Today, I showed my boyfriend a calendar, marked with the number of times we've had sex over the past month. Then followed by a calendar of the month before, which had almost triple the number of hits. I had to point out that our stats need to improve. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my husband asked if we could have more sex, because we spend every day together, but if he wanted celibacy, he’d have stayed single and spent time with his friends. He then pulled out a diary proving we’ve only had sex twice this year. I was completely unaware it was so infrequent. Whoops. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend uses a period tracker app to find out when we can fuck. FML
Today, I discovered my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I've had in the last year. FML
Today, I found out that my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I have in our last year of marriage. FML
Today, I realized my boyfriend's right hand gets more action in a week than I do in a month. FML
Today, my boyfriend informed me that to save money, he's been using the same condom for the last month. FML
Today, my husband called me a nympho after I told him I'd ideally like us to have sex more than once a month. FML
Today, the previously charming guy I've been seeing for the past two weeks tried to introduce a weekly sex quota into our relationship. FML
Today, I caught my boyfriend masturbating, again. Meanwhile we haven’t had sex in weeks. FML
Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his friends about how great the sex was last night, and how he loves to "make a bitch bend over". We've been dating for 3 years, and haven't made love in several weeks. FML
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Top comments
GigaPudding_fml 24
I'm not sure if a calender and calculations works on him, but to me that just sounded like a total mood kill
batman_516 9
I appreciate the fact that you're keeping score and wanting MORE sex, but if I was your boyfriend, I'd be a little weirded out that you're keeping score.
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Comments (269)
Ospov 9
All I would have to do is buy a blank 2010 and 2011 calendar to show my girlfriend all the times we've had sex in the past 2 years...
lifelessons22222 0
You're weird...
zombiekitten87 12
Because who wouldn't want to sleep with the awesome person who keeps statistics on sex? Nothing is quite as much a turn on as fact sheets and data.
jefffluffingham 5
oh yeah baby, tell me about your filing system...
hazardoussmiles9 22
That's kind of really creepy.
mattorama 15
Turning sex into a job is a sure fire way to kill the mood. If you act like that in other areas, which you most definitely do, don't be surprised if you find out he's having PLENTY of sex- just not with YOUR demanding ass.
xearthmuffin 0
Um... Why the hell are you keeping a calendar of that.
Bossman11 6
Um... Why the hell is your hair a rainbow?
cherryllollo 7
did u forget that last month was the month u cheated on him.. that's why ur numbers were tripled. or do u use a different color for the extras
chickenpie90 16
Brilliant :L
midoriMentality 11
I do that... kinda. I keep track of how many times we have sex a month in an app, and I show him occasionally, just for s&g's. the point of me keeping track is incase I get pregnant, you know, try to pinpoint the date of conception...
Treyfecta 0
Ur a keeper it sounds like haha