Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a long blowjob and had to pause for a minute because my mouth became exceedingly dry. His solution? Spit directly in my mouth. FML
Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML
Today, my boyfriend wouldn’t stop smacking and slurping his food. I told him to at least chew with his mouth closed. He looked me dead in the eye, with a mouth full of chewed up pizza, and said, “No.” FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML
Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. I started to moan right when I was about to climax. He got worried, stopped and asked, "Are you okay?!" FML
Today, having regularly given my husband blowjobs, I suggested, mid-session, that he could maybe reciprocate. He complained that I was wet, begrudgingly licked for about a minute and then gave up. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML
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Top comments
justlikeme79 9
Yow. I'm a girl, but that makes ME hurt.
ThatLooksSticky 16
Considering how small tootsie rolls are, that might not be something to brag about.
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Comments (183)
twood03 2
21) stop lyin
MandyMeow_fml 18
A tootsie roll is just all chocolate.. So when she gets close your "special place" she just bites it?
SxeDaze 13
Reminds me of an old FML. When a Women was recieving head she replied " chill out dude it's not a taco eating contest.!!"
teague95 16
19 said the same thing an hour before you
FYLDeep 26
You can't follow the same schema for every wiener you encounter.
MandyMeow_fml 18
Are we still talking about chocolate? Or are you talking about your tootsie roll like penis?
flychick5566 0
damn girl u need to learn how to not use teeth when doing that
alki_fml 5
if teeth felt good, they would grow in your ******.
kaykay20 0
Well not true for those born with teeth there. It happens very rarely though. Reminds me of the fact people can also be born with their ****** on different parts of the body. Some weird facts to ponder for a minute or two.
alki_fml 5
Actually no. What you are talking about is called ****** dentata which is Latin for toothed ******. Various cultures have folk tales about women with toothed vaginas, frequently told as cautionary tales warning of the dangers of sex with strange women and to discourage the act of rape. It appears in folklore, jokes and some movies. There was a case where a woman had a dermoid cyst. Dermoid cysts are derived from the outer layers of embryonic skin, and they are capable of growing hair and teeth and bones, anything that comes from the outer layers of the embryo. They can occur anywhere. The power of google compels you!
diablo83 4
****** dentata!!
jobsman99 0
Practice practice practice. And you got feedback. I assume you did not stop. My gal when she started giving me a ******** was not that good. Twenty years later, now my wife, she sucks me off at least once every day and she just gets better!! Keep practicing.
skinflint 6
65: you get a bj once a day? I was feeling real good about my wife's weekend slurpathon but now FML!
stevenmx86 8
I don't know how you don't press Ydi for these... Ydi for chomping it like it's a hot dog...
05559 1
56 - It's ok sweetie, it's not your fault that you're blonde.