Today, my boyfriend wouldn’t stop smacking and slurping his food. I told him to at least chew with his mouth closed. He looked me dead in the eye, with a mouth full of chewed up pizza, and said, “No.” FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I leaned in to kiss my boyfriend goodnight at the door. He smiled sweetly, cupped my cheek… and then used his other hand to pull the last slice of pizza out of my hand and slam the door shut. FML
Today, I was eating pizza with my boyfriend and my friends. I was laughing and talking and went for another piece when my boyfriend grabbed my wrist and said that I had had enough. My friends all backed him up. FML
Today, I was eating lunch with my boyfriend when I started choking. My boyfriend took it as an opportunity to sneak food off my plate. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend to stop criticizing my son for his table manners. He said, "It's man things, you wouldn't understand." He acted surprised when I blew my top and told him to leave. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't share food after I tried taking a chip from him. I made popcorn that night, and when he tried to take some, I said, "I'm sorry, I don't share food" to get him back. His response? "I can tell." FML
Today, my boyfriend's 12 year-old son was making such loud and disgusting sounds while eating ramen noodles that it took every ounce of my self-control not to punch him. FML
Today, I saw my 32-year-old boyfriend of 4 years pick his nose and eat it. The booger in question was attached to his nose and he sucked it out spaghetti-style. He then tried to kiss me. I still feel my stomach churning. FML
Today, my boyfriend picked a scab off of my back and ate it without a moment of hesitation. When I questioned him on it, he nonchalantly replied that he’s been doing it his whole life. FML
Today, I had to stop my 26 year old fiancé from picking his nose and eating it like a little boy. Three times. FML
Today, my boyfriend yelled at me from the other room for washing the dishes "too loudly". FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
I hope you mean EX-boyfriend. If he doesn't respect you in the courtship phase, it'll only get worse if you get married. You have no future with this creep.
BurnInDemonFire 39
You can do better than this pig. Dump him. and go find someone else.
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Comments (14)
Deadinsidelivelyoutside 9
Well, fingers crossed he gives you more respect in other areas of your relationship
RichardPencil 32
I hope you mean EX-boyfriend. If he doesn't respect you in the courtship phase, it'll only get worse if you get married. You have no future with this creep.
BurnInDemonFire 39
You can do better than this pig. Dump him. and go find someone else.
DogStew 20
You picked a real winner.
ChromaScarlet 12
You know how people have these little habits that getcha down Like, Bernie, Bernie he liked to chew gum No, not chew, pop! So I came home this one day and I'm really irritated And I'm looking for a little sympathy And there's Bernie, lying on the couch, drinking a beer and chewing No, not chewing, popping! So I said to him, I said you pop that gum one more time, and he did So I took the shotgun off the wall and I fired two warnings shots Into his head
BurnInDemonFire 39
What the **** are you injecting?
ChromaScarlet 12
Those are lyrics from the Cell Block Tango, that came to mind when she had an issue with the chewing sound
Leviathene 34
Its "Cell Block Tango" from Chicago, the musical. Its heaps better with context.
WeirdUS 30
Context is key, you can't just throw out lines with out it and have it make sense. It has to be framed properly.
WeirdUS 30
He sounds increadibly immature. That attitude also tends to lead into other things. Good luck going anywhere with him. Dump the loser. Not having basic manners is gross and it doesn't make someone funny just gross. Hope you follow up.
jbuckets_404 39
OP, better read up now on how to do the Heimlich maneuver. I suspect that he'll need saving more often than not....
kujiens101 24
I guess he dies then, huh?
AmbrosiaFan 19
If he can't eat food properly he doesn't deserve the title boyfriend.
Taurus_ChicKa 37
Congratulations. You're dating a man child.