Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML
Today, I got into a fight with my boyfriend. The only thing he could think of to cheer me up was to give me "permission" to give him a blowjob. FML
Today, my boyfriend started whispering "blowjobbbb" into my ear while we were watching a movie. When I asked him what he was doing, he denied ever saying it and claimed it must have been a subliminal message in the movie. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were making out when he sweetly whispered in my ear, "It's not gonna suck itself." FML
Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by waking him up with a blowjob, because he had always told me that it was a sexy fantasy of his. When he finally woke up, he got pissed off, rudely accused me of interrupting his beauty sleep, then soundly lay back down and fell asleep again. FML
Today, I was feeling frisky and asked my boyfriend if he wanted a blowjob. He said, "Fuck no", then rolled over to go to sleep. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me for a blow job. After I said "no" over ten times, he decided to get up and slap me across the face with his penis. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky in bed. He mumbled something that sounded like "I love you." I replied "I love you too baby", to which he laughed then said, "I said I wanted you to blow me." FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to initiate sex with me in my sleep. He confessed to thinking that if he did it lightly enough, I'd think I was just dreaming. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
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Top comments
pastel_fml 18
Well, did it?
_kyleG_ 34
I'd say that that sucks, but it sounds like it didn't
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Comments (93)
pastel_fml 18
Well, did it?
cameosurgeon 16
I actually think this is kinda cute and funny. Relationships shouldn't always be so serious. :)
Cookiee04 15
you should do the same to him when he's sleeping, he'll be freaked out
Gillett 23
That's right, whisper "you wanna give me a ******* and deep throat it" in his ear. Make sure he wakes up during it though so he'll be freaked out. A ***** on his forehead or strapped to your leg with his hand on it would really drive it home though
theKevmeister 13
whisper "You want to eat me out! You can wait to stick it in, you're craving a taste first!" in his ear, guarantee it has a better chance of working on him. . . then scream "LICK MY PUSSY" into it and quickly pretend to be asleep.
happypenguins 24
I hope you didn't because men are ignorant and will do it over and over
jbones24 22
You must be the life of the party
Steffi3 40
Well, one never finds out whether it'll work or not if one doesn't try
Aimeejasmine 15
That's some pretty fancy pronoun use for a post about ********
Marcelb 17
Guess it depends on the girl. I would think some girls would just laugh about it and say okay come on then. I've dated girls with enough of a sense of humour to do that.
i_lik_tomaters 21
Wow I think he needs some self help tapes
Eyalsh 32
is that a euphemism for ****?
amileah13 26
That sucks!
Epickitty58 29
The way this FML is worded, it sounds like there was no sucking involved, but possibly a bitch slap or an eye roll.
dc120994 11
It doesn't suck it blows
myselfkk 20
well next time he will take help of inceptionists.beware :)
_kyleG_ 34
I'd say that that sucks, but it sounds like it didn't
thecman25 14
Your a like whoreee right?
Redoxx_fml 22
You want to thumbs up this comment you want to thumbs up this comment.
killer0689 20
I pity on such people.
wakemeupplease 21
Apparently you can't learn from other people experiences
Epickitty58 29
*facepalm*
garrett_8614 14
Sheesh. Well I thought it was funny
Redoxx_fml 22
Lol well half of me expected this response but I'm glad every negative comment got thumbed down too so atleat that was nice
MetalxSoldier 26
Maybe he should have woke you up to head instead. I mean that is the polite thing to do.