Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a long blowjob and had to pause for a minute because my mouth became exceedingly dry. His solution? Spit directly in my mouth. FML
Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML
Today, my boyfriend wouldn’t stop smacking and slurping his food. I told him to at least chew with his mouth closed. He looked me dead in the eye, with a mouth full of chewed up pizza, and said, “No.” FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML
Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. I started to moan right when I was about to climax. He got worried, stopped and asked, "Are you okay?!" FML
Today, having regularly given my husband blowjobs, I suggested, mid-session, that he could maybe reciprocate. He complained that I was wet, begrudgingly licked for about a minute and then gave up. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML
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Top comments
justlikeme79 9
Yow. I'm a girl, but that makes ME hurt.
ThatLooksSticky 16
Considering how small tootsie rolls are, that might not be something to brag about.
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Comments (183)
vbabeangel186 9
Sorry, previous comment meant for # 1.
laxbro182 1
Hey you guys sex gives you kids, while blow jobs give the girl jewelry and presents
Yodaevil 4
What's all this chocolate talk? Nothing brown should be cummin out that body part! Unless you're talking about the ever delicious vanilla tootsie rolls..... Mmmmm
styphon 5
That is so horrible for your poor boyfriend.
KnucklesDeep 5
Why would you think it was fine to bite his penis? How retarded are you? Do you actually eat paint or just stick to licking windows?
lostfaithinpppl 19
Absolutely this ^^^ Learn to do it better, OP.
THE_A_TEEN 28
So doing what the op did automatically makes you retarted? Nice logic you got there...
benmec 18
So do you like your hotdogs with mustard or MAYONNAISE??? ;)
5t3ff1k4h 45
Ahaha. That was so funny! Like, OMG. *facepalm*
rednecktrucker 9
you need to learn to give better head.
amisenho 11
What do you expect her to do, go practice on other guys?
RedPillSucks 33
Hopefully your girlfriend is not the wise old owl
buddyguyfriend 1
Ladies u really need to be better at blow J's. The better the J the better ur boyfriend is. Physics.
RetardedDude 1
Truest statement ever
cheerluv15 0
Sounds like u haven't got a bj in a while or ever
hateevryone 15
don't use your teeth.