Today, my aunt had to smuggle me some regular toothpaste. Why? My mom isn't letting anyone in our house use anything but "Coral Paste." There are actually lumps of coral in it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I caught my mother trying to switch my contraceptive pill for Tic Tacs. I don't know what's worse - how far she will go to have a grandchild, or that she thought I wouldn't notice that my birth control left me with minty fresh breath. FML
Today, I snuck into my aunt's house while she was working to raid her pantry, like I do most days. Excited for a snack cake, I went to the pantry. Apparently she'd found out, because there was a lock on it. FML
Today, my mother refused to talk to me because I wouldn't let her use my deodorant stick. FML
Today, I caught my mom using my toothbrush and washcloth again, despite her having both her own bathroom and supplies. I asked her to please not use mine, to which she called me an ungrateful bitch. My dad agreed. Yet they wonder why I've been desperately saving money to move out. FML
Today, my dentist told me I have a cavity and blamed it on the "subpar" toothpaste I've been using - the same toothpaste he recommended six months ago at my last appointment. FML
Today, my mom called me crazy and told me she wanted to put me in a mental hospital. She did this after repeatedly hitting me with a shoe. Why? Because I forgot to put the cap back on the toothpaste. FML
Today, I saw what my mom handed out for trick-or-treaters last night. Toothbrushes. Yup, we're that house. FML
Today, my girlfriend was visiting, and while in the bathroom, she clogged the toilet. Since there was no plunger in the room, she unclogged it with the only thing she could find: my mother's hairbrush. FML
Today, I stayed over at my grandparents' house. I woke up and had to brush my teeth. My grandma asked if I had found a toothbrush to use. I told her that I used my old purple toothbrush. She told me that was the toothbrush she used to brush her toenails. FML
Today, my mother accused me of "cooking cocaine", after she found a slightly discoloured spoon in my room. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
bubble25_fml 5
don't know if I should trust u, your fml sounds a bit fishy...
Blue87 4
ewww
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (239)
Blue87 4
ewww
LiveLaughFML 10
it's what all the cool mermaids are using! 8D
Jvr91 8
Ahhh barnacles
ThEKID96 4
Anyone want to explain the benefits of coral toothpaste? Or what the **** it is anyway.
SCREAM4meeee 0
sounds like a lumpy situation. Sea what I did there? ..I apologize in advance everyone.
imthatguythatdid 0
All i can say is what the ****
bosca09 4
So you brush with dead fish
AbusedTampon 6
Coral toothpaste! For that Minty Spongebob smell!
yamatelle 19
Considering the fact she might make you pay $27,601 in the future for raising your lazy ass, I would suggest you just use the coral paste and make the bill $5 less everytime she refuses to buy toothpaste. According to my calculations, that's $4,295 you're saving yourself from.
maz_irken 6
I'd be hell to brush your teeth with that stuff if you wore braces. The stuff would get caught in it.
MrSassypants 34
38 if those are all the words you can say, I feel sorry for you. I shouldn't be bragging anyways. These exact words I am saying right now, are the only words I know. :D
Iamnotmyself 17
-62 I feel sorry for you you've never heard of the word boobs :(
ally_85 1
use baking soda and rinse with scope...best combo ever
MrSassypants 34
66 que? :)
rallets 23
is it called Coral-gate?
Glitterhinoceros 14
98- More like Coral-B
rallets 23
lmfao
Jennyboo5797 4
So, probably extra expensive tooth paste with bits of dead endangered sea life. That's the worst idea since that cologne with real bits of panther from the anchorman movie ;D
imthatguythatdid 0
Wats ur problem dude?
sweetheartxoxo88 7
I know right! I didn't even believe there was such a thing until I googled it!
tatababe 1
Coral paste sounds like poison to me
plakjekaas 2
So this is like... O.K. Coral? What, too historical?
steveakafranxy 7
#42 Coral is closer to a sponge than a fish
PutItIn 8
Oral Coral
EvilPotato 15
that can't be legal.
idancewithrev 0
coral-B lmfao :D
samammynanny 0
That's not normal
pu13 5
80% of the time, it works every time
OoLogicalOo 4
No one got the old FML ref.?
bosca09 4
Why did you give me a thumbs down :(
Kennzz 0
That stuff must make your breath smell rank. Gross!
