Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML
Today, was the first time giving head to my boyfriend. He couldn't finish, so I tried a handjob. In the end he kind of pushed my hand away so he could finish himself off. FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML
Today, my boyfriend was pleasuring me with his hands. After two years of being together, he was finally about to make me orgasm for the first time by himself. Just as I was reaching my peak, he orgasmed at the thought of finishing me off and stopped. FML
Today, I was on a movie date with my boyfriend, when he asked for a handjob. I thought I was doing well until he sighed, took my hand off, and said he could finish on his own. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Two minutes in, he goes, "Wow, this is strenuous" and stopped. I waited three years for this. FML
Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, I had my first orgasm. He thought something was wrong, so he stopped. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate. It was his first time, which I guess explains him sticking his hand down my panties and practically bitch-slapping my vagina for the next 20 or 30 seconds. I stupidly faked an orgasm just to get him to stop. Now he thinks he's some kind of sex god. FML
Today, as I was about to orgasm while my boyfriend was giving me oral sex, I tightened my grip on his hair and began shouting his name. He stopped, looked up at me, and said, "What?" FML
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Top comments
alex1432 9
Well try using more than just your hands??
lilbeast0327 3
wow u must really suck
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Comments (343)
technicolourain1 0
hahahahahaahahahaaha
futtbuck101 1
He can do it himself. He doesn't need help
volley4eva1698 0
he's got 2 hands..he shouldn't complain, he can do it himself
logcabin69 0
if he ever eats you out, or fingers you, just lay there then say..... OMG just stop already!! :D
shannonreneee 11
Dear God, you'd wanna hope that you give killer blow jobs
i_love_grrr 0
i agree. he should be glad she tried
maloriewatson 3
u all can't take a laugh.. :/
DudeImBetter 0
He's really old or you're just plain horrible at turning guys on, probably both.
YacL 15
ED? I doubt it, that's not what it sounds like anyway. OP worded it to make it sound more like she was bad at it.
sweetcheeksjvl 0
he was hoping for a *******?
Daerauko 0
lol give the girl a break. it's her first time jerkin it. hand jobs kinda suck anyway. lol a dude can jerk it himself; why does he need his chick to do that? she has many other better things she can do. OP stick to various forms of sex. your boyfriend will thank you.
Xx_Dakota_xX 1
I agree with whoever said blow jobs. Or she could of hand job it like her life depended on it ;)...in call of duty terms some 'rapid fire' wouldved been nice to him lol
DynamicDave 11
Anybody who bitches about how lame handjobs are has never had a really good one!
FreckledGirl101 6
Haha, it really isn't hard. "It's like getting ketchup out of a bottle..."
iluvhobos 5
#126-did you draw your picture? because it sucks balls.
Xx_Dakota_xX 1
This a lil late but another call of duty term would be u using slight of hands with some steady aim ;)
spencerchu 0
126 dnt mind 223 shes just a troll if u didnt draw it its still cool but if u did draw it then i wosh i could draw like u :)
KkoolAid 0
ha I bet u couldn't even draw that
kateinurarms 13
or how about he respects her and doesn't make her do sexual stuff before marriage -_- this world has gone to hell.
caaklove 0
exactly what I was going to say.
YacL 15
I remember her, she commented on my picture before. She said it scared the shit out of her. I really don't care about what she has to say, but no, I didn't draw it.
KaintukeeBob 13
OP, please understand: the penis is very similar to your ****** in at least one way: it's very hard to truly pleasure it unless you know what you're doing. The penis is best stimulated by a warm, engulfing, tight environment which provides limited friction. The ****** is the best example. Anal and oral sex both closely simulate this (unless it's a really bad ********). A hand job is different. You can't simply sit there and move your hand - there's not enough surface contact and too much friction. You can't stimulate the whole thing at once, and if you're squeezing tightly enough to stimulate the right spots, you're likely squeezing too hard. Ask your boyfriend to show you how he does it. Use lube. Ask him what feels best. Talk to him while you stroke him. In short, communicate! If it's worth doing, it's worth doing well - remember this and change your technique to match his reactions. Don't just grab hold and pull, but don't treat it like it's about to fall off, either. Start gently, almost tenderly, and get both firmer and faster as you go. Use lube. Lots of lube. Nothing feels worse than an indian burn on your ****.
mcxhunni 0
#280 wtf? O.o
Xx_Dakota_xX 1
very discripted lol
Flocka_23 14
She must be horrible at that
ChaCerCam 14
you've submitted 12 FML's that's a shit ton.
lilbeast0327 3
wow u must really suck
iluvhobos 5
no, because if she had sucked she would have actually got him off!
xxlauruh 0
ew
rogerover 19
your boyfriend is bummin big time if that's how you feel about ********. So sad
gofferurself 10
OP is talking about a hand job, not a bj. There is a difference
Mindtrap 0
right? I mean it doesn't take a lot to get a guy going...
xxlauruh 0
no I just pictured 22 giving one.. unfortunately.
