Today, I showed my boyfriend a calendar, marked with the number of times we've had sex over the past month. Then followed by a calendar of the month before, which had almost triple the number of hits. I had to point out that our stats need to improve. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband asked if we could have more sex, because we spend every day together, but if he wanted celibacy, he’d have stayed single and spent time with his friends. He then pulled out a diary proving we’ve only had sex twice this year. I was completely unaware it was so infrequent. Whoops. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend uses a period tracker app to find out when we can fuck. FML
Today, I discovered my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I've had in the last year. FML
Today, I found out that my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I have in our last year of marriage. FML
Today, I realized my boyfriend's right hand gets more action in a week than I do in a month. FML
Today, my boyfriend informed me that to save money, he's been using the same condom for the last month. FML
Today, my husband called me a nympho after I told him I'd ideally like us to have sex more than once a month. FML
Today, the previously charming guy I've been seeing for the past two weeks tried to introduce a weekly sex quota into our relationship. FML
Today, I caught my boyfriend masturbating, again. Meanwhile we haven’t had sex in weeks. FML
Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his friends about how great the sex was last night, and how he loves to "make a bitch bend over". We've been dating for 3 years, and haven't made love in several weeks. FML
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Top comments
GigaPudding_fml 24
I'm not sure if a calender and calculations works on him, but to me that just sounded like a total mood kill
batman_516 9
I appreciate the fact that you're keeping score and wanting MORE sex, but if I was your boyfriend, I'd be a little weirded out that you're keeping score.
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Comments (269)
Egnar 19
My ex would put a dot on her calender everytime we had sex, multiple dots for multiple times in a day. She used to refer to it all the time and count it up, I always just figured she was batshit insane.
Ugi 27
Can't see anything to suggest you were wrong in your assessment.
didthatreallyhap_fml 14
kind of creepy, why would you keep track of the amount of times you have had sex its like your looking at screwing as if its a 9 to 5. chill out dont be a creeper or act like its his job to screw you and maybe he will have more of a sex drive lol #thatsweird
Btreasure 8
You young whippersnappers are so creative these days.
grapes1414 0
Young? Your 18 still young
schoolbumz 7
im just confused why you would keep track of that kinda thing >.
ErinLacy 0
If I was him, I would be the one posting the FML..
lmaoatall 6
Doesn't sound like you'll be going to the rosebowl this season op. You may consider scouting out for a new player.
AndersonC 0
He's so lucky
jack_tells_truth 0
You're dating him, you deserve it. Put more effort into finding a guy that finds you attractive next time, cuz obviously the current bf is losing interest
dcg1375 7
If you make it seem like work, a chore, or something that has to be done then he won't want to have sex with you. It's good you are being honest and telling your bf your needs but you are going about it the wrong way. Sex is better when it's organic. Not "we've had sex this many times this month, we need to close out the month with this many more". There will always be ups and downs in any relationships sex life. Some weeks and months you may have more. Some you may have less.
StuuPididiot 4
"organic" sex? lmfao, as opposed to "cultured, or synthetic" sex? maybe she represents cultured sex and syntheitic would be with a blowup doll?
nstinson 4
This seems like it should be backwards to me