Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend oral, and he got so into it that he grabbed my hair. Just as he was about to climax, he pulled my hair so hard that my extensions came out. I jerked back and hit my head on the wall behind me. He then came in my hair. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML
Today, I was with my boyfriend, and we started to get a little kinky. He laid me down roughly on the bed, but I started to slide off, so I pulled myself up. In doing so, I managed to knee him in the nut-sack, causing him to puke. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, when I lifted myself up a little bit. What I was not prepared for was my boyfriend leaning down to kiss my neck. We collided heads, hard. FML
Today, my boyfriend was playing with my hair, when his hand got caught. He ended up ripping out a handful of hair trying to get it free. FML
Today, I was getting one of the best blow jobs I have ever received. My girlfriend was getting into it when I heard an "uh oh". Her tongue ring got twisted around the hair close to my balls. She started to pull, I started to scream. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. I got a little too enthusiastic during it, and wound up cracking my neck loudly, and had to stop while the pain settled down. FML
Today, while getting it on with my boyfriend, I decided to be spontaneous and do something sexy. I started taking his underwear off with my teeth. My teeth dragged over his shaft, and my braces cut up his foreskin in the process. Now he's not talking to me. FML
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Top comments
Scands_59 14
Double meaning to giving head!
jweezy89 4
Well I wouldn't take it personally, that kinda pain can make the toughest man cry.
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Comments (78)
HappyPanda2016 14
Oh my God. I just died a little.
gmaniac93 7
Keep it CUMMING.
newbiehere99 6
36- You tried too hard. Let it cum naturally.
FurryPride 9
Cum on guys, I don't get it. Explain it better.
sens3sfailing 25
It isn't hard to explain, but I can only give you a tip on how to finish figuring it out on your own. Just keep pushing forward until you get stuck, back track and try pushing forward again and repeat until it finally cums to you.
newbiehere99 6
84- Good explanation! Sometimes you just gotta make it a quickie, if you want it to cum to you that badly.
Bella242 0
Very nice! Thank you for explaining!
m_2_teh_c 6
I'm going to get a good grade in biology. :)
theAZN2look4 5
Did you hear a pop noise?
annie_nk 23
*cringe* ooowwwww.
Pleonasm 36
That's only if her ear-ring got caught in/on it.
annie_nk 23
28 - Sometimes I think "pun" is your native tongue :)
Pleonasm 36
As much as I like the idea of that, this one was not actually a pun, unless you are referring to another comment, in which case I stand corrected.
Inheritance 10
I just grabbed my dick with the known feeling of a popping one.. Thank you for this..
crimsonprodigy 15
What would a pop mean down there? Broken dick lol???
dabeast15 7
U can't break ur dick u idiot!!
Daiyuki 5
I beg to differ 97.
zionjuggernext 3
You can sprain your penis 97 . When bored you find weird stuff on the Internet.
MormonPornstar 7
Yeah, I can pop mine like a knuckle. And you can actually break a boner, despite the fact that it's just blood. -- The sac membranes can burst in the shaft and muscular damage can occur to the extent of it "bending" in half. Also, if an erect penis is bitten and punctured, it literally explodes. Just a fun **** fact for you guys. Thank me later
VoteForTaco 8
110- I can already feel the pain!
alishous 8
Actually you can, idiot, look it up.
iloveryan052710 8
Well at least you tried.
AFCA020 4
Well.. OP should have thought twice before giving him head...
isallwaysme 27
You.. are retarded.
jweezy89 4
Well I wouldn't take it personally, that kinda pain can make the toughest man cry.
SlenderMann 10
Like Saxton Hale.
X_Codes 11
Yes. He's going to be mad at you for a while. Don't take it personally, it's just the natural consequences of your actions. I'm sure that if you can convince him it was an accident, you'll be free to headbutt his penis again.
guci101 14
Ikr? I gently got tapped there today by someone and it hurt like a bitch
Hentai_fml 6
Apologize by having make up sex. Best thing to do. ;)
Cbizzlez 10
Headbutt critical stike!
srgspartan117 8
Super effective!
dwshptw46 7
Does it really hurt that bad?
MartinAlex 1
I do hope you apologized. I also hope you sort it out. Sexual related injuries are never fun. Mostly...
Scands_59 14
Double meaning to giving head!
Thundernutz 15
More like a new meaning to "giving head" lol
unknown_user5566 27
Looks like someone needs to reread 50 Shades of Grey. You're clearly supposed to use a whip or riding crop, OP. That's where you went wrong.
Pleonasm 36
At least this way her BF can still say he got tail.
unknown_user5566 27
14- This is true, it's just too bad there was a kink in OP's plans. She should keep her head up and try again, so her boyfriend isn't left feeling blue.
Pleonasm 36
Damn, I can tell when I've been outdone. At a glans, I can see that your puns are better on this one. I guess I dropped the ball on this one! That's all she sc-rote!
TwiztedYuri 9
* lights 50 Shades of Gray on fire. turns on ***** its ok I got rid of it. * turns on ***** watch and learn how to give head
Sinamoi 18
If you base your relationship advice/thought process off of ****, then you need to get out more.
FlyingPie 17
That sucks.
connerwonner 7
OP put this on FML for a reason
SaintT 15
I think it was supposed to be a pun...
FlyingPie 17
I'm glad someone got it...
perdix 31
I never heard of anyone getting laid off from a ********. This IS a tough economy!
tsent8 15
Not true I get laid off all the time after a blow if you know what I mean. Wink wink nudge nudge.
MissIconic 8
I cringed at the thought of that >< Make him feel better !