SecretlyEvil9792 22
That is probably the most disgusting thing I've ever heard of. Feel free to tell me I'm wrong.
hegira 18
Paste some sense into her brain.
genesisnirvana 11
Or slap some sense into her brain.which ever works faster
ilovecookies83 0
It makes me wonder what else OP's mom is gonna try to change in the house? Krabby Patties in their burgers? *-)
ktateprado 0
Or piss in her drink.
marix54888 0
just for the record you shouldn't use corral paste too often, it'll kill your enamel.
bubble25_fml 5
don't know if I should trust u, your fml sounds a bit fishy...
unluckiestperson_fml 14
Wow.
genesisnirvana 11
Or the mom sounds obsessive and crazy
snakerake 10
it was a pun, laugh
BB_ava 0
Coral? Fishy? I can't see a pun there.
Squirrelx 5
That's so CORAL!
gchartier90 0
I "sea" what he's saying
extrasnipes 22
im pretty shore everyone did
Amanyyyyyy 29
Don't be a beach.
invaginawethrust 11
Someone's SALTY
razor7070 4
coral.
Hi_I_am_Q 0
Waffles
CuteGinger 2
Pancakes.
sxe_beast 11
buttsex
philitron128 0
Dude please change your pic, the guys mustache is horrid :D
holagranola 15
and where did she buy this stuff ?
americanhoney4 6
I was wondering the same thing!! lol
MightyWalrus 0
Bikini bottom.
GoingLesbian 0
Usually a health food store. Floride is toxic!
ChibiChibi_fml 28
Coral Paste contains 1.23% fluoride so it wouldn't be at all helpful to someone who didn't want to use fluoride.
nativepimp 1
sounds like it would work well actually lol
xXxXxMasonxXxXx 7
I found it online cause I was all curious about it, u can only get it online tho
TheNeonDuckie 0
and you know this how??!
theeNSP 0
Haha you made my day
cgall123 0
Your mom is just looking out for the family
eog314 0
yeah because toothpaste is SO dangerous
okiidokii_fml 6
77- it's not dangerous. Coral toothpaste is really good for ur teeth
farhil 14
Learn sarcasm, genius.
eog314 0
129 - I never said coral toothpaste was dangerous, I said regular toothpaste is NOT dangerous. Follow me?
TheNewGuy03 29
Barnacles or bust!
SxE_Danielle_TD 5
That stuff is really good for your teeth. Stop complaining.
ktl743 0
How is it good for your teeth?
NHLbound22 8
the coral is a natural replacement for the tiny bits of ceramic and iron in normal toothpast
ktl743 0
Ok, I did not know that
NHLbound22 8
no worries, I didn't want to be rude
NHLbound22 8
also alot of toothpastes have seaweed anthem as well
nadhirah 4
63-you are so sweet and polite :) that's really refreshing :)
NHLbound22 8
thank you :)
1911_Angel 0
Harsh abrasives are not good for the tooth enamel. Also toothpaste should contain fluoride. Using a soft toothbrush and brushing after meals and at bedtime, along with flossing daily is the best way to prevent tooth decay.
NHLbound22 8
while that Is true, natural abrasives ar still healthier than acidic drinks such as orange juice or soda as natural abrasives break down much easier than artificial ones
xxxkittykatxxx 0
It depends. I googled it out of curiousity--you can buy fine coral toothpaste or you can buy coarse coral toothpaste. It even comes in bubblegum flavor
ChibiChibi_fml 28
Coral Paste contains Fluoride so they are covered there. My best guess is that the OP needs to convince her mom to get the fine and not coarse because other than that I really don't see the issue with using Coral paste.
buff7 1
125- Nobody wants to hear a dentist preach on fml... Seriously, don't you have something better to do than that?
TheNewGuy03 29
So, 164, dipshits are allowed to run off at the mouth every which way about things that they have no clue about, and the knowledgeable people have to shut the **** up? My, the world is changing...
SxE_Danielle_TD 5
I get thumbed down for being correct? Morons are running wild on here.
socialdisease 1
And where exactly she got the coral paste from is the question.
andonceagain 11
Quite... and do people realise how long it takes coral to grow? Not exactly a replenishable resource. Why not go old school and just use coal dust?
morganrules123 10
Coral is a specific type of underwater plant. The toothpaste his mother is getting has small pieces of this plant so, his aunt is secretly giving him regular toothpaste.