Today, I had to use a dictionary before I realized I was being flirted with. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, while on a vacation, I tried to step out of myself and flirt with this boy who I thought was cute. He was going along with it and nodding so I thought it was working. Then he opened his mouth and I realized he didn't speak English. FML
Today, at work I got a message from some dude trying to flirt with me. While I was cracking up and making fun of him with my friends, I get a message from him saying look directly behind you, and there he was staring at me. FML
Today, I flirted with a guy for ten minutes before realizing I was sitting between him and his girlfriend. FML
Today, I got all excited because I thought my crush was flirting with me, when in actuality she was taking advantage of me liking her so she and her friends could make fun of my speech impediment. FML
The void
Today, I was trying to flirt with someone in a small bar. I thought they'd smiled at me, so I smiled back. Turns out, they were smiling at their phone screen. I just awkwardly sat there, smiling into the void. FML
Stumped
Today, a four-year-old said a word that I didn't know the meaning of. I had to look up the definition. FML
Online predators exist in many forms
Today, some girl hit me up and was flirting with me over text. It turns out she was doing it for money and it’s been so long that I almost fell for it. FML
What word was it?
Today, a tourist from an English-as-second-language country taught me a new word. In English. FML
Nice try
Today, I texted a somewhat overweight girl I wanted to hook up with and asked her "Have you been dating anyone lately?" Unfortunately with predictive text, "dating" came out as "eating". I didn't realize it till after it sent. FML
Today, I tried to flirt with some firefighters. They were too focused on the fire to notice my hints. FML
Top comments
HowieDoIt 21
She said coitus didn't she?
Cbizzlez 10
You must be auxin, because your causing me to have rapid stem elongation.
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Comments (98)
XDsmileyDX_fml 24
That's depressing. Did you pass up a good opportunity?
mrperspire 4
Some people flirt differently. Some are really friendly, really mean, or are just shy.... Or maybe OP was just oblivious to what was going on.
hannaaaahr 33
I hope OP didn't have to use the Urban Dictionary..
HowieDoIt 21
She said coitus didn't she?
camsterjoe 12
Or fellatio
stevenJB 25
Fellate, phallus, uterus, coitus, depths down under >.>
Sinamoi 18
Another troubling case of coitus interruptus...
klutz44 28
When I flirt I usually try to work the word uterus into the conversation. Gets them every time.
chrisbreastr0kr 11
Stewie- they will make you call fellatio a trowser-friendly kiss
Cbizzlez 10
You must be auxin, because your causing me to have rapid stem elongation.
HowieDoIt 21
Do you work on computers? Cause you just turned my floppy disk into a hard drive
gc327072 31
Hmm I've noticed your port is empty, would you like me to plug it?
dancinwookie 21
#3- As a tree doctor, you had me at auxin. I love it when my fiance talks nerdy to me.
TheVergeOfSiik 7
hey, your sine must be pi/2 because your the 1
anythingmustbe 18
If I was an enzyme, I’d be helicase so I could unzip your genes.
Somefruits 24
@ 99 It's DNA helicase!
MeLikeBigBoom 8
Hmmm... L's, L's.... Ah, here it is... "LOVE: 1 a (1) : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties (2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers." Oh why thank you!
hunny797 5
Or *********** ????
perdix 31
Watch out if it's the Urban Dictionary. If you are having to look up blumpkin, Alabama Hot Pocket or felching, you may want to let this one go. PS: If you don't know what these mean, DON'T look them up. Those of us who have wish we hadn't.
BntyHntrSeattle 30
Now you've planted the, "I know I'll vomit if I look this up but I just have to," seed. Not cool, Perdix, not cool.
ICastillo 25
Or if he says he wants to give you the rusty hook, or dirty Sanchez just walk away.
beej821410 6
I knew the others, but the hot pocket was new. I tried not to look it up, but the temptation was too much! Not cool #7, I'll never be able to eat a hot pocket again
lulubelles 33
A Cincinnati bow tie was the most disgusting thing I ever found on there!
perdix 31
#13, #22, I'm trying to help you learn the discipline of purposeful ignorance. Yes, curiosity got the better of me with those terms and the Blue Waffle (oops!), and I've become a lesser person because of it. I'm hoping you will learn from my mistakes. I've happily avoided looking up Special Fried Rice for a few years, so there is hope that you can do this, too.
little_one 20
What is people fascination with "shitty" sex?
perdix 31
#22, Jim Gaffigan ruined Hot Pockets for me. Look up his "Beyond the Pale" show where he has an entire lecture about them.
lilhellian 27
Why must I keep reading your comments after "Urban dictionary".. >.< If you want something to look up.. Then look up "tub girl"...
Hammer940 7
Watch out for the " hot Carl"
beej821410 6
I think I'll pass #31. I've already found the blue waffle, it still gives me nightmares. My 12yr old nephew, showed it to his mom. She was not enthused.
CheeseTron 15
Lets not forget about the strawberry shortcake, mississippi jack-hammer, and alaskan pipeline.
perdix 31
#41, I know the first and the third and I only WISH I could forget. I'm ignorant of the second one and plan to stay that way.
ICastillo 25
Yeah he might give you the Mississippi meat hook, or the Alaskan Fire Dragon. Both sound very unpleasant.
AninOnin 24
"Russian candycane" anyone?
asnakelovinbabe 16
Angry Dragons aren't really that gross, but it was still great that in high school, one of our sports teams named themselves the Angry Dragons, and none of the faculty seemed to get it. Or they just didn't care.
AlkaliSam 6
Oh, Christ. Why, Perdix, why? You just HAD to mention the Alabama Hot Pocket. I thought I had successfully repressed the memory of reading that one on Urban Dictionary.
Cbizzlez 10
Dirty homeless man, it's not even close to what it sounds like
ProjectN69 12
Rust trombone, and Pink Sock
doritowhore 9
My question is, who the hell decides to try these things?
SnoochBoochie 14
I heard Russia is into space docking this week. America should be in that craze in April if I am not mistaken.
SighGuy89 5
Not much of a Cunning Linguist, are you?
HarmDis 3
CunninLynguists is an awesome group.
mvc3ftw 17
No,but i bet he is a master debator ( badum-tss )
perdix 31
If he asks you for Fellatio, you don't need to get all dressed up for a night at the opera. The lipstick and high heels are all you need. Happy Valentine's Day!
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
I'm curious why one would need high heels for that... The guy must be a real ******** if that's the case.
unknown_user5566 27
51- High heels aren't a "must have", but they are sexy. Why not throw on a pair for his viewing pleasure before getting down to business?
perdix 31
#57, I don't know why either. In the "training videos," considering where the girl ends up, the high heels seem rather pointless, but they are oddly sexy in a way, too.
BrotherTheo 31
You where being flirted with. Enjoy it, Grats :).
LovesSushi 25
Be careful if he tells you he wants to give you a pearl necklace...