Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a long blowjob and had to pause for a minute because my mouth became exceedingly dry. His solution? Spit directly in my mouth. FML
Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML
Today, my boyfriend wouldn’t stop smacking and slurping his food. I told him to at least chew with his mouth closed. He looked me dead in the eye, with a mouth full of chewed up pizza, and said, “No.” FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML
Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. I started to moan right when I was about to climax. He got worried, stopped and asked, "Are you okay?!" FML
Today, having regularly given my husband blowjobs, I suggested, mid-session, that he could maybe reciprocate. He complained that I was wet, begrudgingly licked for about a minute and then gave up. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML
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Top comments
justlikeme79 9
Yow. I'm a girl, but that makes ME hurt.
ThatLooksSticky 16
Considering how small tootsie rolls are, that might not be something to brag about.
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Comments (183)
Marieflowers 0
its all about licking
Lqum26 0
That's what she said
Yodaevil 4
Next on her list, crushing his walnuts while chomping the hot dog...
OhLohd111 11
It's all about being messy and deep throating... Duh.
Jonkbaby 23
hope you didn't taste relish and mustard
Madmandy69 1
Sounds like the similar fml where the gf is getting oral from the bf and says "its not a taco competiition"
palahniukpaul 6
Well did you stop? That hurts a lot!!
russianraccoon 0
You. Look like a rapist.
beatlesgirl2u2 15
That's so mean but it made me laugh out loud!!!
xXxIracebethxXx 14
At least he didn't get into a fetal position this time. :)
Nessco 36
At least you're getting feedback. How about asking him how HE likes it? Then you'll be doing a good job.
unidentifieduser 23
I'm going to a take a stab and say this was your first ********. Am I correct?
ThatLooksSticky 16
Considering how small tootsie rolls are, that might not be something to brag about.
MyNameis_Kevin 3
Some girls just seem to be naturally better at ********. I think it's genetics. That bites that your not gifted op
brock329 3
So your saying sucking dick just runs in the family tree. Nice.
amisenho 11
Actually, it comes (no pun intended) with practice. The ones who usually don't get any better at them are the ones who probably got subjective (or just simply not helpful) feedback on their techniques, leaving them in a Catch-22. It's like being a barista or cook; you have to hone your skills in an environment that doesn't leave you without helpful, style-building feedback or tips other than, "Get better at it, then we'll talk."
twood03 2
21) you ugly as hell. I know you never gotten a bj before, quit lyin