Today, my ultra-conservative aunt got rip-roaring drunk at a family barbecue and told everyone that I'm a "raging homosexual" with a lack a moral compass, all because I kissed a male friend at a high school party about 20 years ago. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at my wedding reception, I jokingly asked my aunt, who has always been convinced that I am gay despite my protests, if she believed me now. She took this the wrong way and drunkenly went around telling my guests that my wedding was a sham to convince her I was straight. FML
Today, I was at a family gathering when my aunt drunkenly confessed that she had once dated my dad in high school. Everyone laughed, thinking it was a joke. I didn’t laugh. I just stared at her for 10 minutes, processing how our family tree had now become a circle. FML
Today, my sister outed me to my very conservative parents as retaliation for not taking her to get McDonald’s at 2 a.m. last night. My mom gave me an ultimatum, either "stop the lesbian shit" or get the fuck out of her house. My sister smirked through the whole thing. FML
Today, my girlfriend's homophobic cousin claimed she saw me making out with my gay friend in public. I was home alone all day, but my girlfriend is crying and unconvinced. FML
Today, my grandma told me point-blank that she despises gays, but that she'll go to my wedding for the booze and nothing more. FML
Today, during a family reunion, my 89 year-old grandma stood up and drunkenly made a speech about how ashamed I should be of myself for still being single. She then passed out at the table. Half my family got up to help her, the other half whispered in agreement. FML
Today, at 18, I finally told my mom I was gay. She spent the rest of the day bringing up my "future wife" at every possible chance she had. FML
Today, I found out that my mother has been telling everybody that I’m a lesbian, because both of her best friends have at least one gay child each, and she was feeling left out. This explains why people have been treating me differently the last few weeks. FML
Today, I had a fight with my husband after I went off on his aunt. We were at her house for a BBQ, she saw me in my casual shorts and tank top, and said to him, “You let her walk out the house like that? She’s a walking rape invitation!” He says she can say whatever she wants since she’s old. FML
Today, my crazy neighbor came up to me in the street and slapped me across the face, accusing me of leering through her restroom window while she showered. I'm gay. FML
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Top comments
mike3775 39
Sounds like my dead grandma. She told everyone I was a homosexual because I never had a girl friend in high school and showed no interest in girls at all. She still insisted I was gay, even after getting married and having kids. Needless to say, that wretched woman was out of my life for good when she crossed the line.
randybryant799 21
How does she even know that?
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Comments (2)
mike3775 39
Sounds like my dead grandma. She told everyone I was a homosexual because I never had a girl friend in high school and showed no interest in girls at all. She still insisted I was gay, even after getting married and having kids. Needless to say, that wretched woman was out of my life for good when she crossed the line.
randybryant799 21
How does she even know that?
spinspinsugar 12
if OP's family is anything like mine, they talk. my dad gave me my first drink when I was 15 and it spread thru my family like wildfire, my aunts were so pissed.