Today, I found out that my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I have in our last year of marriage. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I discovered my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I've had in the last year. FML
Today, my wife told me she was pregnant. I don't remember having sex since last year. FML
Today, my wife has initiated sex less than five times in the 18 years we've been married. If I don't mention it, then she doesn't have to bother. FML
Today, I congratulated my best mate and his wife on their third pregnancy in three years. It then dawned on me that they've had sex more times in three years of marriage than I have had in six years of mine. FML
Today, I discovered that my wife isn't cheating on me after all, as I'd feared. We just don't have sex anymore. FML
Today, my husband asked if we could have more sex, because we spend every day together, but if he wanted celibacy, he’d have stayed single and spent time with his friends. He then pulled out a diary proving we’ve only had sex twice this year. I was completely unaware it was so infrequent. Whoops. FML
Today, I found out that my neighbor gets more pleasure out of me and my husband having it off then I do. FML
Today, I found out that my wife has been having an affair with the guy who's been trying to get our relationship back on track. FML
Today, my wife accused me of using her for sex. I'd only just admitted to her two days ago that I've been struggling to get it up to try and perform, after a hospital stay and a month of almost no sexual contact. FML
Today, it's my 2-year wedding anniversary. It also marks 2 years since my wife told me, "We're married now we don't need to have sex anymore." FML
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Top comments
BadApple88 29
Divorce that bitch
WCARlover 35
Screw cheaters. Well...actually it looks like other guys have been. Sorry OP. :(
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Comments (123)
BadApple88 29
Divorce that bitch
pistachiopanda 19
After you sleep with her best friend of course.
brettrb 18
Carrie Underwood knows best. Study up OP.
Opinion_ 9
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
They already are divorced, read the fml again #1.
Madster15 14
I think you need to read the fml again #24. He refered to her as his wife, meaning current. And by last year of marriage he meant the previous 12 months, not the final year.
syki 22
It's ambiguous. 'Last year' might mean 'previous year,' or it might be 'final.' I read it as 'previous,' since he doesn't call her his ex and he also says 'the last two months.'
martin8337 36
#15 , or her sister.
incoherentrmblr 22
#16, don't forget Taylor Swift...
blancoing 14
Number one... You're the real MVP
crazytwinsmom 25
Maybe she's taking care of herself by herself, more than he is. He doesn't exactly say she's cheating.
dudecall 18
No he clearly said sex, sex Is with another person. She is a cheating bitch.
crazytwinsmom 25
I guess I think of sex as a broader definition of things. Not just intercourse.
lat1404 16
Maybe sex can be thought of as more than just intercourse but there HAS to be 2 or more people to be sex.
PageantGirlXOXO 16
Even if there isn't any intercourse...oral sex and other things are still cheating. My ex boyfriend once told me it wasn't cheating because he never 'finished.' ...I know. He was clearly a winner right? Anyways, everyone has their own ideas of what cheating is...but if my man even went on a date with someone else, I would consider that cheating.
little_one1 14
Is everyone forgetting about Miranda Lambert?
Gravenmuir 18
113, Gunpowder and Lead!
Starponer 7
did you know in some stats if your spouse cheats on you. you can take her to court as well as all the people that shehe cheated on you with. basically you can take "everything" from her and up to 50000 from the 3rd person. just saying take her to court before cutting her off.
WolliBolli 23
Ouch man, that hurts. Hope you find a solution youre happy with. wish you the best of luck!
fsomelife 26
For example, more sex.
PancakeSlap 23
You might wanna get tested if anything else hurts..
xSapphireCloudx 4
And by "last year", you do mean the last year, right?
SkittlesGoRawr 19
What did you think he meant, lol?
syki 22
The previous year, versus the final year.
martin8337 36
Or the fiscal year.
ShowMeKay 20
Right. Because we're talking about business entities. I don't think 34's comment needed any further clarification on calendar year versus fiscal year.
Nuditi 10
Don't worry #3, I understood what you ment
Noelletakumi 36
Yeah really, I understood what #3 meant, it just took a few seconds. I can see how people would have taken it as nonsense at quick glance and downvoted it, though.
WCARlover 35
Screw cheaters. Well...actually it looks like other guys have been. Sorry OP. :(
Opinion_ 9
She didn't cheat, read it again.
demo88001 9
There's plenty more fish in the ocean, OP :/
cakefete2 31
Yea OP, find a nice fish to sleep with. Then you will have little mermaid babies.
Dlzq 22
Oh god, I can't breathe, good job there @25..
reidier1 16
Sounds like she ****** you over! Oh wait...
jad0016 12
more liked ****** all over everyone else
badluckalex 23
****** everyone else*
MAD01502 20
Make a contest out of it, then divorce that disrespectful bitch!
Opinion_ 9
Read they fml again. They are divorced.
cakefete2 31
Disrespectful "person" not "bitch". The League of Female Dogs does not wish to be associated with OP's two-timing wife.
Earths_Venus 25
You know... I'm not normally one who advocates divorce, but I think it's time to consider it. She's obviously happy, but that's at the expense of your happiness. Time to move on.
Opinion_ 9
They are divorced already. Read the fml again.
dimple13194 10
Ouch. Hope y'all can talk it through
rocker_chick23 27
Why would they talk through this? Cheaters don't deserve a second chance.
xvrhdez 5
Feminist maybe?
awkward_welcomes 8
WOW! That's messed up, man :( You will find someone way better than her!