Today, I showed my boyfriend a calendar, marked with the number of times we've had sex over the past month. Then followed by a calendar of the month before, which had almost triple the number of hits. I had to point out that our stats need to improve. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my husband asked if we could have more sex, because we spend every day together, but if he wanted celibacy, he’d have stayed single and spent time with his friends. He then pulled out a diary proving we’ve only had sex twice this year. I was completely unaware it was so infrequent. Whoops. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend uses a period tracker app to find out when we can fuck. FML
Today, I discovered my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I've had in the last year. FML
Today, I found out that my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I have in our last year of marriage. FML
Today, I realized my boyfriend's right hand gets more action in a week than I do in a month. FML
Today, my boyfriend informed me that to save money, he's been using the same condom for the last month. FML
Today, my husband called me a nympho after I told him I'd ideally like us to have sex more than once a month. FML
Today, the previously charming guy I've been seeing for the past two weeks tried to introduce a weekly sex quota into our relationship. FML
Today, I caught my boyfriend masturbating, again. Meanwhile we haven’t had sex in weeks. FML
Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his friends about how great the sex was last night, and how he loves to "make a bitch bend over". We've been dating for 3 years, and haven't made love in several weeks. FML
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Top comments
GigaPudding_fml 24
I'm not sure if a calender and calculations works on him, but to me that just sounded like a total mood kill
batman_516 9
I appreciate the fact that you're keeping score and wanting MORE sex, but if I was your boyfriend, I'd be a little weirded out that you're keeping score.
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Comments (269)
vi3tno_romeo 5
And you also gets frustrated if he didn't make u orgasms and keep count of that too?.... Sigh..=)
taternuts 0
Instead of wasting time counting the days, spend your time making the days count. You just got hit with some truth
AmandaIsMyName 0
Kinda creepy you keep a calendar of every time you guys ****. Just saying...
perdix 31
Blow jobs, eat-outs (? Is there a noun for a session of ***********?), hand jobs, finger *****, ball suckings, butt *****, salad tossings and individual and cooperative jerk-offs are also meticulously recorded, collated, charted, normalized and analyzed. Even more disturbing, eh?
HomeAl0ne 20
Not to mention number of thrusts, groan volume, quantity of semen expended and time interval between ****** and rolling off her to go wash his junk.
andiiturtle 0
weeeird :|
hilary56 0
How is that an fml. Just go do it already.
caniac59 0
I don't see how this is a fml.
Chrispayne 4
It is only the 4th of the month. I would hope u had more sex n september
bubo_fml 11
Keep separate calendars & see who "fills it up" more...Sounds like a Ho contest!
SammyS2012 21
Why does everyone think it's weird that she marks the days they have sex? You do know there are apps on phones that estimate your period dates? You mark the dates you had sex so that you can keep track to makes sure there's no conception.
Levvy 22
And if you're using that method alone, let's hope this app also includes some good coupon codes for baby supply retailers.
SammyS2012 21
Well of course the method alone wouldn't work; I never said it did. It's just a convenient way for some women to have protected sex and have a lower chance of getting pregnant.
BighornB 0
U r psycho!