Today, the crush I've had for months finally came over to my place for the first time. It didn't last long however, as I suddenly had to go to the ER for severe testicular pain. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I awoke with a swollen, painful testicle. I called the ambulance and went to the hospital. After they'd done an ultrasound, it's a bad infection. My nurse was someone I used to know and had a major crush on. She's responsible for checking my testicle every 20 minutes when she checks my heart rate. FML
Today, I ended up in the ER because I ruptured a testicle by accidentally sitting on it. Last time I ever go commando. FML
Today, the man that I have a crush on finally touched me. This would have been great, if not for the fact that it was to roll me on my side while I was having a seizure. FML
Today, what started with me forcing a shit a little too hard ended up with me being rushed to the hospital with appendicitis. FML
Today, I'm at the ER for my first ever UTI and potential other "down there" issues. Yesterday I got married. FML
Today, I was diagnosed with a severe bladder infection that has left me in excruciating pain. A month ago, I had an ovarian cyst rupture. A few weeks before that, I badly sprained my elbow. Before that, I had the flu. I think my body is mutinying one organ system at a time. FML
Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML
Today, my boyfriend came to my house for the first time. Today was also the day my body decided to throw up violently for four hours while he awkwardly sat beside me, waiting for his ride home. FML
Today, I went to the ER due to intense headaches. My partner was unable to go with me so he called his father to drive me. My father-in-law now knows that every time I orgasm my head feels like it will explode. He also knows that it happened 4 times last week. FML
Today, I came down hard on the top bar of my bike, and crunched my balls. I felt sick almost immediately, and by the time I got home I was still nauseous, tender, uncomfortable, and very relieved to finally be able to rest with an ice pack. FML
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Top comments
RedRelish 9
So blue balls?
AddictGamer 16
She must've think you've gone nuts! In a serious note, hope she understands OP.
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Comments (84)
ThePaperDragon 31
What could possibly have gone wrong in so little time? I hope all ends well!
darkmournings 12
ditto
darkmournings 12
ditto
MrConcise 35
She showed up at his door to kick him at the nuts for stalking her over the past few months.
ThePaperDragon 31
That honestly makes a great deal of sense!
ThatHorse 15
He made a move and she kicked him in the balls so hard he had to go to the ER? That's about all I see happening unless he was already ignoring the pain of something else going wrong with his testicles and it suddenly got too bad to ignore.
sturschaedel 27
She gave him a ******* and squeezed his balls until one ruptured.
JETarchitect 32
#74 I see what you did there!
RedRelish 9
So blue balls?
semitoundboss 4
Sounds like he had it so bad his balls literally turned blue.
bahamit 18
Sounds like those blue balls officially reached critical condition to me
4WheelBurnout 14
I feel like a follow up is needed from OP
wobbly1 16
Worst case of blue balls ever. He should have remembered the movie There's something about Mary and taken matters in his own hands first.
Jinxedluv 7
Hahah!
Bookworm96 15
What the hell happened..? Considering I've had the ovary version of that, I feel your pain! Hope you feel better OP!
alitairi 18
Pretty sure he got kicked in the nuts
Jinxedluv 7
amen, he's fine on a serous note though.
KayDee29 31
Hope the nads are alright!
just1n12 18
Follow up on why you had testicular pains.
suosi 21
I should go ask my ex for that answer
Jinxedluv 7
hospital didn't tell him anything...I have an aunt named sue!
JustinJK 21
Aw. that's got to be pretty embarrassing. hopefully you feel better and you two can laugh it off.
nutella4life 14
what did she kick u? I hope you're okay.
20bricks 28
I'm guessing when they said love hurts, they meant it very literally.
MDoremis 38
Yikes! Not the best first (romantic) impression. Hope you're okay, though!
AddictGamer 16
She must've think you've gone nuts! In a serious note, hope she understands OP.