Today, my grandma came over for the holidays. She tried explaining how Santa is actually Christ reincarnated, giving presents to all the good little Christian boys and girls. She'll be staying all week. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, my psychotic grandma set fire to our Christmas tree because she refuses to let us celebrate what she calls a twisted pagan holiday. FML
Today, I was overseeing a nativity play rehearsal. Things went fairly well, until a boy's grandma stormed in, ranting that Christmas is a "Pagan abomination", and shouting for him and his mom to leave with her. Half the kids were left in tears, and we had to cancel the rehearsal. FML
Today, my mother came over to visit, and my kids started excitedly telling her Christmas is coming soon. She freaked out, saying Christmas is a "Satanic holiday" and telling them that Santa is going to hell along with everyone who celebrates it. My children are now traumatized. FML
A pot to piss in
Today, my perfectly healthy grandmother came to stay for Christmas. First, she persuaded my family to give her my bedroom. That would have been fine, until she demanded she should also have a bucket to piss in under my bed too. FML
Today, I had a very long, complicated talk with my girlfriend. Apparently, since she isn't religious, she doesn't have to give anyone Christmas presents, and yet expects everyone to give her some. She then told me what I should get her. FML
Today, my grandparents thought it would be acceptable to give me and my wife Christmas presents to take to my ex-wife, along with a card saying how much they missed her and to get in touch with them next time she is in town. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my mother. She asked me if I was going to make it to Christmas at home. I told her that I would try and make it home since it would be my grandma's last Christmas alive. To my luck, grandma was sitting in the car with my mother, and speaker phone was in use. FML
Today, I dressed up as Santa Claus for my employees' children. After seeing all the others, my daughter's turn arrived. She sat on my lap, put her lips to my ear, and whispered softly: "I want a new dad." FML
Today, I went to visit my senile grandma, since she's ill and nobody else in the family visits her. I ended up having to sit through a long rant about the Illuminati, black people, and how we'd have a cure for the common cold already if it weren't for "those god damned foreigners". FML
Her House, Her Rules.
Today, my grandma told me she likes to clean the house naked every day. I'm staying there all next week. FML
Top comments
peacelovecoffee 20
That makes more sense than the real story, lol.
Zestus 19
he's not?
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Comments (133)
Zestus 19
he's not?
airforce987 20
At least this grandma doesn't burn down the tree calling it a pagan ritual
thejewishfuhrer 17
Grandmothers: Being ridiculous since the days of Jesus himself.
DREAMCATCHERoooo 4
Unfortunately alot of people associate religion with culture. But so long as she isn't oppressing or hurting anyone I guess you could let her have her beliefs
jococo7787 3
But religion is a big part of culture.
KingJiggleMuffin 15
Dude, it is a pagan ritual
peacelovecoffee 20
That makes more sense than the real story, lol.
deuceswild 13
I don't really see why this is getting thumbed down. That version in some ways does makes more sense, as it explains why Jewish children don't get presents as opposed to good vs. bad children. But if your grandma says things like this, OP, I'm sure it's not an isolated incident, so FYL and good luck getting through this week!
KawaiiCupcake 14
Lol don't you sound like an ass hole :)
perdix 31
#10, because Hanukkah Harry brings the toys to the Jewish kids. Haven't you ever seen Saturday Night Live? They explain the whole thing.
NeatNit 33
What IS the real story? (I'm not Christian and I don't live in a Christian country)
peacelovecoffee 20
That a fat man in a red suit flies around the world in a sleigh pulled by flying reindeer, going down the chimney of every child's house in the world, giving presents to good children and coal to bad children, all in one night.
gracehi 33
Or if you want to get historically technical, he's a mythical version of Saint Nicholas, the Catholic saint of children and sailors.
frizz101 22
26 the real Santa has been disputed for a very long time, but he is a mixture of several different people who all gave gift to good children pulled from several different pagan rituals that were pulled together by the pope to make the conversation to Christianity easier by having similar rituals as their pagan worship. In the 1920 coco cola adopted "Santa" as an icon for the soda and made him the icon we all know today. I know that I am probably gonna get thumbed down or corrected but whatever. Santa has nothing to do with Christianity really, and Christmas isn't really about Christ, it's just a holiday spent in celebration with family and friends.
