Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a long blowjob and had to pause for a minute because my mouth became exceedingly dry. His solution? Spit directly in my mouth. FML
Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML
Today, my boyfriend wouldn’t stop smacking and slurping his food. I told him to at least chew with his mouth closed. He looked me dead in the eye, with a mouth full of chewed up pizza, and said, “No.” FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML
Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. I started to moan right when I was about to climax. He got worried, stopped and asked, "Are you okay?!" FML
Today, having regularly given my husband blowjobs, I suggested, mid-session, that he could maybe reciprocate. He complained that I was wet, begrudgingly licked for about a minute and then gave up. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML
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Top comments
justlikeme79 9
Yow. I'm a girl, but that makes ME hurt.
ThatLooksSticky 16
Considering how small tootsie rolls are, that might not be something to brag about.
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Comments (183)
JayJavaMonsterr 10
Look, I'm guessing this was OP's first bj & to all guys, SHUT UP! It's not like us girls are trained to give u a bj, be thankful ur getting any at all. Be nicer & work with whoever ur with to make things better & more enjoyable for the both of u instead of just complaining. It's not like every guy knows how to do everything just right for girls! Be thankful ur getting anything at all & that ur chick doesnt bite it off. As for OP, I guess ull figure out what u should do. Less teeth, sweetie...
FkAZsideways 3
My girlfriend did the same thing to me, it doesn't feel good.
cassiecakes229 2
Gotta watch the teeth!!
Lucky7Samson 10
Lol at all the butthurt girls who thought they knew how to suck dick. "Girls aren't born knowing how." Guys aren't born knowing how to eat pussy but you goofy bitches are merciless with that shit. Most women are so afraid to communicate they just fake orgasms. Now who's a dick?
LolCandy 27
Sometimes the mouth is just too narrow, and things are just too big. It takes practice to make sure things line up properly... although your boyfriend sounds like an ass, so in his case I wouldn't bother. If he is so harsh in his comments, either tell him you would like constructive criticism rather than insults, or find a better boyfriend. He should appreciate the attempt, pornstar moves only come with practice.
Federgirl 19
I'm so glad I never had a guy complain about my bjs.
iKenyaa 5
I laughed a bit too much... Sorry