Today, I found out my boyfriend was on a dating website. He came up as an ideal match for my sister. FML
All the FMLs
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she's afraid of my ex-wife. This is the third one in a row to use that very reason. The judge still won't accept my pleas for a restraining order. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he didn't feel attractive. I tried to cheer him up by telling him that I find him very attractive, and so do my friends. He said that didn't matter, because my friends and I aren't attractive either. FML
Today, a girl from class screamed at me in public for hugging the guy she likes. She threatened to take me out if I didn't "back off". That guy is my boyfriend. FML
exuberant_orange tells us more.
Hey OP here, it's awesome this got posted! Follow up for some people with questions: This girl came to my school while I was out on sick leave, so being she was in the same class as the BF and I; she got to know him before I came back. He told her he was taken but apparently since I wasn't actually there this didn't phase her. The boyfriend is rather creeped by this girl's psycho tendencies, and has tried to avoid her the entire time I was gone, when I came back we figured she would see us together and drop the crush. This backfired apparently. XD Anyhow my boyfriend and I found her and talked to her later and tried to calmly explain that we were together. She was quiet long enough for us to finish. She mostly seemed really embarrassed and actually apologized! Hopefully she'll stop sending me poisonous looks now. :p But all is (for the most part) well now. Thanks everyone!
Today, the dry skin on my feet has gotten so bad that my boyfriend uses my feet to itch his legs when we're cuddling. FML
bailey_biz tells us more.
Hey, OP here. I lotion my feet multiple times a day. I also work at a place that requires me to constantly be on my feet. It's not like I don't try to fix it. I've had it for a long time now, I even have my own pedicure instruments and sugar scrub, but it doesn't help get my feet 100% smooth.
Today, my sister and I got stuck in an airport elevator. We were separated from our friends, missed our flight and had to walk two hours to find our gate. On the bright side, we ended up having a pleasant talk with an Air Marshal on why we were "stalking people". FML
Today, I found my sister licking all of the silverware and putting it back in the drawer. FML
Today, my father was playing with my son and his toy animals. He picked one up and said, "What is this? Some kind of African horse?" It was a zebra. FML
Lily_Rain77 tells us more.
Lily_Rain77 25
the best part wad when he looked at me afterwards and he realised what .he said.
Today, one of my friends posted on Facebook saying if you're held up at an ATM, putting your PIN in backwards will alert the cops. I pointed out it's an urban legend, and asked how it'd work if their PIN was the same backwards. He drove over and beat the crap out of me. FML
Scumbag
Today, my scumbag landlady broke into my place and stole my mop, which I refused to give her earlier. She denied everything and tried to convince me that some criminal broke in using a key, stole only my mop, and was nice enough to lock up on the way out. FML
Today, I was having a cheat meal after two weeks of strict dieting. When I opened the pizza box, I saw a cockroach. It had been baked into the cheese. FML
Today, I got stuck in an elevator. I called the fire department and told them where I was. They said they'd be right there and not to panic. It's hour 6. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend how he felt about me and he said, "You're the hottest seven I've ever met." FML
Today, I spent an hour in a snowstorm waiting for my bus to show up. After I got fed up, I decided to just clean off my car and drive to work. After I was halfway finished swiping off the snow and ice stuck to my car, the bus drove right past me. FML
Today, I finally met my long-distance boyfriend of three years for the first time in person. After an amazing dinner and movie date, we went back to his house, only for him to dump me half an hour later. Not because I wouldn't have sex with him. No, his cat doesn't like me. FML
dragonfyre73 tells us more.
OP here, as for all of you asking how we went three years without meeting each other, we meet in an online chatroom and became close friends. we knew each for about a year and a half before he asked me out. I was dubious as to how such a relationship would work, but it actually worked remarkably well. I personally am not the biggest fan of people or of physical contact, so having a boyfriend with whom I could only talk worked wonderfully for me. We did want to meet up in person sooner, but the travel costs along with more than a few family disagreements about the relation kinda made that a little bit difficult. We actually got back together later in my stay and he says that it was a joke. considering that he's always had an awful sense of humor, it really doesn't surprise me. I just wish that he'd been just a /touch/ more considerate. As it turns our, he had realized that he'd left the ring box on his bedside table and wanted to keep the proposal secret so yeah.
Today, I moved into my new apartment complex. I left some items including a cherished painting my best friend made for me outside the front door while I moved furniture into my bedroom. When I went back outside, someone had kicked a huge hole in the painting. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML
Today, I was working out on a horse farm. I slipped and fell on some ice, whacking my head on the metal gate in the process. As I was getting up, I accidentally grabbed the electric fence. FML
immaloser95 tells us more.
immaloser95 28
OP here, and loving these awesome puns. I'm glad some of you get to laugh at my pain! :) Let me explain my story. I've been working on horse farms my entire life. For those of you who don't know, an electric fence is for keeping the horses from knocking down the fences and escaping (not fun). They're very hard to see, as they run right the along the top edge of the fence, and especially hard to notice if you aren't looking for them. I've been shocked loads of times out of carelessness, but this time, it wasn't entirely my fault. Here in Michigan, weather is about as bipolar as is gets. It was raining the morning prior to my fall, and it was snowing at the time, covering the ice. And no, I was not running. It is possible to slip on ice while walking. I really wish there was a camera there. I feel like I may have just looked like a cartoon. It did hurt, but my boss and co-stable hand were laughing their asses off, and eventually so was I. I don't think they'll let this one go for a long time! Oh, and as for the person who said I worked around exotic plants....wtf?
Today, my brother admitted that he decides whether he will date a girl or not based on the number of likes she gets on her selfies. We share the same blood. FML
Today, at a candlelit dinner, I accidentally set my dad's leg on fire. FML
Today, I woke up with every muscle in my body hurting so bad I could hardly walk. Participation in a triathlon, or overdoing it at the gym? No, the results of a day spent cleaning the house. FML
Today, I got fired from my job because my boss thinks that me doing everything he says makes me untrustworthy. FML
Today, my mom called me into the living room to say that she had something important to tell me. She then explained how she and my dad had "talked things over" and wanted me to know that they accept me and love me no matter what. Apparently my mom thinks I'm lesbian. I'm not. FML
One happy family
Today, I spent hours cooking an amazing dinner for my family, who had just gotten home from a trip, so we could spend some time together because I'd started to miss everyone. When they got home, they saw it all laid out and just took plates to their room, without even telling me they were home. FML
Today, I got a notice on my apartment door that I'd received a package when no one was home, and it was left at the backdoor. I don't have a backdoor. FML
Thanks for the help
Today, I went to gather the laundry out of the dryer. My daughter had seen my wife put bleach in the washer, so she decided that honey in the dryer would make the clothes smell sweet. She wasn't wrong, but now I have a giant ball of sticky socks and underwear. FML
Today, I finally got a restraining order against my violent ex. My mom now keeps finding ways to tell me how shitty I am for breaking the "poor boy's" heart and how I didn't deserve him anyway. FML
911 what's your emergency?
Today, I gave birth to our first child at home. What was supposed to be a beautiful moment of us peacefully greeting our newborn, ended up with the cops knocking on our door. Apparently me giving birth sounds like a domestic dispute. FML
Today, I came back from break to find that my roommate had been shitting in the bathtub for the entire 2 weeks I had been gone. FML
Today, my coworker asked me if I was on a diet for my New Year's resolution. When I said no, she replied, "Why not?" FML
Today, I finally noticed after months of having the same cover photo on several websites, that it looks like I have a bushel of armpit hair due to a shadow. FML