Today, after hearing the doctor saying my girlfriend can never be pregnant, I got a bit too excited. I'm currently on the 5th hour of the silent treatment. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after screaming at me this morning, my wife has been giving me the silent treatment. We're trying to get pregnant, but she caught me masturbating, or "reducing my sperm count on purpose" as she called it. I just wanted some harmless fun with some porn, since getting pregnant has made actual sex a chore. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she's pregnant and I did not take it well. She had planned to record my happy reaction for Facebook; instead she got video of me bursting into tears, and trying to talk her into an emergency abortion. She sent it to my parents to punish me. FML
Today, I went to the doctor. They did a test and said they would email me the results. My girlfriend saw the email that said "The test was positive", and now she thinks I'm cheating on her with someone named Doctor Johnson. FML
Today, my doctor told me I'm pregnant. Since we've been trying for several years, I called my husband to tell him the good news. Not long after, my doctor called to inform me there'd been a clerical mix-up and I'm not actually pregnant after all. FML
Today, my girlfriend tells me she missed her period this month. I felt excited until she said, "I will let you know the results of the paternity test." I was not aware we needed a paternity test. FML
Today, I found out that I'm not actually pregnant. I've apparently been having a hysterical pregnancy because I want a child so badly. I don't know which was worse, the look of relief on my husband's face or having to send a mass email to inform my family and friends. FML
Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. My boyfriend is no fan of fatherhood, so it was with some hesitation that I called him and let him know I'm pregnant. He replied, "Like hell you are!" and hung up. He now refuses to answer any of my calls. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend the silent treatment. He put his Facebook status as "When your girlfriend finally shuts up for once". FML
Today, my girlfriend missed our date, so I angrily texted her, telling her if she can't make our dates then we should break up, and generally telling her off. Five minutes later I get a picture of her sleeping in a hospital bed from her mother, saying, "Shut the fuck up, she had appendicitis." FML
Today, after months of trying for a baby and telling me how he wants a family and can't wait to have a kid with me, my boyfriend was relieved when I got a negative home test, saying he's not ready for kids yet. I took another test this morning. I'm pregnant. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Welshite 40
Get a vasectomy if you don't want children. Sympathize with your girlfriend because learning of infertility can be devastating for some.
GavinoFreedom 20
Well I would say that you deserved it but you already know that.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (322)
IreneProblems 14
Dude, just because you don't want kids doesn't mean that she never wants kids. You're a dick and YDI.
TDKopecki 16
On the bright side you will never need to buy condoms again
Etweens96 25
Seriously dude. That's devastating news for us girls to get! We have dreams of having children of our own and I can't blame her for giving you that treatment. If you didn't want kids, use protection or get a vasectomy
marcranger 29
Not all of us. Some wish we could trade our working uteruses with those of an infertile woman so that everyone could be happy.
Etweens96 25
I understand but it still pisses me off this jerk could be like this to her! I feel he should thank his lucky stars it's only a silent treatment he's getting
band_geek 18
Hey, ********, for girls, being told that they can never get pregnant will most likely than not almost always will be the worst news to be given to us. Be glad you didn't get your ass dumped if she's not already thinking about it.
marcranger 29
Wellllllll, being told I was pregnant would be the worst news I could ever receive, but to play the equivalency game, if I had a boyfriend who'd gotten excited over an unwanted embryo I'd just learned about, I'd be pissed too. OP definitely needed to keep his lips zipped.
ThePaperDragon 31
How do you get excited over that? You would be getting far more than the silent treatment from me. I would be beyond distraught. I hope she has other, more sympathetic, people to reach out to for help.
TomeDr 25
Are you always devoid of sympathy?
llwad0717 13
that was a jerk move to do that. whether she wanted kids or not now she never has the choice to. its been made for her. youre her bf have some dang sympothy if my bf did that i would of broken up with him right away and wouldnt of given him a second chance. i would consider you lucky to be getting the silent treatment.
YiRules 7
People need to know that they have options, even if they're only going to choose one. Knowing oneself's having been deprived of one of the most basic options other people have, like having a baby, can be devastating. Not only do you show no sympathy at all, but you're excited about it. Sad for ur gf, you're just one selfish and inconsiderate person.
greeneyedx 23
For most people, being told they're infertile can be devastating. You're an a-hole, OP. YDI
Nikitasue92 7
Dude that's ****** up...