ashleyylove3 22
Well everyone can have their own thoughts about the meaning of the holiday. For people who aren't religious (like me), it could just simply be a holiday to spend with people you love. However, for people who are religious, it could mean something completely different. Everyone has their own interpretation of it.
gracehi 33
No, 45, while a lot of different Christmas traditions come from the Winter Solstice (including the December 25th date) Santa Clause isn't one of them. He's based on Saint Nicholas, like I said, and he's been part of December celebrations since long before Coca Cola used him in their advertising.
buckdharma 38
45- So, he was reincarbonated?
commonlogicz42 6
69-you've just won the Internet in my books. Bravo. The trophy is being made and the parade is next week. Regardless of who you are or anything else, this is your greatest accomplishment ever. Prepare your victory speech.
amisenho 11
#55: #45 isn't saying that the person, Santa Claus, was invented by the Coca-Cola Corporation; she's saying that we recognize Santa's current image based on Coca-Cola's marketing strategy back in the 1920s (red and white suit, white beard, fat and jolly). Of course, they didn't invent Santa Claus; they just updated his outfit. That's like thinking Coca-Cola invented polar bears because they drink Coca-Cola and wear scarves in their commercials.
Meettitan 14
Modern Christmas is inspired by pagan rituals and Yule.
kjack49044 18
But...Santa spells Satan.
FitForFun 11
You should explain to her that Christmas is about giving and everyone can participate.
stroudie94 9
Christmas is actually suppose to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. Its originally a Christian holiday.
challan 19
"Christ"mas. Not really for everyone.
frizz101 22
No, Christ's birth was moved to December 25th to fall with the pagan festival of saturnalia to make to conversion to Christianity more appealing. In the bible Jesus said "do not celebrate my birth, but my death" I don't remember the verse or the book, because my bible is currently packed away. But Christmas really doesn't have anything to do with Jesus.
tj4234 36
#33. I'm starting to get sick of explaining this to people on here... but here we go again lol. Christmas came about in the year 601 AD(or CE if you swing that way) as a Christian festival under Pope Gregory I. He sent a letter to the abbot Mellitus (who was on a mission to England at the time) explaining that to help with conversion, the Pagan festivals should be brought into Christianity and 'edited' to suit the new religion. This is actually in direct contradiction to the Bible, which states that no date other than passover should be marked. This is why Jehovah's Witnesses (amongst others) follow no festival (including birthdays, which is also a Pagan ideal). Their reason for Gregory doing this is simply because old habits die hard. Although Christianised, the former Pagans still followed the dates of their old festivals. So to take them under Christianity was viewed as the lesser of two evils. from 601 AD onwards, Christmas was moved from the 21st of December (Yule) to the 25th of December. Everything associated with it is Pagan, but was given a Christian makeover. O.P.'s grandmother is actually partially correct. Santa Claus is not Jesus, but is actually the God Odin (or at least, that is one of the main theories).
gracehi 33
51, Except there aren't exactly a lot of Pagans around anymore, so if it hadn't been for Christians choosing December 25th to celebrate Christ's birth, the date would have ceased to have any popular significance at all.
gracehi 33
54, I never heard that Santa was supposed to be Odin. Every historical explanation I ever heard or read is that he's Saint Nicholas, the Catholic saint of children and sailors.
Rinceoir89 3
#57- There are enough of us out there, my grove alone is expecting thirty plus for Yule. Granted, all the modern pagans I know celebrate on the twenty-first, so you do have a point about the twenty-fifth.
tj4234 36
#Saint Nicholas is one of many explanations. It certainly explains his name. However the resemblance to Odin (for the pre Coca Cola Santa that is) is far too striking to rule him out. Especially considering that the Pagan festival of Yule was massive in Scandinavian countries. Santa Claus goes round each year at Christmas giving presents to good children in Stockings. Traditionally, Odin also did that at Yule. Santa has 8 reindeer - Odin has an 8 legged horse. Santa originally rode a horse before he rode a sleigh with reindeer (that comes from the song 'the night before Christmas'. But before that song was written, Santa rode a horse). Odin rode a chariot behind the afore mentioned 8 legged horse. Santa traditionally wore a grey costume. One of Odin's many disguises (he is a shape-shifter) was the grey wanderer. Santa is generally seen as very wise - Odin sacrificed his eye to gain wisdom. The list could go on.
gracehi 33
65, Have a happy Yule. :) I hope I didn't offend you. It wasn't my intention to trivialize modern Pagans, just to point out that it's Christmas that's more widely celebrated.
