Today, I was feeling frisky and asked my boyfriend if he wanted a blowjob. He said, "Fuck no", then rolled over to go to sleep. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by waking him up with a blowjob, because he had always told me that it was a sexy fantasy of his. When he finally woke up, he got pissed off, rudely accused me of interrupting his beauty sleep, then soundly lay back down and fell asleep again. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML
Today, I wanted to have sex with my boyfriend, but he kept falling asleep while I was giving him a handjob. Ugh, no sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me for a blow job. After I said "no" over ten times, he decided to get up and slap me across the face with his penis. FML
Today, my boyfriend has been super nice to me all day and I was enjoying the attention. At bedtime, he asked me if I was happy, I said yes, he asked if was I happy enough to try butt stuff. I said no, like I do every time he asks for butt stuff. He turned over and went to sleep. So much for being nice. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky in bed. He mumbled something that sounded like "I love you." I replied "I love you too baby", to which he laughed then said, "I said I wanted you to blow me." FML
Today, I got into a fight with my boyfriend. The only thing he could think of to cheer me up was to give me "permission" to give him a blowjob. FML
Today, I tried to wake my boyfriend up to sex. When I went to touch his penis, he elbowed me in the face, mumbled an apology and began snoring again. FML
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Top comments
Kamon97 23
Maybe he was really tired? :s
EdenCrystal 21
This isn't really relevant but next time he does this you should say "Fine, then can you give me one?" and see his reaction
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Comments (137)
Kamon97 23
Maybe he was really tired? :s
strike2867 13
No man in the history of men is that tired.
fortune789 17
Some men also aren't into ********.
ckcknight 13
Those are not guys.
badluckalex 23
tired or not the girl does all the work anyways. he didnt have to be so rude about it, though. a simple no thank you wouldve been perfectly fine
themaxx333 6
Maybe he's gay?
wolfgold2 20
******* or not, don't **** with a guy when he's trying to sleep.
Chibi_Kitten 24
Maybe they already had intercourse. Some people get really tired after the act..I mean girls are able to keep going but once a guy is done, he is done..or so I have heard.
Vitotaylor36 13
Yeah......... No. Not true at all. I know a ton of girls that can't keep going. Once they finish, it's done. Period.
Foxfire15 15
or, maybe OP sucks at sucking. :D
2i1337i2iscore 13
151 ...Or maybe that's just what they tell you lol
Binda33 4
I've heard that but yet to see it in RL.
TheNewGuy03 29
151 -- that's a good sign. Essentially, you want her to collapse into a writhing pile of post-coital bliss.
iSativa 24
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Wake him up in the morning with a *******. He'll love you forever and buy you nice things forever.
naived009 7
GIVE THIS WOMAN A COOKIE
snivellus_snapes 4
That's rape. You wouldn't tell a guy to wake his girlfriend up by fingering her after she refused him, not all guys want sex all the time. If he doesn't OP should learn to be respectful.
syki 22
@42 *man. :P @53 I'd be totally fine with it if my boyfriend woke me up with oral after I was too tired to have sex the night before. And if I wasn't, I'd just say 'no' and then he'd, you know, respect that.
KingLewisII 34
I agree with 54 my gf normality changes her mind by the morning and if she doesn't she says "babe stop" and rolls over.
91hayek 31
Y'all need to read FMLs about surprise ******** in the morning. Either way, OP can't win if the men of FML women are anything to go by.
Vita_1 30
#45 What, a cookie or a *******?
Chibi_Kitten 24
It might be okay for you, but it is a red flag. My friends warned me when mine attempted to undress me in my sleep. No matter if it is just as a joke or if a person is needy, it isn't right. No means no.
flynryder 7
It's all about the wake up blowie!!!
invalidate 2
suck your mans dick. you get free stuff. sounds like love :)
invalidate 2
.
llamaslikesoda 21
#53 No
hystericsky 11
I don't know why you got down voted 53. This comment was much better to see than the comments I usually see on FMLs.
schwaka 17
When i was married, waking up to sex/******** was awesome.. Like others hsve said he could say no,, but why would he?
Binda33 4
Why reward him for his behaviour? I'd not offer him another BJ after that. Or not until he offered me oral first..
HanBroman 20
I dont umderstand why people are opposed to waking a guy up with a *******. its only trying to pleasure them, so its not selfish. if they dont want it then oh well back to sleep. theres no real harm done is there? my boyfriend wants to be woken up with his dick in my mouth more than anything on the planet. if the day came when he wasnt in the mood im sure he wouldnt feel violated by me trying to make him happy
N00bie666 3
I agree fully. best feeling ever.
J15237 25
That is a very truthful and great statement that you made. I would give anything for that to happen between me and my wife.
krundale 6
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Bite his penis off in the morning.
