Today, I was blessed with a girlfriend who loves giving blowjobs. And cursed with a girlfriend who is also somehow really bad at them. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend loves giving blowjobs; the problem is she is very bad at them, refuses to admit she is bad at them, and cries and stops talking to me every time I try and tell her how to do it better. My knob is red and sore where she keeps catching it with her teeth. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML
Today, before my girlfriend gave me a blow job, she put on goggles. FML
Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML
Today, after having waited three long months, my shy girlfriend finally gave me a blowjob. Everything was going really well until I said, "Wow, you're really talented. Anyone would think you've been practicing your whole life." FML
Today, my girlfriend fell asleep while giving me head. FML
Today, my mom asked me for advice on how to give a good blow job. I'm a guy. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me a blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML
Today, as my girlfriend and I were making love, and she started to moan and groan. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "I'm lying, you suck at this." FML
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Top comments
LiyIa_fml 8
Practice makes perfect?
RoboCunnilingus 23
On the bright side, at least she isn't giving them to someone else.
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Comments (199)
charvisioku 22
She won't get any better unless you tell her how. Give her tips so she knows how to actually please you; it's a waste of time otherwise. Protip: get her to use the tip of her tongue. Works eeeeevery time xD
mdsummrsnght 17
That sounds like my brother's ex. Cheating hussy sucked whatever she could put her mouth on, and was bad at it!!!
Acik91 26
Just curious... How exactly did you find out she was bad at it?
mdsummrsnght 17
Haha. He told us after the fact
prettyinpink03 11
You're just too picky. Teach her what you like, duh.
Grimnirwher9 21
Why do you have two girlfriends?
skizza_fml 3
You twat, pay more attention, read the comments, why do you think everyone's saying "give her tips" or "let her practice" he has one gf who loves giving head, but that same girl isn't very good at it
AgaveLoco 5
Is better a bad ******* that nothing
allmidnighteyes 11
You're complaining about getting your dick sucked. Jesus, dude. Communication. Don't instill false confidence in her by not bringing up something she doesn't do the way you like.
misschatelle 3
People should really stop assuming sex is a natural, innate talent. Of course she won't instinctively know what feels good for a man. That's what communication is for in a relationship. :)
sparc_fml 4
Teach her to give good ones and you'll be fine. Don't go 'OH MY GOD YOU ARE BAD AT THIS WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!'. Instead tell her how much you love it when she does the parts that are actually good. Every girl I've met who enjoys giving head does so because they love the pleasure that it gives the other person, so as she gets better and does stuff you like - make sure it's obvious you are liking what she's doing - she'll do it more. If you never say anything she'll never know there's a problem... turns out that when everyone says how communication is key in relationships they're not lying to you.
JaysFanStu 3
Just remember : Your worst day getting a 'bad *******' from your girlfriend is still better than your best day masturbating alone.
suzinwylie 3
I wonder how she feels about your oral?!?!?