Today, my son, who seems to think that he is a "gangsta" despite being a white boy from the suburbs, cried because I accidentally burned his grilled cheese. He's 28. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML
Today, my son decided he wanted roasted marshmallows. It would've been fine, except he put the entire bag into the oven I had preheating for pizza and caught it on fire. FML
Today, my son is going through a rebellious phase. He's taken to wearing leather and chains, listening to death metal music all day in his room alone, and screaming at me in public places. He was fired from his part-time job for swearing at customers. My son is 29 years old. FML
Today, my son watched some ridiculous Japanese cartoon about shokugeki cooking and is convinced he's the greatest cook ever by copying what happens in the show. He set fire to my frying pan, panicked, and dumped it in the ceramic sink, which cracked from the heat and flooded my kitchen. FML
Today, I found out that my 4-year-old son is truly convinced that I am a ghost. He also thinks that I died from burning, "because of your face". FML
Today, my son got a beating. Apparently, he went to a club, waited until he saw a couple of girls pulling a duckface for a photo, then rushed over and threw pieces of bread at them. Their boyfriends, not too surprisingly, didn't appreciate this. I had to drive the idiot home from the hospital. FML
Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML
Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML
Today, I found out that, when mad at us, my son picks the tops off his shoulder-pimples and sprinkles them in our food. FML
Today, I tried to make a grilled cheese sandwich for myself, but as soon as I started, my mom rushed into the kitchen and criticized me for making it "wrong". She then made the sandwich for me. It tasted significantly worse than when I make them. FML
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Top comments
br0ccoli 15
Son: "You be grillin my cheese all wrong, yo. Get out my face, bizniych. *cries*. Imma make this shit myself..*phone rings*...Oh hello, mr. Hildebrandt, yes I will be at the office on Tuesday *hangs up*....pshh that boy be tripping...**** we're out of red kooilaid. Oh heyyl noo. No koolaid?!?! *cries*"
ScottieJo 8
lol. I actually have passionate hate for those white boy "gangsta". Or "wiggers" as they sometimes call themselves.
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Comments (237)
ScottieJo 8
lol. I actually have passionate hate for those white boy "gangsta". Or "wiggers" as they sometimes call themselves.
xlord 27
Sadly Eminem has given hope to a generation of white, wannabee gangsta rappers.
xlord 27
Nah I'm actually an undercover cop. This is just my cover.
MrBubblez98 13
20- Eminem is actually a very good rapper, and I prefer him over most black and white rappers...
thePr3da1i3nrulz 4
My thoughts while reading this FML: "Watch out, we've got a badass over here"
tacojauns 45
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
How can u be "gansta" in canada?
MrBubblez98 13
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Maybe you live by the border near Detroit? Best I could think of...
perdix 31
#20, Eminem grew up as white trash, so he could be a legit gangsta. The OP's wuss son is the fault of Vanilla Ice.
TheDrifter 24
Hey now, Canadian thugs actually learned to shoot. In true northern style, they get their man, instead of spraying bullets all down the block.
ManInTheMachine 20
Drifter: That's probably because they don't hold it sideways and actually brace for the recoil.
xlord 27
I never said eminem was bad. In fact I like a lot of his songs. I just don't like how every tone deaf **** thinks they are eminem incarnate.
theslimshadylp 6
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Hey hey hey everybody lay off eminem.
Calingaladha 21
104 - Sit back down. We asked for the real Slim Shady to please stand up.
theslimshadylp 6
Haha got me there. Fine I'll sit back down.
1awliet 8
Yeah, Eminem is better than most black rappers. Just look at Nicki Minaj and 2 Chainz. Such an insult to rap.
onlychildFTW 34
I thought the gangsta phase started with puberty. I guess your sons a late bloomer. Haha.
AKiDNamedJoHn 12
Yeah lmao 2 chainz is pure garbage, I don't understand how some people think his ***** good
miss_madison 10
60- we have multiple gangs in just Vancouver alone. There's the Hell's Angels (although they really are almost too well known to be a 'scary' gang, there's another gang called The Red Scorpions which is mostly comprised of human trafficking and drug dealing. However OP and her fail son are in Quebec. And I don't think it's possible for the gangs there to shoot any better than the ones in the US. They do have a hotel made from ice though.
iGrassYourSister 6
so which one is it? you hate those people cuz they are wannabe gangstas or they are white or that thing is strictly for blacks and no other race can do the same? You see if I hated a black person for trying to be more white purely cuz they are black and its not their thing, everyone would go batshit crazy and call me racist, while in fact you are the most hypocritical racists out there. And black "gangstas" are a same ******* joke too. black culture. **** yes!
Nanael_fml 4
I doubt they call " themselves" that I believe everyone but them calls them that numbnuts
tobedd 13
"Werd to ma matha... East side" *insert an E symbol with my fingers and a double tap on my chest*
hatesfate 6
So a white drag queen from the suburbs is getting gangsta now?
osteobabe 13
Hey don't hate or discriminate.
freshberries22 17
29 whoa step back it's one thing to mock the FML and be sarcastic but it's another to mock the lifestyle of a commenter it's just rude
SirCharles83 13
You can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig.
