Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a long blowjob and had to pause for a minute because my mouth became exceedingly dry. His solution? Spit directly in my mouth. FML
Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML
Today, my boyfriend wouldn’t stop smacking and slurping his food. I told him to at least chew with his mouth closed. He looked me dead in the eye, with a mouth full of chewed up pizza, and said, “No.” FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML
Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. I started to moan right when I was about to climax. He got worried, stopped and asked, "Are you okay?!" FML
Today, having regularly given my husband blowjobs, I suggested, mid-session, that he could maybe reciprocate. He complained that I was wet, begrudgingly licked for about a minute and then gave up. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML
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Top comments
justlikeme79 9
Yow. I'm a girl, but that makes ME hurt.
ThatLooksSticky 16
Considering how small tootsie rolls are, that might not be something to brag about.
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Comments (183)
tonguepunchx3 5
You're not suppose to eat it!
Northsidebill317 3
Ladies, I have a question for you. In what universe is teeth EVER acceptable when youre going down? If I did that to you and used teeth, you'd most likely kick me in the head. And I would deserve it. No teeth!
SynthMyst 2
It stems from a small group of guys who openly express their enjoyment in females using their teeth like that. Word gets around, and females assume all guys are alike.
cheerluv15 0
Well my boyfriend likes it when I do that
SynthMyst 2
Well that's fine. The issue is when a girl is with a guy who enjoys it, so she assumes all guys enjoy it and doesn't feel the need to confirm this before attempting it.
cheerluv15 0
Then should we ask before lol
peacelovepink26 0
Ew dont post disturbing FMLs on here. No one wants to read this...
por2gezstud 0
Obviously you did.
Yoshi_Fue 9
You're a ******* moron. That's the point of the "Intimacy" section.
kAIvin31 0
That's a compliment, if you really like hot dogs
dansco 25
You put the whole hotdog in your mouth and chomp?! Chomp and ******* are not words that go together, ow :(
nicoolbeans 0
Someone's been watching scary movie :')
Fylminesawsome 5
Ooh I like that
omgeezlouise 0
You should've told him not to wiggle his wiener and he wouldn't get bitten;)
Duhlayne_fml 0
How stupid.