EverestMelting 23
Woah, what the f*ck?! That's not cool at all?
Dontalktome 9
"Well that escalated quickly..."
RedPillSucks 33
*takes back cookie*
91hayek 31
This is made even more scary by the fact that guys wake up with hard-ons so if it's getting bit, there will be serious damage and bleeding in the morning.
Animekid126 13
Some people can't take a joke
SirMichael 13
#68 I think there would be serious damage either way.
thexguyxnextdoor 10
It's not that we can't take a joke... It's the fact that he had to put that image into our minds...
Gearden 8
#89 Some people can't make a joke.
EdenCrystal 21
This isn't really relevant but next time he does this you should say "Fine, then can you give me one?" and see his reaction
metheonlyb 17
I don't even know what to say. I wish I had a girlfriend who would give me ********.
I_cant_think 10
I wish I had a girlfriend
cassiekinz 14
I wish I had a boyfriend to give ******** to.
wolfgold2 20
I wish I had the lower half of my body.
mistertbawk420 10
I wish I had a job
DogeMan 14
I wish I had a pet turtle
Duh_0811 17
volunteer right here! #124
ThatOneTimeLord 25
I wish I had someone one that admires me in general.
Rebles 15
I wish people would stop only making wishes and instead would work on accomplishing them
Binda33 4
*Gives #170 a pet turtle* (I can grant that wish!)
Tyguy823 14
This is completely irrelevant to what they're talking about
childproofpizza 19
I wanna hippopotamus for Christmas
singer0421 32
What kind of a dude doesn't want a *******? I thought there was like an understood, universal "yes" response. Maybe I've been misinformed...
Moobacca 2
You have been. There's times when guys don't want sex. We're not machines.
stephypop 13
I thought so too... Then again one guy I dated never wanted blow jobs at all
lord_meloetta 20
Your profile says that you are 20 why the hell are you married?!
91hayek 31
because she does what she wants. Even if that seems counter to what society thinks is not empowering to women at that age. Free choice is ultimate power.
greencurtains74 11
only a sexually deprived person would say so. do you not feel satisfied after an ******? then theres something wrong in your biology.
PikaPika021 13
#84, why must there be something wrong with #60's biology? Must be sexually deprived? You sound incredibly judgmental. Sex can be tiring yet amazing so not everyone likes it every night. That doesn't mean #60 doesn't feel satisfied when she has sex. ******** are much simpler and vice vs for guys helping their girl feel good without sex. Just because someone's sex life is different from yours doesn't mean something is wrong with the other person.
DeadCDbooZ 9
@awfulusername Hey I'm all for love and crap, but since you got married at 17 I'm not counting on your marriage to last because you were a kid when you got married. You let it be our business when you let us know about yourself. PS no wonder your Hubby doesn't deny blow jobs he's still young enough to be sex crazy, any little bit he wants.
HanBroman 20
TEENAGERS would always say yes to a ******** because most of them are sex crazed and can't get as much as they want. plenty of regular adults don't want sex every second of the day. (and to the retard who said sex and blow jobs are different things to a lot of people sex just means getting off. There's a reason it's called ORAL sex) However why is this girl asking if he wants one? go down on him by surprise, it's far more likely to work in your favor
greencurtains74 11
111, my comment was towards 7. im aware people dont need it every night. that was my point. im a married woman and dont have sex everynight. we dont need it.
llamaslikesoda 21
#60 Just stop.
Distint 2
I'm guessing you've never been on the receiving end of really bad oral.
Binda33 4
I didn't think there was such thing for a man..?
liketenpandas 6
teeth... nuff said
Farmillionaire 8
At least he didn't tell you that he had a headache.
michael_shaqson 5
lol, you watch too many sitcoms, dude
Syruphs 17
I think that excuse has existed even before sitcoms
Mercyfulsin 7
The joke, I believe, is that the headache lies with the OTHER head. If you catch the drift. Don't take it literally.
TunaFireStarter 16
61, sex helps sometimes, but when your head hurts so bad that it can't handle the movement from sex in the first place, it just makes it 10x worse and basically impossible to reach the big O.
PinkishToe 9
agreed! I get chronic headaches/migraines and my bf always thinks sex will help. I wish!!
accidentalsheep 24
Next time he asks for sex, just say the same thing
juturnaamo 29
Women can say no to sex, men should be punished for it, right?
martin8337 36
Wow.
hulopro 16
guys aren't always up for sex. they can be tired or not driven
garrett_8614 14
Usually when that happens, the appropriate response would be "I'm tired" instead of "**** no"
systemofadylan 9
#51 Maybe he had a bad day? Or he could get cranky when he's tired.