Today, I showed my boyfriend a calendar, marked with the number of times we've had sex over the past month. Then followed by a calendar of the month before, which had almost triple the number of hits. I had to point out that our stats need to improve. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband asked if we could have more sex, because we spend every day together, but if he wanted celibacy, he’d have stayed single and spent time with his friends. He then pulled out a diary proving we’ve only had sex twice this year. I was completely unaware it was so infrequent. Whoops. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend uses a period tracker app to find out when we can fuck. FML
Today, I discovered my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I've had in the last year. FML
Today, I found out that my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I have in our last year of marriage. FML
Today, I realized my boyfriend's right hand gets more action in a week than I do in a month. FML
Today, my boyfriend informed me that to save money, he's been using the same condom for the last month. FML
Today, my husband called me a nympho after I told him I'd ideally like us to have sex more than once a month. FML
Today, the previously charming guy I've been seeing for the past two weeks tried to introduce a weekly sex quota into our relationship. FML
Today, I caught my boyfriend masturbating, again. Meanwhile we haven’t had sex in weeks. FML
Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his friends about how great the sex was last night, and how he loves to "make a bitch bend over". We've been dating for 3 years, and haven't made love in several weeks. FML
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Top comments
GigaPudding_fml 24
I'm not sure if a calender and calculations works on him, but to me that just sounded like a total mood kill
batman_516 9
I appreciate the fact that you're keeping score and wanting MORE sex, but if I was your boyfriend, I'd be a little weirded out that you're keeping score.
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Comments (269)
Bjacobsaint 3
Go ahead and mark me down for next Tuesday, email me your address.
mrjude 3
You know what really needs to improve? Your social life... I mean, if you're taking the time to mark down when you had sex, you need help. And friends.
Bently24 6
Thats hella ****** weird
bookwormsteph 3
Actually I think this is an fml for the op. Maybe her man is: a. lazy loser or b. exhausted workaholic. Either way he was slacking and she thought what about a visual aide? Plus sex is f'ing important in any relationship.
disney_blonde 16
Keeping a sex calendar is creepy. No wonder he won't touch you.
callae 7
You are a total creep.
Calyx_fml 22
Last month: Three-hump chump This month: One-hump chump Next month: Too late. He already spilled.
StuuPididiot 4
maybe he had a rash of herpes outbreaks he needed to clear up first?
Fmeonce_shameonu 15
Fyl for keeping count. It's not a race..it's a lot more enjoyable when BOTH people are in the mood anyways. So stop your nagging freak
Fmeonce_shameonu 15
I like you dee. You are smart. Not like this dumbass who keeps count of probably what aren't even good sex sessions