Today, I was the first guy ever to give my girlfriend an orgasm. I was also the first guy to make her poop at the same time. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had my first astounding orgasm, during which I simultaneously shat myself and vomited. I'm so thankful my new partner was present. FML
Today, I made my new girlfriend orgasm for the first time. All she said after was "I drooled a little". FML
Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time only to realise she squeals like a baby pig in the process. FML
Today, was the day my girlfriend and I tried to 69 for the first time. Today is also the day I learned that I'm physically incapable of maintaining an erection after someone farts in my face. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I did a 69 for the first time and I was on the bottom. When she orgasmed, not only did she fart, a bit of poo came out with the fart, and actually went up my nose. I’ve gone through a whole box of tissues blowing my nose, but I can still smell it. FML
Today, for the very first time I got it on with my girlfriend. Unfortunately, afterwards I had a terrible tummy ache and let out a very noisy fart. I'm not sure she'll still be my girlfriend tomorrow. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She had her whole hand in me kind of deep. It was hitting everything inside me and triggered me to poop a little bit, on her arm and the bed. FML
Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. Let's just say pubes and toilet paper residue were the least of my problems. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted me to be her first and last...with plenty of people in between. FML
Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time. She's a screamer. Her dog must have thought I was attacking her, because he immediately came over and started savaging me. FML
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Top comments
cdgrayson 21
Damn you must be the shit!
BellaP13 24
It happens. Basically everything tights and then loosens. Don't worry about it she's probably as embarrassed as you
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Comments (154)
NutellaCongress 10
Sounds like a shitty situation.
splinteredApple 36
There is always that one commenter, you would think they'd learn.
Red_Ryder 6
it's people like #29 that make me want to punch them
R2Y2 22
No one likes these puns, 29 is right.
LilMissCanadian 22
Well #50 that was a bit uncalled for
Red_Ryder 6
Who are you to tell me what is or isn't called for? You and everyone else who disliked these comments are the ones with no sense of humor.
Red_Ryder 6
I should have checked before I said anything. Who cares what a 16 year old kid who plays minecraft thinks.
GEBEH 14
I haven't been on this site for about a year and that was the first comment I read, it was already old a year ago ^
patwo8 14
That's for an interesting story
higgysaurus 18
Pretty sure it would be best for both parties involved that this is never told (besides on here)
KneeJerker 24
Thats disgusting
JocelynKaulitz 28
It's normal. Everyone poops.
Grayness_ 26
You probably never gave a girl an ****** before buddy :p
alwaysstabbing 19
#41 maybe he did, its not a normal thing to shit in the bed dude
enginsteve 17
Exactly, it sounds like alwaysstabbing would know!
Xamry14 10
Actually more common than you might think. Especially with anal. Your Probably too small down there to worry about it.
hernanjaimes_ 22
#104 I don't think size has anything to do with whether someone poops or not during sex to be honest. It's really not a common thing otherwise this probably wouldn't have been an FML.
LosinIt2008 14
agreed
richardmosqueda 14
you're*
limegreenpoopie 31
There's a first for everything...
RusticChick 27
Interesting. I'll be the first to ask for a follow up for answers.
XxDanno316xX 27
Follow up? They probably cleaned up the mess. Laundry and a shower perhaps?
RusticChick 27
For this being a funny app, there's a lot of uptight people on here. Find it ironic. Lol. Not saying you are sir, but just an observation, in general.
noahghosthand 12
you're from ifunny right? look on here they take it more seriously.
cdgrayson 21
Damn you must be the shit!
LeeEverett 20
I giggled like a dipshit in my class because of this
DoomSkuller 28
Finally an original, not-shitty shit pun
GORILLAKING7 7
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I would've threw up on her during her sensational moment.
saifnaqvi11 21
Kinky.
nathanjc 8
shit happens
BellaP13 24
It happens. Basically everything tights and then loosens. Don't worry about it she's probably as embarrassed as you
nix1993 41
I have an inkling that she might be slightly more embarrassed.
MrPotatoFace 9
but she shat on him!!!