Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time. She's a screamer. Her dog must have thought I was attacking her, because he immediately came over and started savaging me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time only to realise she squeals like a baby pig in the process. FML
Today, my girlfriend was going down on me, when I heard my dog start growling. He must have thought my girlfriend was hurting me, because out of nowhere and before I could do anything, he attacked her. FML
Today, I visited my girlfriend at her place, one thing lead to another, and we had sex for the first time. Her normally very sweet cat now hisses and savages me if I so much as look at him. FML
Today, my girl was giving me a BJ when my dog started howling. She keeps going; my dog keeps howling. She stops, my dog stops. We start getting it on again and my girl starts giving me a BJ again; my dog starts howling louder this time. So we stop. My dog stopped me from getting some. This is a first. FML
Today, I made my new girlfriend orgasm for the first time. All she said after was "I drooled a little". FML
Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML
Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm. It was great until mid-gasm when she swung her arm out and knocked me out. She still can't stop laughing. FML
Today, I found out my new girlfriend is a screamer. This would normally turn me on, except she sounds like she's being murdered with a rusty fork. FML
Today, I was the first guy ever to give my girlfriend an orgasm. I was also the first guy to make her poop at the same time. FML
Today, my girlfriend screamed that I was a "filthy, sex-crazed pig-man" because I grabbed her ass. We were in her house, alone, and she was in the middle of giving me a long, deep kiss after I'd gotten off work. FML
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Top comments
cb1002630 11
Bet you became a screamer as well
BulldogHoops 14
You brought this upon yourself when your girlfriend's texts were being read over her shoulder.
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Comments (86)
error404n0tf0und 21
think of it as a threesome!
iammeorami 25
That's old
Harmell 7
I just don't understand why people let dogs into the same room as them while sexing it up
LiveLoveBeatles 19
Maybe they didn't let the dog in the room. It's possible the door may have been open
skegyptn 5
That's the same thing... Should be smart enough to close the door.
Austin_Burkes 6
I'm not saying I'm a genius, but I think I could put a dog outside of a room and shut the door before I have sex. why can't everyone do this???
Toasty283 8
@1. I don't know about you, but I think *********** is disgusting
kyu_Q 19
Hopefully the ****** was the first of many. Next time do as the fellow dog owners say and put the dog out before getting busy. Guess you don't really need to be told that now though.
evilshenanigans1 4
I had the dog out of the room and the door shut once... The dog managed to open the door, come charging in, and bit my boyfriend at the time right on his bare ass...
Doodleoodlebug 18
#51, some dogs are very clever and open doors. My boxer used to. Now my lab just lays down while we do it and then afterwards comes to sleep on the bed. Not everyone can shut their dogs out either, they can bark or be destructive which can ruin the mood even more.
monique8axel 6
Nice!
BulldogHoops 14
You brought this upon yourself when your girlfriend's texts were being read over her shoulder.
lilhellian 27
No it started on the first date when he mentioned he was into golden labs.. That was just icing on the cake! Woof
Tpracingkg 15
At least you gave her one unlike most guys lol
cb1002630 11
Bet you became a screamer as well
legendxs 20
ghaghaghaghaghaghagha Nicely put #5.
RedPillSucks 33
did the dog savage you the same way you savaged your girlfriend?
tygerarmy 35
His dog got jealous because the OP was doing it doggie style.
Pleonasm 36
Climaxing doggy style is always very intense.
flockz 20
well ain't that a bitch.
StarJack 9
I guess you could say you gave the dog a bone.
MetallicaFTW 16
Joke is old...
TheAbstract 15
So is Metallica, and yet they're still around.
MetallicaFTW 16
Someone's still masturbating over Bieber.
MetallicaFTW 16
Misread your comment 50, I thought you were dissing. Apologies.
TheAbstract 15
Aww come on, how can you think I'm a beiber fan from a little joke? That's not okay, brotherman. But to be fair, I was dissing. Not like full-on dissing, but more of a light teasing, you know?
MetallicaFTW 16
Haha it's funny how everyone assumes that I'm a guy just cause I like Metallica. :) I tend to get in waaaaay too many battles over music tastes so excuse my epic fail. If you haven't already noticed, I also tend to read comments way too quickly and jump to conclusions. :D
BeccaHugs 17
[instert disgusting and not funny comment about doggy style / beastality here]
strawberrywine22 30
Fyi, saying "insert 'blah blah blah' here" does NOT in fact insert said blah blah blah. It only makes you look dumb.
lolfood 24
Plus, it wastes a space that could have been used for an original, funny comment.
lonewolf621 17
Stop being gay guys. Ok here goes. Did the dog make you ****** whilst it did you doggy style?
perdix 31
It's a dog eat dog world, so to speak.
EsotericBrent 29
Maybe the dog just wants a turn at it?