Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend. His dog, Baxter, has a bad farting problem. I decided it would be okay to let a silent fart out and blame the dog. Baxter was outside when I blamed him. FML
Today, I had a serious talk with my boyfriend about our relationship troubles. He stopped me in the middle of a sentence with a huge fart. FML
Today, while out with my boyfriend I accidentally let out a rather large fart. I was in such shock the only sentence I could make was "I farted." Clearly he was in shock too because the only words he could utter were "I know." FML
Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone. After a short pause I hear him say "I love you." Smiling I say, "I love you too." Then he says, "I was talking to my dog." FML
Today, while on the phone with my boyfriend, I really needed to poop. Badly. He was in the middle of telling a story, so I figured I could get away with muting the phone while on the toilet. Halfway through, he suddenly went silent. I forgot to mute the phone. FML
Today, my boyfriend's parents visited us. When everyone was chatting in the room, I needed to go to the bathroom. I got up and wanted to walk away when I sneezed, and farted at the same time. I thought they didn't hear it, until my boyfriend's brother said, "That wasn't just a sneeze was it?" FML
Today, I was calling my husband while driving. While the phone rang, I farted. As soon as the horrid smell hit my nose, my husband answered. I panicked and hung up quickly, thinking to myself how embarrassed I was because he could smell it. I'm an idiot. FML
Today, I went over to my boyfriend's apartment and I smelled a delicious aroma as I walked in so I asked him what he was cooking. His response was, "I'm not cooking anything. I just farted." FML
Today, I was having a horrible day. I was laying on the couch, crying, when my dog came up on the couch to console me. I was thinking about how great it was to have a dog, because they're there for you when no one else is. As I was sobbing, I heard something. My dog farted into my mouth. Twice. FML
Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML
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Top comments
notsorandomguy 18
What's wrong with a plain old "What? What are you talking about"? Is it too mainstream?
ddeathbombb 5
Do you have a cat lol
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Comments (187)
Calyx_fml 22
This is why teleosphresis ("smell-o-phone") will never be a successful invention.
KiddNYC1O 22
Kids should be playing with toys not dating. How old are you?
XRaYKaT 3
Loud and proud! Own it and stand up for farter's rights!
hereinnc 12
shhhh OP you are giving it away that girls fart!! We don't fart we pass rainbows and fairy dust! If he laughed he's a keeper! If he was disgusted.. well... Bodily functions happen.
NatalySNA 21
How about u should have put the phone on mute-_-
watawataboy 6
So girls DO fart...
lolmandi 9
If he's a good boyfriend, he'll get over it.
mosquito19 14
was it really a fart or you also shit a little?
KiddNYC1O 22
That's a shart, my friend.
lukemack 4
If likes you something so little will not bother him my gf farts in front of me I don't even care.
night_saint 5
You should've said yes. I would've laughed if I was the boyfriend.