hospital. FML
Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
If he really wanted to make you happy, he'd give you permission to blow a guy with a real-sized dick.
oxemilyxo 5
That sucks. I'm sorry /:
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Comments (154)
oxemilyxo 5
That sucks. I'm sorry /:
LiveLaughFML 10
he may wear the pants in your relationship, but remember, us females buckle the belt! ;D
YouDaIdiot 4
it wouldn't suck if she sucked
Pixxio_O 11
At least he didn't rob your house or sniff you every day...
shannonreneee 11
If all matters could but solved by ******** there'd be no hate in the world. Hehe
Iamnotmyself 17
No make up sex? Your relationship is screwed.
oxemilyxo 5
12- haha I'm pretty sure every girl would love to do that when they are upset
yeseniaaa 2
It doesn't suck, because it cheered you up(:
00Lily00 0
I hate hearing about men like this, what assholes
baddud300 6
Then you also have permission to dump him.
jinki101 0
fml reference
tatababe 1
Dump him find someone who would actually get you ice-cream or tickle you to cheer you up
evry1_luvs_butts 7
What an ass of a bf
juicedboi 7
Depends on the tone when he said it. I know that I **** around like that a lot and to most guys, meaning only me, it's not a big deal. Women over-analyze a lot more than is needed. That being said, I am a dick and I know that. 17- In my world everything is solved like that.
Screwie 25
Bite him, BITE HIM! Auto permission to castrate!
neimato1 0
You dont get the sarcasm and hidden humor? "that sucks"? *******? Lmao
Johnny2by4 0
he was just trying to cheer her up, no need for people to say bite his penis and slap nitroglycerin on his balls
idancewithrev 0
you can then give him permission to **********
thesparkman97 0
Sounds like a logical solution?
YacL 15
116- I recall no one saying anything about nitroglycerin.
hoodasswhitekid 0
39- suck on it.
YourEvilHero 12
ice cream over a *******?... sure!
thingfish 0
bite his penis off. hahahahahahahaha.
Bobthedrunk 2
What's wrong with that?
gmc_blossom 21
Why would he "**********" when he can **********?
konto5 1
How about you, stupid woman, cheer him up?!
konto5 1
@ #106: And that means permission for him to separately rip her 4 lady lips off. Female Genital Cutting for the win!
a_nutritionist 10
@75 not everyone is after a guy who panders to your emotions like a lost puppy. some people want guys who are in a relationship with equal power to both partners. sounds crazy i know, but its actually true. im one of them. @OP you got into a fight with him and hes supposed to cheer you up? ok, if the fight was about how he hooked up with some other girl or something i can understand, but just generally you dont just expect the guy to have to cheer you up after a fight, thats insane.
Drigr 9
especially since 9 times out of 10, the girl caused it. that tenth time it was cause the bf cheated or looked at some other girl wrong or got caught watching ****
maz_irken 6
Logical to me.
MattBC97 4
Well I hope you got right down on your knees...
lopez1222 3
Slave!
ktateprado 0
Shes a disobedient one.
daysgoby902 6
how do you know she didn't do it?
ashleeann360 0
do you really just have one ear gauged
mollyslips 13
I have aswell...
lopez1222 3
It was magnets... I wouldnt get a gauge.
Yung23 0
Lmfao
nadhirah 4
Seems like a BJ is the only way for redemption :O Personally, I'd say not worth it.
genesisnirvana 11
I'd say worth it.BJs make everything better.
kevsnev 7
Bukakke!
AwesomeNinjaGame 0
Worth it! Bj's are nice ;)
a_nutritionist 10
yes 159 we are all impressed because youre a sexually active female. now watch as all the guys pander to you and start sending PM's all ******* night. ...or will that just be me.
barbiieee 10
Whipped.
avi1981 0
What other way to be?
incrapper 7
oh hi :) I think im in love
hannahtaskey 9
Not exactly.
hannahtaskey 9
Not exactly.
takanuva0123 0
Well at least it's permission? Cant help you out on this one :S
greenbox 0
Gotta do what you gotta do, I guess
tnlander 20
Hey sweetheart I know what will cheer you up, lock jaw!
sara_saturday 5
that's funny!
onthetoilet 3
Ba-zinga
Denikk 0
haha what a gentleman
Veedway 0
Well, this is a bit sucky situation.
IndigoAcrylic 9
Ahaha!! xD
cmull 0
That's punny