Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend. His dog, Baxter, has a bad farting problem. I decided it would be okay to let a silent fart out and blame the dog. Baxter was outside when I blamed him. FML
Today, I had a serious talk with my boyfriend about our relationship troubles. He stopped me in the middle of a sentence with a huge fart. FML
Today, while out with my boyfriend I accidentally let out a rather large fart. I was in such shock the only sentence I could make was "I farted." Clearly he was in shock too because the only words he could utter were "I know." FML
Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone. After a short pause I hear him say "I love you." Smiling I say, "I love you too." Then he says, "I was talking to my dog." FML
Today, while on the phone with my boyfriend, I really needed to poop. Badly. He was in the middle of telling a story, so I figured I could get away with muting the phone while on the toilet. Halfway through, he suddenly went silent. I forgot to mute the phone. FML
Today, my boyfriend's parents visited us. When everyone was chatting in the room, I needed to go to the bathroom. I got up and wanted to walk away when I sneezed, and farted at the same time. I thought they didn't hear it, until my boyfriend's brother said, "That wasn't just a sneeze was it?" FML
Today, I was calling my husband while driving. While the phone rang, I farted. As soon as the horrid smell hit my nose, my husband answered. I panicked and hung up quickly, thinking to myself how embarrassed I was because he could smell it. I'm an idiot. FML
Today, I went over to my boyfriend's apartment and I smelled a delicious aroma as I walked in so I asked him what he was cooking. His response was, "I'm not cooking anything. I just farted." FML
Today, I was having a horrible day. I was laying on the couch, crying, when my dog came up on the couch to console me. I was thinking about how great it was to have a dog, because they're there for you when no one else is. As I was sobbing, I heard something. My dog farted into my mouth. Twice. FML
Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML
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Top comments
notsorandomguy 18
What's wrong with a plain old "What? What are you talking about"? Is it too mainstream?
ddeathbombb 5
Do you have a cat lol
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Comments (187)
SwtCherryPie 26
If you are willing to lie to him about something as stupid as whether or not YOU were the one that in fact farted, what else are you going to lie about throughout your relationship with him?
THE_A_TEEN 28
I think you're going too far with this. It was a fart, not a test of trust.
SwtCherryPie 26
You are right. It was not a test of trust, but where did lying get her? He knew it was her and knows she lied about it. Where is the line when lying is ok?
titzenpitzer 9
I have the feeling that farting in America (?) is something to be fully ashamed about, or am I wrong? I always act like I'm shooting something/jump as high as I can when I fart, my girlfriend laughs about it and we go on with our lives. How can you even be bothered to hear someone fart over the phone, scared that he might smell it? There are literally a trillion funny ways to fart during a telephone-conversation
mckibabe 7
Your dead wrong about the America thing! Just saying.
titzenpitzer 9
ok ;)
renrooo 2
How dare you lie to your boyfriend lol. Tut tut.
WaywardDaughter 26
Women fart, get over it. Moving on...NEXT!
williamcarter93 13
Why would you lie about it? People fart, get over it, if your boyfriend has even 1/4 millimeter of a brain cell he knows that
jwh2012 0
Should have said you were watching a neighbors dog or kid.
MDTeddy 13
Some people actually get turned on by females farting. Where is Shane Dawson? =3
AffenKid 9
Why hide? He is going to do it in front of you at one point and he'll do it proudly. You should have placed the phone on your butt and should have let rip, afterwards you should have proudly and defiantly exclaimed 'Quuuuueeeeee paaaaasaaaaaa?'. After this proclamation of freedom you should have immediately hanged up the phone.
andy30ace 3
Want to get away?
DespairFaction 11
Or you could have just hit the mute button for 2 seconds.