Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a long blowjob and had to pause for a minute because my mouth became exceedingly dry. His solution? Spit directly in my mouth. FML
Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML
Today, my boyfriend wouldn’t stop smacking and slurping his food. I told him to at least chew with his mouth closed. He looked me dead in the eye, with a mouth full of chewed up pizza, and said, “No.” FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML
Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. I started to moan right when I was about to climax. He got worried, stopped and asked, "Are you okay?!" FML
Today, having regularly given my husband blowjobs, I suggested, mid-session, that he could maybe reciprocate. He complained that I was wet, begrudgingly licked for about a minute and then gave up. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML
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Top comments
justlikeme79 9
Yow. I'm a girl, but that makes ME hurt.
ThatLooksSticky 16
Considering how small tootsie rolls are, that might not be something to brag about.
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Comments (183)
GravityX 6
Haha, #55 you just made my day XD
Evan2297 0
Nothing wrong with being blonde #69. Kindly and quietly go **** yourself, you ignorent twat.
i8cake 12
Try to say Honolulu instead of Kamchatka while you have his junk in your mouth!
snapeaholic 5
... Kamchatka?
purple91 8
Om nom nom.
Notime4bull 4
******** are supposed to be a guy's gifts from heaven... Not a nightmarish event where our junk is in a cheese grater. If you don't know how to do it then please just remember this: No. Teeth. Ever.
farhil 14
True ignorance is when you can't spell ignorant...
Zeronos 0
Did you work the shaft and craddle the balls?
BD_Swingin 0
Like lacrosse?
Marcella1016 32
Pretty sure #1 meant tootsie roll pop. Makes a bit more sense. By the way, thanks, now the song is in my head lol
loserman67 36
Tell him that you're sorry, but you really "relish" the taste of his ****................. See what I did there...
TheNewGuy03 29
Nah, bro, totally missed that one. :p |the kid|
vbabeangel186 9
Don't you mean "tootsie pop?" That's what has the special center for you to bite, duh.