SousapCody 6
Dafuq did I just read?
JackeeDawn 9
That awkward moment when you look like a dumbass in front of the whole world. Gangs are stupid. If you think about it all you are really doing is killing someone over a color and a number. That's all it really gets down too. Like north siders N 14 & red is their "gang" Stuff. And they kill people that are S 13 & blue. They kill each other over shit we learned in preschool. Our colors numbers and abcs. Gangs are retarded. Seriously. Unless you go to Cali. They will ******* kill you for wearing the wrong color shirt out in public even if you aren't in a gang. Bang your ******* dead. It's a sad world we live in.
a_commenter 3
Was that an Ali G reference?
PYLrulz 17
2 - Please tell me you are just mocking wiggers
alicexo_fml 8
I'm pretty sure 2 was just giving an example of how stupid "gangsters" can sound and act. You all completely missed it. Whatever. And to 89, I accidentally thumbed you up. Sorry for that. Just pretend there's one less. You made sense until you started talking about CA.
chimocho 8
Why is this downvoted so much? It's an Ali G reference.
eric40962005 8
I'm pretty sure it's her scary looking profile pic
Mordakai420 6
Goddammit, Ali G says West side, not East side!
YouCantBreakMe 9
168 here's a little tidbit of info you didn't know: 2 is a dude.
tne201992 12
What the hell was that all about?!! By the look of her picture, she looks like Ronald McDonald's ghetto daughter.
Syneriam 7
How could you mom!? Don't you know burning grilled cheese is insensitive and enough to make a grown man cry? But in all seriousness, I think you should be worried if he's still in his "hood phase" and he's 28.
xXUND3ADcityXx 0
In all seriousness I feel for the guy....bitch burnt his sandwich
gribbles 12
I think she should still be worried that he even went through a hood phase in the first place.
tygerarmy 35
I think she should be worried if he's 28, still lives at home and still needs his mommy to make sandwiches for him.
SystemofaBlink41 27
138- i agree I'm 16 and my mom always tells me to make my own sandwiches... If I burn them I have to cry privately in my room...
killdozer1 2
He should learn from the greatest gangster of all time: the almighty Mr. Rogers!
aribari373 5
And living at your home??
007type 26
Kids these days.. ;)
br0ccoli 15
Son: "You be grillin my cheese all wrong, yo. Get out my face, bizniych. *cries*. Imma make this shit myself..*phone rings*...Oh hello, mr. Hildebrandt, yes I will be at the office on Tuesday *hangs up*....pshh that boy be tripping...**** we're out of red kooilaid. Oh heyyl noo. No koolaid?!?! *cries*"
wellfuuucckme 7
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Stop...
AwkwardPartyBear 24
#9 No please, continue. Am I the only laughed at this?
FeMaLes 4
Collaborate and listen
MrBubblez98 13
26- No, you are not the only one who laughed at this, it's funny :)
samiiii_fml 2
I actually took the time to read this in the white boy gangsta voice in my head.
ManInTheMachine 20
This reminded me of the commercial with the white guy riding away from his girlfriend on a scooter shouting "THE STREETS ARE MY HOME!" While wearing a helmet, in a suburban neighborhood. Can't remember what the commercial was for (I think Starburst), but it was ******* hilarious.
sens3sfailing 25
Then he yells "STREETS!" lol
miz_kamakazi 11
Malibu's most wanted
br0ccoli 15
75-That is actually one of my favorite commercials. I was actually honing that redhead guy from Can't Hardly Wait.
TheNewGuy03 29
*gets tossed into a Wonder bread-filled dumpster*
ASD_K 11
I'm rolling on the floor laughing right now. I'm serious, a ROFL in real life.
mfischer 17
159 - I am amazed at your ability to type so coherently while rolling on the floor. You even managed the apostrophes and everything.
wironandine 8
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahaha
SaminaV 4
loloalltheway 23
Well a real man shead tears :)
MrElephant 5
*sigh*
marmlr339 14
Not over burnt food. Aged 28
supportcommand 17
Wigger to mom, yo bitch! You burned the mutha ****** G.C. Best be makin' another or caps be gettin popped in yo ass bitch!
SweetieForEva 3
Hahah I love this
deedeee 9
Spank him
bingopogi 4
Hi
p3mguin 7
I would spank you ;)
Inediblepeaches 15
Wow.... Retarded comments on an actually funny post *=_=
p3mguin 7
All night ;)
bigboughner 0
Wannabe gangster like lil' Wayne, tries to be all tough and then does some of the stupidest shit.
julianhyde 5
I think FML should have a "Failed Parent" section.
DinoDropns 1
Your parents would be the first members !!!
RigPig 3
Hahahha yes! Romney should run on a post-birth abortion ticket, there's your spokesman.
SweetieForEva 3
Dude!!! I love ur hair cut !!!
SheTheOtaku 21
Best hair ever!