Rinceoir89 3
None taken, we're very much in the minority especially once you start dividing by tradition, pantheon or organization. Certainly no argument on the subject of Christmas either. Where Yule is primarily a religious holiday,Christmas is both religious and secular. It's bound to have a larger draw.
gracehi 33
67, Perhaps Santa is an amalgam of Odin and Saint Nicholas then...
SuperMew 22
Technically, Christ was born in March, so Easter would be closer to his actual birthday than Christmas. On top of that, Christianity has a tendency to steal other pagan holidays, make them their own, and then get offended when people lose the meaning of Christmas.
MermaidAnnariea 10
lies. i live with 5 pagans, and know about 10 more. just because you don't know any pagans doesn't mean there aren't any. we're actually growing in number rather rapidly. EDIT: this was to #57
nevereyes 31
"Christmas" is actually Yule a pagan holiday......
tj4234 36
#77. Although unclear that's what I was trying to imply with the first two sentences. The name was probably added to him a lot later than his first appearance in an effort to Christianise him. So having a Saint Nicholas/Odin hybrid actually makes a lot of sense. And if anything, is the most likely source for Santa. But the actual description of who Santa is and what he does, is clearly Odin (at least in my opinion amongst others).
Setareh23 34
To 51: I believe the verses you are looking for are: “ [Jesus] took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them (his disciples) saying, 'This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me" (Luke 22:19) And “A name is better than good oil, and the day of death than the day of one’s being born.” (Ecclesiastes 7:1) Note however that Jesus does not forbid the celebration of his birth. He merely says it’s important (or more important) to celebrate his death. To 54: I’m actually curious to know whether you can give me the reference for the verse in the Bible which states that no other date than the Passover should be marked. I’ve never come across it or any verse condemning other special dates, especially since there are so many festivals (with specific dates/weeks) mentioned in the old testament (ie Purim, jubilee year, week of unleavened bread after Passover day, etc). Certainly the Passover is the only one mentioned in the New Testament to be repeated, but if there is a verse directly condemning the practice of any other, I’d love to see it! Thanks!
fucMyLifeSoHard 18
33- Actually, it was originally a Pagan holiday stolen by the Christians to make the transition from Paganism to Christianity easier.
gracehi 33
98, I never lied. I said there weren't MANY Pagans anymore, not that there aren't any at all. I actually went to middle school and high school with a Pagan, so, yes I know that there are still some out there, although their numbers pale in comparison to those who practice other religions. Please see comment #68. I'd also appreciate an apology from you for arbitrarily accusing me of lying.
AlexRen 21
It's originally a Pagan holiday.
CynePhoba 23
Look on the bright side. At least it's only a week! =P
cyanidesandwich 21
I would spend that week blasting death metal, just to bug her.
spluver0005 17
Well I'm not a good Christian and I'll still get presents from Santa
WesleyW32 10
No need to be a smartass. Just keep your comments to yourself
iAlissa 34
Shut up, 97. This site is made for smartass comments. Keep your butthurt to yourself.
spluver0005 17
97, I'm not really being a smartass. Just sarcastic. There's a difference
RedPillSucks 33
Make sure you spray some fire retardant on the christmas tree.
VengeanceChicken 12
I agree with 4, better a week than a month, like my relatives.
olpally 33
Grandmas can say a lot and do a lot of crazy shit op. Be careful this week.
challan 19
Yes, she might knit him a sweater. Scary!
olpally 33
No kidding challan^ don't forget the delicious home made cookies! I hear they're to die for.
Ryanc621 9
At least she didn't light the tree on fire
ashleyylove3 22
Yet
ffffffffck 13
Don't try to argue with her. You know how they say by engaging with a troll you automatically loose. Same goes for religious fanatics and dishevelled elders.
KawaiiCupcake 14
^ yes OP take an example from this troll. Don't engage with this troll because it has no knowledge
KawaiiCupcake 14
We got a troll here ^