Today, after hearing the doctor saying my girlfriend can never be pregnant, I got a bit too excited. I'm currently on the 5th hour of the silent treatment. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after screaming at me this morning, my wife has been giving me the silent treatment. We're trying to get pregnant, but she caught me masturbating, or "reducing my sperm count on purpose" as she called it. I just wanted some harmless fun with some porn, since getting pregnant has made actual sex a chore. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she's pregnant and I did not take it well. She had planned to record my happy reaction for Facebook; instead she got video of me bursting into tears, and trying to talk her into an emergency abortion. She sent it to my parents to punish me. FML
Today, I went to the doctor. They did a test and said they would email me the results. My girlfriend saw the email that said "The test was positive", and now she thinks I'm cheating on her with someone named Doctor Johnson. FML
Today, my doctor told me I'm pregnant. Since we've been trying for several years, I called my husband to tell him the good news. Not long after, my doctor called to inform me there'd been a clerical mix-up and I'm not actually pregnant after all. FML
Today, my girlfriend tells me she missed her period this month. I felt excited until she said, "I will let you know the results of the paternity test." I was not aware we needed a paternity test. FML
Today, I found out that I'm not actually pregnant. I've apparently been having a hysterical pregnancy because I want a child so badly. I don't know which was worse, the look of relief on my husband's face or having to send a mass email to inform my family and friends. FML
Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. My boyfriend is no fan of fatherhood, so it was with some hesitation that I called him and let him know I'm pregnant. He replied, "Like hell you are!" and hung up. He now refuses to answer any of my calls. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend the silent treatment. He put his Facebook status as "When your girlfriend finally shuts up for once". FML
Today, my girlfriend missed our date, so I angrily texted her, telling her if she can't make our dates then we should break up, and generally telling her off. Five minutes later I get a picture of her sleeping in a hospital bed from her mother, saying, "Shut the fuck up, she had appendicitis." FML
Today, after months of trying for a baby and telling me how he wants a family and can't wait to have a kid with me, my boyfriend was relieved when I got a negative home test, saying he's not ready for kids yet. I took another test this morning. I'm pregnant. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
Get a vasectomy if you don't want children. Sympathize with your girlfriend because learning of infertility can be devastating for some.
GavinoFreedom 20
Well I would say that you deserved it but you already know that.
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Comments (322)
corky1992 33
This is a very upsetting thing for most women. You could have at least hid your excitement for her sake. I don't feel sorry for you. You deserve to be in the dog house.
christopherwilli 14
Seems like your girlfriend got the real fml here
Cassie_harvie 12
Lmfao.
hiheyitschloe 13
That's honestly a really asshole move. Show some sensitivity..
Tyjw924 3
Your girl is a ******* child. I hate that shit, talk to me or don't , ain't nobody got time for that child business. Plus, the silent treatment is more of a reward.
tylercarolinex 21
Are you ******* serious? You'd rather have 5 hours of someone shouting at you for being the twat that OP has been? He deserves more than the silent treatment. To be honest she probably isn't doing it as punishment, but because she needs comfort and obviously isn't going to find it through OP, so why should she talk to him?
lmbachman 23
Too bad your mother didn't receive the same news, #102.
Hop6e 22
Jackass.
gordjess1 19
That's horrible. I know how bad it feels to be told you might not have kids. You definitely deserve more than the silent treatment mate.
tylercarolinex 21
Imagine being told you can never have children, never have a family. Being excited, presumably because you can have unprotected sex is extremely inconsiderate. YDI OP, that was a very selfish reaction.
climbr11410 12
To find joy in someone's misery is the definition of an asshole
cynical78 15
Insensitive much?
limegreenpoopie 31
You shouldn't have been that to her. You probably don't want kids with her(or with anyone for that matter), but she probably does.