Today, I showed my boyfriend a calendar, marked with the number of times we've had sex over the past month. Then followed by a calendar of the month before, which had almost triple the number of hits. I had to point out that our stats need to improve. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my husband asked if we could have more sex, because we spend every day together, but if he wanted celibacy, he’d have stayed single and spent time with his friends. He then pulled out a diary proving we’ve only had sex twice this year. I was completely unaware it was so infrequent. Whoops. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend uses a period tracker app to find out when we can fuck. FML
Today, I discovered my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I've had in the last year. FML
Today, I found out that my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I have in our last year of marriage. FML
Today, I realized my boyfriend's right hand gets more action in a week than I do in a month. FML
Today, my boyfriend informed me that to save money, he's been using the same condom for the last month. FML
Today, my husband called me a nympho after I told him I'd ideally like us to have sex more than once a month. FML
Today, the previously charming guy I've been seeing for the past two weeks tried to introduce a weekly sex quota into our relationship. FML
Today, I caught my boyfriend masturbating, again. Meanwhile we haven’t had sex in weeks. FML
Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his friends about how great the sex was last night, and how he loves to "make a bitch bend over". We've been dating for 3 years, and haven't made love in several weeks. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
GigaPudding_fml 24
I'm not sure if a calender and calculations works on him, but to me that just sounded like a total mood kill
batman_516 9
I appreciate the fact that you're keeping score and wanting MORE sex, but if I was your boyfriend, I'd be a little weirded out that you're keeping score.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (269)
DjeePee 25
Maybe I'm not the right person to say it, but you sound a little...obsessed? It's fantastic that you want to improve your sex life by communicating with you boyfriend, but isn't that whole calendarmethod and the 'I demand you to have more sex with me' attitude a little drastic? Ofcourse, it all depends on the quantity of dates you've marked. I can understand your frustration if there were only three dates marked. And maybe it's effective.
mikeeg 0
Turn that mask into a bong! That'd be sweet
nativepimp 1
They already make gas masks like that. Not that great If you ask me
HatefulPilot 0
40- Y u no show intelligent speech?
countryrose92 23
Haha, already been done buddy ;)
PeteyPablo12308 20
Rape him.
rattusrattus 19
Because rape has all intimacy and fun of consensual sex with a long term partner. [/sarcasm] As a solution to the 'not enough sex' problems, its crap. Masturbation would work better, at least you don't hurt another human being.
Xx_Dakota_xX 1
Masturbation isn't sex with ur bf/gf/spouse so that doesn't solve the problem at hand
Xx_Dakota_xX 1
Plus rape doesn't have to be abusive or harmful
tona01 16
43 it isn't rape if you yell " surprise sex!!"
taazer 12
You keep tracks?
TheFunSideOfTheB 2
Elmo is eating you if u didnt know
Mini_Pedobear 0
instead of that, you "butter" go make him a buttered sandwich
deathbreadstick 10
....... what?
underguarded 20
I'm not sure where or how butter comes into play or why anyone would want Just a butter sandwich. If your implying OP should be in the kitchen, she should be at least making something better then a butter sandwich.
Buttsexpirate 9
As you can see by this graph, it's not how long we do it it's how many times. Now I'd like to show you some charts and I made a PowerPoint showing how we can improve.
batman_516 9
Hahaha nice!
HomeAl0ne 20
Wouldn't a spreadsheet have been more appropriate?
Senior29 8
well dump him, unless u already tried and he withered on the floor into a heap of inconsolable wreck in public :/
kuytsgoldenlocks 1
Sort of creepy that you are keeping a record. But hey whatever helps you get your point across.
Red_Wing_Nut44 14
That's...odd that you keep a calendar with your sex dates on it. Very odd.
teresedanielle 2
Awesome picture :-) Go Wings.
Red_Wing_Nut44 14
Thank you. Please ignore those thumbs downing you because they are jealous of their greatness.
underguarded 20
Good way to make sure you never drop below your monthly average.
NoNotTheFace 8
Well. If you want great sex, go to Keyman. If you want weirdass sex, go to enonymous. If you want to be molested and then watch him furiously **********, go to every1luvsboners. If you want to be verbally molested, go to SnickerDoodles. If you want to be verbally raped, go to kaySL. If you feel physically or mentally damaged by any one of the people above, go to DocBastard. If you feel that laughter is the best medicine, go to Perdix cos apparently, FML is his Farmville for Jokes. Oh, and if you need help with your Chem homework, Go to Cinn.
SteveTheJanitor 6
Thanks for that great information. Just may have to get Cinn to help me with my Chem homework
rattusrattus 19
So where do I go for BDSM with a cutie sub boy?
perdix 31
And sometimes I find some of my corn growing in a field across town!
lotto_boi 3
Sounds about right. Mostly about the part with boners
CryMoreFMLs 15
36 - Go to xx_Dakota_xx. He's auditioning for male prostitute so you can instruct him how to please you.
ikickgingers 15
What If you want head banging sex that included or resulted in; voyeurism, molestation, masturbation, therapy, crop circles, and bondage??
perdix 31
Kicky, I think you know the answer to that one. ;)
NoNotTheFace 8
Does.. does the wink imply that you are what Kicky's been looking for? I never knew you had a hardcore, kinky side Perdix. You are an extremely fascinating creature .
Red_Wing_Nut44 14
And if you want a three page comment, go to DJee Pee
Sniper3000 0
Omg where's snickerdoodles???