Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend. His dog, Baxter, has a bad farting problem. I decided it would be okay to let a silent fart out and blame the dog. Baxter was outside when I blamed him. FML
Today, I had a serious talk with my boyfriend about our relationship troubles. He stopped me in the middle of a sentence with a huge fart. FML
Today, while out with my boyfriend I accidentally let out a rather large fart. I was in such shock the only sentence I could make was "I farted." Clearly he was in shock too because the only words he could utter were "I know." FML
Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone. After a short pause I hear him say "I love you." Smiling I say, "I love you too." Then he says, "I was talking to my dog." FML
Today, while on the phone with my boyfriend, I really needed to poop. Badly. He was in the middle of telling a story, so I figured I could get away with muting the phone while on the toilet. Halfway through, he suddenly went silent. I forgot to mute the phone. FML
Today, my boyfriend's parents visited us. When everyone was chatting in the room, I needed to go to the bathroom. I got up and wanted to walk away when I sneezed, and farted at the same time. I thought they didn't hear it, until my boyfriend's brother said, "That wasn't just a sneeze was it?" FML
Today, I was calling my husband while driving. While the phone rang, I farted. As soon as the horrid smell hit my nose, my husband answered. I panicked and hung up quickly, thinking to myself how embarrassed I was because he could smell it. I'm an idiot. FML
Today, I went over to my boyfriend's apartment and I smelled a delicious aroma as I walked in so I asked him what he was cooking. His response was, "I'm not cooking anything. I just farted." FML
Today, I was having a horrible day. I was laying on the couch, crying, when my dog came up on the couch to console me. I was thinking about how great it was to have a dog, because they're there for you when no one else is. As I was sobbing, I heard something. My dog farted into my mouth. Twice. FML
Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML
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Top comments
notsorandomguy 18
What's wrong with a plain old "What? What are you talking about"? Is it too mainstream?
ddeathbombb 5
Do you have a cat lol
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Comments (187)
challan 19
That's what I was thinking! How damn loud was she? Bull horn quality?
PawnShopPenguin 4
Your bf must have one of those amplifie
jwebster 8
Win! Guys do it too. Payback is a bitch.
thew_fml 14
everyone farts. why lie?
hateevryone 15
You couldn't think of anything better than that?
soggy_waffles 3
YDI for being a farting female. I hope you realize I'm going to grow old and die alone.
THE_A_TEEN 28
Yes we realize that. Have a horrible life, mate.
the_smart_way 10
Tell him you just got a dog, run to the pet store and ask for one with a flatulence problem
charliewhippet 9
See, I think your boyfriend was rude. It's like when people comment on how long you took in the bathroom. We all know everyone farts / ***** etc. But it's not very polite to draw attention to it. Would it have killed him to say nothing?
doomsdaypoptart9 1
Why are women so embarrassed to fart in front of men? We really don't care.
kalbrek009 20
That's what the "MUTE" button is for....if you have one.