Today, at a ski resort, I tried to impress an attractive girl on the slopes and failed, horribly. I ended up with a mild concussion and some serious cuts after tripping, tumbling and hitting my head against the ground. I don't think she was impressed. FML
Today, a kid looked at me, screamed, then ran away yelling "Chewbacca!" FML
Today, my dad was looking for a flashlight in my bedroom. He trashed the place, which I'd just cleaned. Turns out the flashlight was in his bedroom. Then I got a 10 minute lecture on how I was such a slob and I should take more care of my bedroom. FML
moonchic tells us more.
moonchic 16
Sorry for commenting so late) I completely forgot about this post and then I remembered. Anyway, thank you for all of your support, I didn't think this would get published! Yes what my father did wasn't a very smart move but I tried to convince and prove to him that he was the one that trashed my room in the first place. Eventually after an hour of dispute, he realized what he did (after me having to tell him repeatedly) and he apologized.
Today, I realized that while I've been the same minuscule height for the past five years, my feet won't stop growing. I'm 5 foot and a size 12. I look like a clown. FML
Today, my mother kindly brought me some soup as was recovering from having my tonsils out. Spicy Mexican bean soup. Yep, very spicy. FML
Today, like every day, I woke up at 3 in the morning because my roommate needs "a three hour warning" before his real alarm goes off. His alarm is a constant beeping noise which he always ignores for a good 10 minutes before finally getting up and turning it off. FML
Today, I had to repeatedly explain to an increasingly angry lady that no, she couldn't get an ultrasound by using a referral letter from her psychic. FML
Today, I accidentally spilled a big glass of water on the table, where I had some papers, my cellphone, and a box of donuts. With lightning reflexes, my sister heroically jumped forward and saved the donuts. FML
Today, my dad was fixing my wardrobe and pushed too hard, causing stuff to fall from the top shelves. I saw it happen with my own eyes, but he's dead-set convinced that it was some kind of poltergeist fucking with him, and now he doesn't want me to go in my room. FML
Today, I asked out a girl that I've liked for a while. She thought I was joking and laughed, saying, "No. Have you met yourself?" FML
Today, I found out that every single picture that I have ever sent to my boyfriend, his father has also received. Every. Single. One. FML
Today, I learned that when a man in the row in front of you at a movie theater tells you to shut up, you shouldn't tell him to fuck off. He might be 6'4 with a short temper. FML
Today, my boss told me that as funny as it is, it is inappropriate to mock customers with my "fake" Scottish accent. I don't, he refuses to believe that I speak with a Scottish accent. FML
hegchog12 tells us more.
hegchog12 18
What makes this FML worse is that I still live and work in Scotland. I brought it up with my boss, turns out he thinks it's "disrespectful" to put on my "fake" accent after the referendum. I really must look for a another job. I don't want to offend anyone but Im one of the few people in the Scottish highlands that don't speak the "queens English".
Today, my parents grounded me because I refused to do my little sister's homework for her. FML
Today, I gambled on a fart and lost. FML
Today, I had lunch with my parents. I'm an Asian guy who married a Puerto Rican woman and we just had a boy. My dad looks at my son, then looks at me and says, "You ruined the bloodline." FML
Northshore75 tells us more.
I'm the guy that submitted this FML. I didn't think this topic would gain so much traction but I don't feel so alone and I do appreciate reading your comments good or bad. Yes, my parents are "racist assholes". Both of them immigrated into the U.S. in their teens. Currently in their 60's/70s respectively, I cannot fathom why they continue to harbor such hate but here is the kicker. I'm not pure Chinese. I'm part Chinese and Japanese. The Japanese is from my mother's side. My father rants about how much he hates the Japanese. Further, my grandfather was a medic for the Army in WW2 so that adds more fuel to the fire. So how in the hell did he get around to marrying my mother? Of course my father has no answer for that. The racism is only scratching the surface. It's the Asian tiger parents sort of mentality of romanticizing and demanding perfection from their offspring. Check out Amy Chua's book if you don't believe me. All I can do is press on in life and not repeat the same mistakes my parents made because I don't want my own son labeling me "asshole".
Today, I tried to manscape with some Nair. Nothing helps the pain. FML
Today, I wanted to surprise my roommate by picking her up from class with her dog. Her dog decided to surprise me by dumping a load on my passenger seat. FML
Today, my nutjob girlfriend dumped me for refusing to stop talking to my best friend, just because she's a woman. Before she left, my now-ex decided to punish me by destroying the dissertation I've spent months working on, along with both backups of it. FML
Today, at the train station a woman's baggage had gotten stuck in the ticket barriers, so I used my ticket to unlock the barriers for her but told her to wait so I could get through too. She didn't wait. And I got painfully stuck in the barriers whilst I watched my train go by. FML
Today, I have bad adult acne. This wouldn't be so bad, except that it's only on one side of my face. I look like a Batman villain. FML
Today, I was working as a ticket inspector on a train. A suspiciously-acting thirty something guy got on board with two huge bags. Worried, I kept an eye on him. I wasn't disappointed when he got 5 furry toys out of his bags and started to have a conversation with them. FML
Today, I was faced with the inevitable horrible circumstances which lead me to put in a tampon on a moving city bus. FML
Today, my husband bought me XL pajamas for my birthday. I got really angry, telling him that's obviously not my size. I tried them on just to show him how ridiculous they look. They fit. FML
Today, I dreamed that I cheated on my boyfriend. I was so overwhelmed with guilt that I called him while half-asleep to tell him about it and apologize. I'm fully awake now and he doesn't believe it was really a dream. FML
Today, I tripped over a "wet floor" sign at work and hit the floor hard. The floor wasn't even wet. FML
Today, I had to explain to my grandmother why, "What a nice singing voice! He doesn't sound black at all!" is not a compliment. FML
Today, I was walking with a female friend when suddenly, my ex-girlfriend comes running down the street and says, "So, you're cheating on me with this slut, huh?!" We've been separated for a decade now. FML
RipeFlame tells us more.
Today, we got a new Roomba. I set it to clean and came back an hour later to find shit smears all over the floor. Apparently, one of my cats had done his business in the kitchen, and the Roomba had dragged it around the entire first floor of my house. FML
Today, my husband confessed that when he's angry with me, he uses my makeup sponge to apply his hemorrhoid cream. FML
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