JacksonCampbell 9
116 I just pictured you not giving one.
xxlauruh 0
mmmmm
AlwaySunny 0
I'd tap 22... in a good way
DoubleEdgedBlade 4
116, I don't know about you, but 22 is quite attractive.
eyepuppy 31
damn, I hate kids.
thatonename 7
I hate to bring this up but her info says she's sixteen. let's not picture the kiddies giving blow jobs, okay?
shaaayyee 0
195. Um, what? There are 14 year olds that have gotten pregnant. Where have you been?
thatonename 7
198. just because it happens makes it alright? ya know, I think I'll go out and kill a few hookers tonight. it happens, so there's nothing wrong with it right? my god you are an ignorant little piece of s***. just please stop talking.
thegreat1_one 0
lol. Shes 15 tho
iluvhobos 5
My god guys..
WhiteDelight 4
15 is the new 20! I'd tap that shit
forestqueenie 0
dude she's a minor
iluvhobos 5
and kids hate you, 160, for trying to lure them in with promises of puppies, and candy.
xxlauruh 0
233 you look like the biggest douche.
anlhawks 5
233 is hot I think and you sound like a ****** ass who sits on the couch all day with no friends
xxlauruh 0
ew
alex1432 9
Well try using more than just your hands??
copycat148 0
Her foot?
jakezanerd 0
no, you ass, he means her pussy
GloriousWhorious 6
Her ass would work, too.
Shafreeka 8
Her mouth is most convenient.
eenkoekje 4
lmao i think everything was covered
agaba 0
no u forgot her ****
mattfim 0
also..ears
manMadeFAIL 7
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
no he means HER DICk!!!!
xxlauruh 0
you're definitely 11
kkmwong 11
lolllllll
spazmattic 0
pikachu, I choose you?
spencerchu 0
how about nose???
maz255 10
213 win
jaint 0
giggdy ;D
GuessWhatKids 13
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
How do you feel knowing that his hand can succeed in doing what your whole body can't?
VenomSiphon 13
That's pretty clever sir. I guess I have to give you... *takes off glasses* A hand... YEAYYUHHH
illmatic2 16
I gotta hand it to you, that was clever. Good job.
jissette 0
daaaaaang...!!!BURRRN...!!! Lol
jeremey602 0
that's ******* hilarious
applesdontpee 3
wow, i don't think i can HANDle how awesome that comment was! that deserves not only a thumb, but 5 fingers! you really nailed that pun! but i'm not being sarcastic. i enjoy a good pun :D
illmatic2 16
Anyone who doesn't like puns deserves to be PUNched in the face.
jamjelly386 5
haha nice one 8
jamjelly386 5
haha nice one 8
hilariexcore 0
How do you know her whole body can't do it? She was just giving a handjob.
DoubleEdgedBlade 4
Palmala Handerson can do better.
extradorkyloser 4
Well, actually, her hand failed to do what his hand could. That's acceptable, I think. But, the comment you made makes it seem like he was more attracted to his hand than her body. In reality, he's probably just not that into her sexually. In this age of the internet, every perversion is met on the net. and real life is boring. And, on said net, there is always someone more interesting or attractive than your current romance. I am keen on my lesbian dominatrices. ;)
lilbeast0327 3
Pamela Anderson can fall of a cliff
copycat148 0
lol
kathrynclw 0
bahahaha!
superfly09 3
lmao
austinninja1700 0
well I guess in this case the rest of her body could have came in HANDY
GuessWhatKids 13
143, Shut the **** up, logic has no place on FML.
SoccerForTheWin 5
Very Bice very nice
70candycane07 0
sucks.
bigbadtim 7
No, it doesn't suck, it was a hand job.
miraggg 1
it hands
stayawakee 0
Obviously not.
redbluegreen 41
It was horrible, hands down?
HyundaiOwner7 0
Use your mouth... der
SluggerJ 7
yes blow your Boyfriend as well. i think I well have to get my Girlfriend to give me a Blow/hand job now just reading this is making me excited!! Time for some fun.
Drigr 9
I've been on FML too long. how do I know? I can reference an FML from ages ago about a chick actually BLOWING on her boyfriends penis.
lilxsexii 4
Me too. -_-
avafan1224 0
lmao haha i remember that FML lol :]
xMexicanXJesusx 0
#6 Was that a Scary Movie 2 reference????
iluvhobos 5
109, that wasn't that long ago...
pitchblease 2
wow, that bad? did you try showing some boob?
massnerder420 4
Lmao^
A7X_LoVeee 10
boobS? :D
ShelbyyCakess 0
wow. asshole much?
ohmygaaawsh29 0
nope, just her hands. no assholes.
ShelbyyCakess 0
LOL xD
Jackel0228 12
Yeah terrible/painful hand jobs do exist in the world unfortunately
jasminea 0
haha, you were getting him a little too excited.
IHeartJimi02 0
I don't think he was that excited if he asked her to stop.
jasminea 0
I was kidding....(:
forthepainx3 0
don't worry, he's just being a jerkoff.
ShelbyyCakess 0
win ^.^
kg163401 0
ba doom pish!!!