Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice, "Oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said, "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML
Today, while having sex, my fiancé started talking dirty. I enjoyed it, until he had a brain fart and said, "God, you love fucking my pussy." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said, "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML
Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend. He's the kind of guy that likes to keep things interesting. Just as he started climaxing, he began to meow. FML
Today, while me and my boyfriend were having sex, he moaned out his own name. FML
Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML
Today, I was having amazing sex with this guy I had been seeing for a while. It got really intense, so did my moans. Guys usually like when I moan, but he just put his hands over my mouth and told me to "shut up" because it sounded like "pig noises". FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML
Today, after finally getting up the confidence, I started talking really dirty to my boyfriend on the phone. I was getting really onto it, and he seemed to enjoy it too. Then I stopped for a second to gauge his reaction. He was snoring. FML
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Top comments
andits 21
Once he finished you should've said "I give this establishment two maybe three stars" lol
NostalgiaFreak9 43
Believe me, based on what I've read on this app, people have said much worse.
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Comments (66)
NostalgiaFreak9 43
Believe me, based on what I've read on this app, people have said much worse.
why57why 21
Such things as "prepare your buns the meat is ready"
NostalgiaFreak9 43
I was actually thinking of this one where somebody said that her boyfriend, who was obsessed with Breaking Bad, said "I am the one who cocks".
BamaBorn 10
"I'm going to dick you down good."
andits 21
Once he finished you should've said "I give this establishment two maybe three stars" lol
DarkIncarnate 6
Greatest comeback I have ever heard hands down.
FSGInsainity 15
Is he calling himself a wimp?
bittersymphony 17
Did you compare his dick to a disappointing hotdog you ate at a family party after?
SecundusSecunda 27
"What a disappointing hotdog, and no ketchup, too!? Shameful display."
SnowxSakura 17
I hope she relished the chance to ketchup with her family.
VonBlitzkrieg 27
Have you tried telling him you don't like that? He's just going to keep doing stuff like that.
momo3p 22
Ech
Tarlachia 33
The way he says it, it sounds like he's the one with the pussy... O_o
dannnngthatsux 19
Um, at that moment...
Nomaddict 14
honestly poetic.
oobergoober89 16
I guarantee thats not what the pussy ordered at all
Goblin182 27
How did you not laugh?