Today, I was blessed with a girlfriend who loves giving blowjobs. And cursed with a girlfriend who is also somehow really bad at them. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend loves giving blowjobs; the problem is she is very bad at them, refuses to admit she is bad at them, and cries and stops talking to me every time I try and tell her how to do it better. My knob is red and sore where she keeps catching it with her teeth. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML
Today, before my girlfriend gave me a blow job, she put on goggles. FML
Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML
Today, after having waited three long months, my shy girlfriend finally gave me a blowjob. Everything was going really well until I said, "Wow, you're really talented. Anyone would think you've been practicing your whole life." FML
Today, my girlfriend fell asleep while giving me head. FML
Today, my mom asked me for advice on how to give a good blow job. I'm a guy. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me a blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML
Today, as my girlfriend and I were making love, and she started to moan and groan. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "I'm lying, you suck at this." FML
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Top comments
LiyIa_fml 8
Practice makes perfect?
RoboCunnilingus 23
On the bright side, at least she isn't giving them to someone else.
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Comments (199)
slimshadyfan123 4
Being first comment is stressful
Axipiter 24
Lame. Your comment blows more than OP's girlfriend. And is probably just as bad.
slimshadyfan123 4
Wow your luck blows
LiyIa_fml 8
Practice makes perfect?
Lindahhxd 7
At least she doesn't mind,
MsCowsiecow 6
Maybe the reason she likes them is because she's not doing it right!
annie_nk 23
2 - It will. I'm living proof of that. ;)
free2speak 14
43, TMI?
annie_nk 23
52 - says the guy with free2speak as his username ;)
AllyyK 9
Wow I bet you're so proud, ew.
desireev 18
If she's open enough to "love" giving them, she's open enough to take some constructive criticism. Work with her and tell her what you like. You'll be workin' with a pro in no time! :) 66- No need to come on here and be snotty. One of the "Rules" here is no holding back and to speak your mind. So "Ew" with your snotty attitude.
Chunkylover76 4
43...can't be that good at them! If the baby in the pictures is yours...you forgot swallowing the ending!!
TwitchingNebula 17
Perfect practice makes perfect
daner10 5
Why did this make it?
iXTMAstro 6
67 - dammmmmmmmmmmmmmmnnnnnnn
outstandtacular 11
67 is my hero.
chrissy2 28
And this is why **** exists. To satisfy AND educate you!
Atchoo 8
Let's hope.
decidedlyvague 11
66- fun fact: most men, if not all, love blow jobs. Next time you engage in sexual activity with a partner ask him if he would like a ********, then tell him you'll never give him one. See what happens :P
fortunelady 17
120. **** = definitely NOT an educational tool. Unless the OP has a slurp fetish.
chrissy2 28
It's how I learned
m_2_teh_c 6
Some of the comments. Yeah, they just turned me on. Lol :)
guitarbeast 22
Unless it actually feels bad, it's not that much of a curse. Also she'll likely improve over time
onlychildFTW 34
The more she practices the better shell get! And if she loves giving them, lots of opportunity to practice.
MormonPornstar 7
Dude, unless she's gnawing on your corn cob, it doesn't suck.
RoboCunnilingus 23
On the bright side, at least she isn't giving them to someone else.
Krirn 21
I really thought that's where the FML was headed.
Pleonasm 36
Exactly and she likes doing them too, so OP is ahead of the curve.
journeytotheend 16
I thought it was going to finish with "but she likes getting them too"
XDsmileyDX_fml 24
That... Sucks.
im_bored_tired 12
I see what you did there!
FlyingPie 17
I recently made the same comment on another *******-related FML, and it got voted down. :P
fml121785 14
Yea, that really BLOWS. Maybe with enough practice she'll get a GRASP on the concept of what you LICK and get aHEAD of the game and you will beCOME happier! ;)
hunterluv1 20
20- I know, I've found that with FML, it's all about the timing. haha, commenters on one post will think one comment is hilarious, and then on the next post, someone with the same comment will be voted down and called unoriginal and stupid. Good luck for the future.
annie_nk 23
20 - it could be because he implied hesitation. If it was just That sucks, he'd probably be down voted.
boofgall 16
24- Well, at least you're pretty.
desireev 18
Yeah, you have to get the punny comments right up in the first 5 comments. Or else, you will meet your doom.
boofgall 16
24- Well.. at least you're pretty.
gmc_blossom 21
24- Your comment was bad and you should feel bad.
fml121785 14
I do! It was my first attempt at a puns, never again! :(
XDsmileyDX_fml 24
20- I honestly thought I was going to.
xtoree 3
She might get better overtime?
cameron194 9
Overtime, sounds like OPs gf need a little of that herself in the "**** sucking department" lol.. P.s the only way a ******** could hurt is if she uses teeth.. Oh god that thought sent a shiver up my shaft :$
hunterluv1 20
Why don't you try telling her how she can improve? Don't keep letting her give bad blow jobs, especially if she thinks you're liking the way she does them, haha.
audrey_taylor 4
The only way one can learn is by being taught! Tips help. Hopefully she doesn't get offended though. (:
monkeyy22 6
When girls say that a guy is bad in bed, men always answer that she needs to tell him since he can't read minds! Same goes for women, OP! Communication is key :)
kleider1 9
Just be glad your getting some. And look at the bright side, practice makes perfect ;)
poetrywriter12 6
Tell her the truth so you can help her perfect her technique... And then you'll have the perfect package XD
VtechHokie18 6
The perfect package for his package?? Lol
yupitssoph 18
Your username is poetrywriter12 and you used the "XD" smiley. *gags on all the cliche*
emag_eht 18
I don't see what's bad about the xD smiley. It's just an emoticon.
poetrywriter12 6
I don't get it... Just like the emoticon. Maybe you're thinking too deeply into things?
RoboCunnilingus 23
Also, are there bad ********? Unless she's hurting you, I can't imagine it.
annie_nk 23
One word for ya: teeth.
geko911 22
That's why 11 said "unless it hurts you". I can't imagine teeth on a penis feels very good...
jessimica642 8
Some guys like a little teeth but only if your super careful.
ImACat_fml 7
If you don't like teeth on your dick don't put it in a mouth.. Where the teeth are.