Today, after hearing the doctor saying my girlfriend can never be pregnant, I got a bit too excited. I'm currently on the 5th hour of the silent treatment. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after screaming at me this morning, my wife has been giving me the silent treatment. We're trying to get pregnant, but she caught me masturbating, or "reducing my sperm count on purpose" as she called it. I just wanted some harmless fun with some porn, since getting pregnant has made actual sex a chore. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she's pregnant and I did not take it well. She had planned to record my happy reaction for Facebook; instead she got video of me bursting into tears, and trying to talk her into an emergency abortion. She sent it to my parents to punish me. FML
Today, I went to the doctor. They did a test and said they would email me the results. My girlfriend saw the email that said "The test was positive", and now she thinks I'm cheating on her with someone named Doctor Johnson. FML
Today, my doctor told me I'm pregnant. Since we've been trying for several years, I called my husband to tell him the good news. Not long after, my doctor called to inform me there'd been a clerical mix-up and I'm not actually pregnant after all. FML
Today, my girlfriend tells me she missed her period this month. I felt excited until she said, "I will let you know the results of the paternity test." I was not aware we needed a paternity test. FML
Today, I found out that I'm not actually pregnant. I've apparently been having a hysterical pregnancy because I want a child so badly. I don't know which was worse, the look of relief on my husband's face or having to send a mass email to inform my family and friends. FML
Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. My boyfriend is no fan of fatherhood, so it was with some hesitation that I called him and let him know I'm pregnant. He replied, "Like hell you are!" and hung up. He now refuses to answer any of my calls. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend the silent treatment. He put his Facebook status as "When your girlfriend finally shuts up for once". FML
Today, my girlfriend missed our date, so I angrily texted her, telling her if she can't make our dates then we should break up, and generally telling her off. Five minutes later I get a picture of her sleeping in a hospital bed from her mother, saying, "Shut the fuck up, she had appendicitis." FML
Today, after months of trying for a baby and telling me how he wants a family and can't wait to have a kid with me, my boyfriend was relieved when I got a negative home test, saying he's not ready for kids yet. I took another test this morning. I'm pregnant. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
Get a vasectomy if you don't want children. Sympathize with your girlfriend because learning of infertility can be devastating for some.
GavinoFreedom 20
Well I would say that you deserved it but you already know that.
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Comments (322)
Atalia 17
How insensitive of you. I'd be devastated if I found out I couldn't have children.
LegionRapier61 8
Probably for the best... sounds like you shouldn't reproduce.
tylercarolinex 21
Agreed!
A1NoSauce 17
Wow dude. Where you were supposed to be helpful and comforting you instead chose to be excited? YDI.
Keiraquarium 12
You totally deserve this one. I definitely don't want kids right now and neither does my boyfriend but I'd be absolutely devastated if I found out I couldn't have children. I can't imagine how your girlfriend must be feeling, please try to be more sensitive about it now
PikarooArtist 17
Sucks for her but I can sympathize with ya, I rather not have the ability to have kids ether (not saying having kids is bad or anything) but try maybe getting a puppy or consider adoption?
justfml22 13
I would probably dump you right on the spot.
gunzerker 8
you'll be lucky if she doesn't leave you.
thenameisfatma 23
I'm sorry I clicked fyl by mistake I was gonna click ydi. Anyways thats sooo ******* insensitive of you and why did you even get excited? did you only think about the sex? I honestly hope that the silent treatment goes for waaaaay more than 5 hours.
MrsJellyBean 14
why would you even be excited about that..
LadyLuck93 20
your rotten tho.. ever thought that maybe she would like to have kids in the future? you deserve the walk of shame.