Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend. His dog, Baxter, has a bad farting problem. I decided it would be okay to let a silent fart out and blame the dog. Baxter was outside when I blamed him. FML
Today, I had a serious talk with my boyfriend about our relationship troubles. He stopped me in the middle of a sentence with a huge fart. FML
Today, while out with my boyfriend I accidentally let out a rather large fart. I was in such shock the only sentence I could make was "I farted." Clearly he was in shock too because the only words he could utter were "I know." FML
Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone. After a short pause I hear him say "I love you." Smiling I say, "I love you too." Then he says, "I was talking to my dog." FML
Today, while on the phone with my boyfriend, I really needed to poop. Badly. He was in the middle of telling a story, so I figured I could get away with muting the phone while on the toilet. Halfway through, he suddenly went silent. I forgot to mute the phone. FML
Today, my boyfriend's parents visited us. When everyone was chatting in the room, I needed to go to the bathroom. I got up and wanted to walk away when I sneezed, and farted at the same time. I thought they didn't hear it, until my boyfriend's brother said, "That wasn't just a sneeze was it?" FML
Today, I was calling my husband while driving. While the phone rang, I farted. As soon as the horrid smell hit my nose, my husband answered. I panicked and hung up quickly, thinking to myself how embarrassed I was because he could smell it. I'm an idiot. FML
Today, I went over to my boyfriend's apartment and I smelled a delicious aroma as I walked in so I asked him what he was cooking. His response was, "I'm not cooking anything. I just farted." FML
Today, I was having a horrible day. I was laying on the couch, crying, when my dog came up on the couch to console me. I was thinking about how great it was to have a dog, because they're there for you when no one else is. As I was sobbing, I heard something. My dog farted into my mouth. Twice. FML
Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML
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Top comments
notsorandomguy 18
What's wrong with a plain old "What? What are you talking about"? Is it too mainstream?
ddeathbombb 5
Do you have a cat lol
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Comments (187)
gurly98 13
Ydi for being stupid in front of him
THE_A_TEEN 28
Being embarrassed in front of someone and coming up with excuses is now considered stupidity? Shit, i'm probably legally retarded now.
The_Hitdude 12
With the amount of excuses I come up with, I should probably be in a psych ward right now. No one can tame me!
kyz_xox 11
So, letting out gas when you need to is considered stupid now, then? Damn.
FMLshark 12
14 probably believes farting expels brain cells. They've clearly farted too much, if you follow their logic.
BobbieH 19
14's probably referring to the absolutely stupid lie. Even if OP was embarrassed and wanted to use an excuse; it needs to be plausible. Blaming it on a dog that her bf knows doesn't exist is just plain old stupid.
b0ngs 7
Um OP wasnt in front of him...they were on the phone. And how is farting being stupid?!
gurly98 13
FARTING WASN'T STUPID it was the ridiculous lie she made about her dog
thatoneguy79 10
26 - Don't worry, we won't hold it against you. Don't forget your helmet.
lacrossebrah13 8
Who cares if he heard you, anyway. He's your boyfriend, you should feel comfortable around him!
FortuneCookie3 1
Because not telling the truth is so much easier than saying yes.
perdix 31
He knows as a matter of fact that you don't have a dog, but he is wishing so hard that you do have a farting dog, he will eventually come to believe it.
cr3ativity 15
Why you always gotta be blaming the dogs? If the guy's your close friend, you could just said "I'm in need of some flatulence. Excuse me for a moment, good sir." ^Like a sir.
IcedJesus 5
That's sad op..
Enslaved 38
Time to go to the Humane Society and adopt a furry little friend. Don't fuss up to farting, he'll never understand.
ikickgingers 15
Do cats fart?
Enslaved 38
ikickgingers!!! Yay! It's about time you start commenting on FML once again! (: And no, cats don't fart because ******* queef instead.
fernclogger 5
Boyfriend: did you fart? OP: no it was my dog Boyfriend: no it was you and that's gross. OP: and then?
The_Hitdude 12
Nice dialogue. That's Academy Award material right there.
LaughinStock 16
THE FART directed by fernclogger. "Oscar worthy" New York Times. "Two Thumbs Up" Roger Elbert. "The best damn movie I've seen in a while" Chicago Tribune. The Fart now playing in theaters near you!
bassmaestro 10
Since when is it acceptable for a women to fart?
THE_A_TEEN 28
I thought women never fart. All that comes out of their assess is rainbows and unicorns.
The_Hitdude 12
^Don't forget the butterflies. Shit loads of butterflies, if you know what I mean. ;)
mckibabe 7
Since when is it acceptable do you to be a doosh?
Sexy_Smurf 16
Hahaha! First time I farted infront of my fella was while i was drifting off to sleep.... absolutely had no control over it and he still laughs about it now... dont worry OP, it happens to the best of us... xx